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Start Building Self Esteem Instead of Sabotaging Yourself


What lies underneath lack of self esteem and accompanying self sabotage?…… negative beliefs that we have about ourselves and unrealistic goals. Let’s take a look at common misconceptions that people have about their lives.

Self Esteem

Photo by Alex E. Proimos

What Lies are you Telling Yourself?

“I can do things perfectly” Is that true?  Consider this….telling ourselves that being perfect is an attainable goal is the #1 lie that we tell ourselves…that’s right….LIE…..as in, not true. 

We can’t be perfect, it is an impossibility that we chose when we were very young, maybe when we were striving for 100% on a test.

I  remember, as the youngest girl in my grade five class (since I had skipped a grade), getting 98% on a test and thinking it was NOT good enough….how ridiculous is that?

Even when the illusion of perfection is attained, self esteem is battered when we believe in the myth of perfection.  What underlies that?-  A negative belief:  “No matter what I do, say or become, I am not good enough”.

Here Comes Lie #2

“I am in complete control of my life”.  Yes, there are aspects of our lives that we have control over and responsibility for. However, complete control is unrealistic.

We have no control over weather, accidents, other people’s actions.  It might be semantics and it does make a difference.

How Damaging is Lie #3?

 “I can accomplish my goal in a very short period of time”.  Goals that we choose need to be ecological, that is, good for us and others. 

Lose 5 pounds in 1 day!  Is that a realistic goal?  You need to allow yourself the time and a realistic time frame in order to truly accomplish what you want.

Occasionally, we reach our goals more quickly than we originally thought, but most often, it takes longer than we initially plan.

And in #4……

 “I don’t need to plan, I can wing it”.  I love spontaneity and it definitely has its’ place.  It all depends on the context. 

There is a difference in not planning an outing with friends (and going where the wind takes you) and not planning for your future.  Know what I mean?

If you want to go bungee jumping off an island in the South Pacific, then planning will help you achieve your goal.  Imagine that you have achieved  that goal, at that specific time in the future that you want it, and then, plan it backwards.

Take the end point and imagine all of the steps that need to happen from now until then, so that you have that goal, just like that. You can use that simple technique for anything that you have trouble planning for.  ; )

Build Self Esteem Through Better Self Talk 

How would you feel about yourself if you were kind to yourself? Do you hear how you treat yourself in your own mind? Listen for a moment…..

Stop the chatter of negative thoughts and replace them with words you would say to your very best friend in the world, or someone that you love dearly.

Say these words to yourself, make the voice you imagine sweet, loving, kind, confident…..just imagine what your life would be like if you really believed….

  • Even though I am not perfect, I am doing the best I can. I am good enough.
  • Because I assume responsibility for my life, I can move forward.
  • I will set small, achievable goals so that I can feel that I have accomplished something.  Then, I will set bigger, yet, still achievable goals in reasonable time frames.
  • Planning is a task that I can learn, even if I need to ask for help.

If you set unrealistic expectations up for yourself or even those you love, you set yourself up to fail.  It might not be glamorous or sexy to have reasonable goals but it does work better. SMART goals are doable goals.

Combine powerful, empowering self talk with realistic, achievable goals and your self esteem will bloom under your loving, kind self care. Just watch and see….. 

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I am a Relationship Coach who helps others create happy, healthy, loving relationships…including the relationship they have with themselves…by breaking through those blocks and barriers to success. I use various techniques gathered through training as a Master Practitioner of NLP, timeline, hypnosis and common sense gathered through life experience.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Michele December 4, 2011, 9:16 am

    It iss true. We are our own worst critics. The question I have heard people ask…Would you ever talk to a child that way? puts self criticism into perspective.
    I think I am going to fire my personal critic. She has had that job long enough.

    • Sherie December 4, 2011, 1:20 pm

      Michele, love that! …….fire your personal critic…….perfect!!!

  • Norma Doiron @Living|Healthy|Wealthy|Wise December 1, 2011, 10:48 pm

    Amazing on how hard we can be on ourselves – who needs critics when we do such a good job! (-_-) Thanks for sharing. x0x
    The LEARNED Preneur at NormaDoiron.NET

    • Sherie December 2, 2011, 8:27 am

      Yes, we can be our own worse critics and if we think about it, we can just as easily be our own best cheerleaders! Thanks for your comment, Norma!

  • Nancy Olson, The Celiac Warrior December 1, 2011, 7:06 pm

    Let me wing it Sherie! HaHa! People that think they dont need a plan find themselves trying to clean up things later, digging themselves out from something that they did wing and shouldn’t have. All great tips, Sherie! Thanks for reminding me.

    • Sherie December 1, 2011, 9:44 pm

      Lol, Nancy, you are so funny!! Thank you and you’re welcome!

  • Lisa Birnesser December 1, 2011, 8:24 am

    Great work, Sherie! Lie number three is definitely damaging! It’s so easy to slip into the super person role and create unbelievable expectations for ourselves. Thanks for your article.

    • Sherie December 1, 2011, 1:30 pm

      Thank you for reading and commenting, Lisa!

  • Deborah Turton December 1, 2011, 12:10 am

    Wonderful points Sherie, oh if only believing in ourselves and our own personal greatness was not so hard LOL !!! I love reading your posts Sherie, I know the key for me and a good self-esteem is my ‘self-talk’, over the years I have learned to watch it very carefully, it is a constant discipline for me :o)

    • Sherie December 1, 2011, 12:15 am

      You’ve got that right, Deborah! Thank you so much for your comment and I am thrilled that you love reading my posts! : D

  • Lorii Abela November 30, 2011, 10:53 pm

    Great post Sherie. These tips on self-esteem will really help people to really have a self-talk to boost their confidence.. Thanks for sharing this.

    • Sherie November 30, 2011, 11:17 pm

      Thank you, Lorii, I hope it helps others! : D

  • Sibyl November 30, 2011, 5:45 pm

    Self talk can be a killer. You have great tips on building self esteem, thanks for sharing.

    • Sherie November 30, 2011, 5:51 pm

      Thank you, Sibyl! Yes, self talk can definitely be a killer.

  • Julie Weishaar November 30, 2011, 5:17 pm

    Hi Sherie – you sitting here next to me again? :). I have been working ALL day on a client’s video. He wanted voice over. I don’t do voice overs! He asked me to try. SO I spent ALL day trying all different toys. I KNOW that I have done the best I can which is exactly what I told him. I can’t be perfect – especially in an area I don’t do!

    • Sherie November 30, 2011, 5:49 pm

      Julie,I must have been! LOL You definitely can’t be perfect in an area you don’t do! Sometimes, people have unreasonable expectations, don’t they??

  • Dr. Daisy Sutherland November 30, 2011, 2:40 pm

    Awesome article Sherie!! It is truly amazing how we can be our own worse critics!! Negative talk is not good but also very hard to control…but practice helps:)

    • Sherie November 30, 2011, 3:26 pm

      Thanks, Dr. Daisy! Practice makes perfect, right?? : D Thanks so much for your comment!

  • Solvita November 30, 2011, 10:51 am

    Thank you Sherie for sharing your tips on self-esteem. I know how much I have struggled in the past to get my self-talk the way it would serve me well and make me confident …. 😉 It works wonders!

    • Sherie November 30, 2011, 11:01 am

      It does, doesn’t it? Thank you, Solvita!