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Common Relationship Killers


Does your relationship look like this at times?

Photo courtesy of antean

Have you ever felt like you were locked into any of the following behaviors? If so, you might be in danger of destroying the relationship that you once prized above all others.

The power struggle……….where two people want to be in control of the relationship instead of being true partners. This leads to conflict that is very difficult to resolve.   

Great expectations…..are you clear about the expectations that you have for your relationship?  Did you talk about your expectations with your significant other in the beginning of your time together or did you make assumptions?  I knew of one couple who hadn’t clarified whether they were going to be monogamous or not…one assumed they were going to be and the other assumed they weren’t going to be….it’s a big deal.

Mind reading……I hate to be the one to tell you but you really aren’t as good at reading minds as you think you are.  You don’t know how a person feels or what they are thinking unless you ask or they tell you on their own. As children, we make interpretations of the events around us and sometimes we are right.  This leads us to think that we are quite intuitive about the reactions that people will give us……we make assumptions and role play situations in our minds until we convince ourselves that it will happen exactly that way.

Opposing values…..If your spouse’s leading value is freedom and yours is security that can lead to a lot of conflict.  He wants to fly off to Australia on a whim and you want to use the money to put a down payment on a house near your family.  Have you clarified your values?

Time travelling…..if you continually bring up events that happened in the past, you are, in essence, travelling in time, living in the past.

What can you do about letting go of the relationship killers?

Decide that you are partners and work together, be a team.

Discuss what you want in your relationship, make a plan

Don’t assume that you know what the other person is thinking.  Ask questions, be specific.

Discover what your values are (I will be talking about this in a future post. Stay tuned!!).  See if the values each of have compliment each other or conflict with each other.  Find a way to compromise.

Don’t dredge up the past.  Focus on NOW and the PRESENT.



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I am a Relationship Coach who helps others create happy, healthy, loving relationships…including the relationship they have with themselves…by breaking through those blocks and barriers to success. I use various techniques gathered through training as a Master Practitioner of NLP, timeline, hypnosis and common sense gathered through life experience.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Solvita October 20, 2011, 2:11 pm

    This is so true ~ dialog is needed every time in relationships…or there is only a monolog, which never works;) Thank you Sherie for posting it!

    • Sherie October 20, 2011, 2:28 pm

      You’re welcome, Solvita, thanks for reading it and taking the time to comment! Love your monologue comment, that is so true, one way conversations just do NOT work!! : D

  • Susan Preston October 20, 2011, 11:33 am

    Great tips, Sherie. A lot of people don’t realize that, relationships are not a destination rather then part of our journey…needing to be nutured to grow. I look forward to reading more of your posts, thanks 🙂

    • Sherie October 20, 2011, 12:11 pm

      Thank you for your kind words, Susan and I agree, relationships are a part of our journey and they need to be nurtured!

  • Ingrid October 20, 2011, 9:39 am

    Great reminders that a couple is in it together!

    • Sherie October 20, 2011, 9:58 am

      Exactly, Ingrid! : D

  • Michele October 19, 2011, 10:14 pm

    Love the 5 D’s! Great post and looking forward to reading more.

    • Sherie October 19, 2011, 11:09 pm

      Thank you, Michele! I am glad that you enjoyed reading it!

  • Dr. Daisy Sutherland October 19, 2011, 9:39 pm

    I love your 5 D’s! All are so important in any relationship whether it is a personal or business relationship. I love your part of time traveling..reliving the past is very damaging especially if it will affect your relationship in a negative manner. Thanks so much for you tips:)

    • Sherie October 19, 2011, 9:46 pm

      Thank you for your comments and feedback, Daisy! I appreciate them!

  • jweishaar October 19, 2011, 2:43 pm

    I have always said that the true test of a relationship is not how you get along when things are going great – anyone can get along under those circumstances. It is when things are NOT going so great – that is the true test! You made some valuable points. I especially like the one about not “assuming” – we all know what “assuming” makes us, right? 🙂

    • Sherie October 19, 2011, 3:05 pm

      We certainly do know what “assuming” makes us! : D