What lies underneath lack of self esteem and accompanying self sabotage?…… negative beliefs that we have about ourselves and unrealistic goals. Let’s take a look at common misconceptions that people have about their lives.
Photo by Alex E. Proimos
What Lies are you Telling Yourself?
“I can do things perfectly” Is that true? Consider this….telling ourselves that being perfect is an attainable goal is the #1 lie that we tell ourselves…that’s right….LIE…..as in, not true.
We can’t be perfect, it is an impossibility that we chose when we were very young, maybe when we were striving for 100% on a test.
I remember, as the youngest girl in my grade five class (since I had skipped a grade), getting 98% on a test and thinking it was NOT good enough….how ridiculous is that?
Even when the illusion of perfection is attained, self esteem is battered when we believe in the myth of perfection. What underlies that?- A negative belief: “No matter what I do, say or become, I am not good enough”.
Here Comes Lie #2
“I am in complete control of my life”. Yes, there are aspects of our lives that we have control over and responsibility for. However, complete control is unrealistic.
We have no control over weather, accidents, other people’s actions. It might be semantics and it does make a difference.
How Damaging is Lie #3?
“I can accomplish my goal in a very short period of time”. Goals that we choose need to be ecological, that is, good for us and others.
Lose 5 pounds in 1 day! Is that a realistic goal? You need to allow yourself the time and a realistic time frame in order to truly accomplish what you want.
Occasionally, we reach our goals more quickly than we originally thought, but most often, it takes longer than we initially plan.
And in #4……
“I don’t need to plan, I can wing it”. I love spontaneity and it definitely has its’ place. It all depends on the context.
There is a difference in not planning an outing with friends (and going where the wind takes you) and not planning for your future. Know what I mean?
If you want to go bungee jumping off an island in the South Pacific, then planning will help you achieve your goal. Imagine that you have achieved that goal, at that specific time in the future that you want it, and then, plan it backwards.
Take the end point and imagine all of the steps that need to happen from now until then, so that you have that goal, just like that. You can use that simple technique for anything that you have trouble planning for. ; )
Build Self Esteem Through Better Self Talk
How would you feel about yourself if you were kind to yourself? Do you hear how you treat yourself in your own mind? Listen for a moment…..
Stop the chatter of negative thoughts and replace them with words you would say to your very best friend in the world, or someone that you love dearly.
Say these words to yourself, make the voice you imagine sweet, loving, kind, confident…..just imagine what your life would be like if you really believed….
- Even though I am not perfect, I am doing the best I can. I am good enough.
- Because I assume responsibility for my life, I can move forward.
- I will set small, achievable goals so that I can feel that I have accomplished something. Then, I will set bigger, yet, still achievable goals in reasonable time frames.
- Planning is a task that I can learn, even if I need to ask for help.
If you set unrealistic expectations up for yourself or even those you love, you set yourself up to fail. It might not be glamorous or sexy to have reasonable goals but it does work better. SMART goals are doable goals.
Combine powerful, empowering self talk with realistic, achievable goals and your self esteem will bloom under your loving, kind self care. Just watch and see…..
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