≡ Menu

5 Reasons Why You’re not Getting the Love You Want

Are you in a5 Reasons Why Not Getting the Love You Want relationship where you aren’t getting the love you want? Or are you looking for a relationship and don’t have the love you want?

Have you noticed that for some people, they have no problems getting the love they want…and yet, for others, it is a constant battle.

Why is Getting the Love You Want Such a Tricky Thing?

So the question is: Is it really a tricky thing or does you believing that…make it so?  Let’s see…

Here’s why you might be having trouble finding the love you want.

  1. You say to yourself “All men/women are scum/hurt me/are in it for the money/sex.” This is called a universal belief. You have applied it to ALL men/women…and it might be different than these words…but similar in tone…you’ll know it if you say it, won’t you?
  2. You keep picking the “same” person. You know what I mean. You have been through the “stars in your eyes” beginning… and now…three months or a year into the relationship, you wake up one morning with the realization that you’ve been here before and done that.
  3. You don’t believe that it is even possible to succeed at finding and getting the love you want. You’ve been through the wringer one too many times.
  4. You don’t really know what your values are. When I talk about values, I am talking about freedom, fun, family, love, money, happiness…and many more possibilities. If you don’t know your values yet, go here…now…
  5. You don’t believe that you even deserve to have the love you want and desire. Your self-esteem has taken a beating in previous relationships that were possibly abusive, emotionally or physically.

Can You Really Find the Love You Want?

Absolutely! And it starts here:

  1. If you have a universal belief about men/women, that needs to change…now…when you say “ALL”…I want you to ask yourself this…”Is that true?”…is it “ALL men/women”…can you think of ANY men/women that this is not true for? Just think about it…that’s right…
  2. Take a look at the characteristics of the partners that you have chosen in the past. Take a pen and paper (or pencil if you prefer!) and list previous relationships that have failed. Write down the characteristics of the partner that you didn’t like…and see if they have anything in common.
  3. Look around for examples of happy couples and relationships that work. Make sure that you start to notice all of those in your life…and there will be many…and if it is possible for them…then it really is possible for you…even if it takes time.
  4. Find out what your values are. Go here. When you are in partnership with someone who has opposing values, it can be so difficult to make it work.
  5. Believe that you deserve to have the love you want…and that is not always an easy thing. Simple. Yes. Imagine yourself as a small baby, newly born…being held in strong arms…and look at that tiny, beautiful face…does that baby deserve to be loved? That’s right…and nothing has changed…because you do still deserve love…no matter what…work on that self-esteem and get that lifted up.

So, if you are in a relationship and are not getting the love you want, take the temperature of the relationship. See if any of these things apply to you…and if these small changes in perspective can help you make that change. If you aren’t in a relationship, then these steps will help you go back to the drawing board and make a fresh start.

Start where you are…take small steps and they add up…so if you aren’t getting the love you want right now…change these small things…and one day…when you’re not even looking for it…you just might be very surprised…I know that I was…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner 


The following two tabs change content below.


I am a Relationship Coach who helps others create happy, healthy, loving relationships…including the relationship they have with themselves…by breaking through those blocks and barriers to success. I use various techniques gathered through training as a Master Practitioner of NLP, timeline, hypnosis and common sense gathered through life experience.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Susan Critelli August 26, 2012, 11:12 pm

    This was a really good article, Sherie. I gulped a bit when I was reading the part about “picking the same person.” I sure wasted a lot of years picking the same loser over and over. Finally, 28 years ago I picked a winner. He wasn’t (and still isn’t) even remotely like the others!

    • Sherie August 27, 2012, 10:25 am

      Susan, that is awesome that you have found a winner and a keeper! : D

  • Helena Bowers August 24, 2012, 7:48 am

    These are great tips Sherie! A couple of them really hit home for me and make me see how I am holding myself back. Thanks!

    • Sherie August 24, 2012, 9:30 am

      I am glad that they could help, Helena! : D

  • Karen Presecan August 23, 2012, 10:28 am

    All are wonderful points…but #5 hits home to so many!! beautiful article.

    • Sherie August 23, 2012, 11:56 am

      Thank you so much, Karen! I appreciate that!

  • Susan Preston August 22, 2012, 8:02 pm

    Wonderful article, Sherie! I love especially #5 Believe that you deserve to have the love you want. It is so vital that that one believes that they are worthy of having that love, but so important for them to love themselves first, as well. Thanks 🙂

    • Sherie August 22, 2012, 8:31 pm

      Absolutely, Susan, we are in agreement! Thanks so much for your comment! : D

  • Solvita August 22, 2012, 10:10 am

    Love it, Sherie. You are such a masterful coach! When values don’t align, unfortunately relationship will fall apart, unless there is a change in values. There are so many factors to consider. Great points, as always. 🙂

    • Sherie August 22, 2012, 10:18 am

      Awww…Solvita, you are such a sweetie, thank you for your lovely, kind words! <3 Yes, there are very many factors to consider, aren't there?

  • Lisa Birnesser August 22, 2012, 9:20 am

    Great article, Sherie. It’s an eye-opener when you start to explore beliefs and experiences and how they block relationships. Great advice and thanks so much!

    • Sherie August 22, 2012, 9:26 am

      Thank you, Lisa, it really is an eye-opener! I appreciate your comment and insights!

  • Anita August 22, 2012, 6:15 am

    Great points Sherie 🙂 I am very blessed to be in a wonderful relationship now but it wasn’t always this way. I have shared for you 🙂

    • Sherie August 22, 2012, 8:18 am

      Anita,it is such a blessing to have a wonderful relationship, isn’t it? Thank you for sharing! <3 <3

  • Sharon O'Day August 21, 2012, 5:17 pm

    Interesting concept, Sherie, taking us back to the infant stage where affection was so powerful and so obviously deserved. And it’s quite revealing to extrapolate forward from there to see if — and how — the breakdown might come to that belief!

    • Sherie August 21, 2012, 5:58 pm

      Thank you, Sharon, I find that it is a powerful process for a lot of people. : D

  • Moira Hutchison August 21, 2012, 4:25 pm

    Thanks Sherie – I like the way you’ve laid out these five points :). I am in a wonderful relationship (married for 16-yrs!) – But that is after experiencing two divorces! It is truly about choice.

    • Sherie August 21, 2012, 4:55 pm

      It truly is about choice! How wonderful that you gave yourself a wonderful relationship, after all. Right on, Moira!

  • Alexandra McAllister August 21, 2012, 3:23 pm

    Inspiring post, Sherie! I know why I don’t have love in my life at the moment and it is a choice I’ve made…for now. Love the way your offered solutions. They make sense and are “easy” to apply. Thank you for always sharing such helpful content!

    • Sherie August 21, 2012, 3:28 pm

      Alexandra, I am so glad that you found it helpful! Thanks for your comment, dear!

  • terressa August 21, 2012, 12:18 pm

    Thank you for sharing your advice. I am doing the work to have that “love” in my life that I truly want. I am placing value on myself and moving past all of the things that no longer work in my life !

    • Sherie August 21, 2012, 1:50 pm

      Terressa, so glad to hear that, my dear…thinking of you!

  • Olga Hermans August 21, 2012, 11:35 am

    I know how painful it is for people when they don’t find the love they want or need or deserve; you feel so rejected and keep wondering why? The truth is thought that everybody deserves to be loved and everybody is special!

    • Sherie August 21, 2012, 1:49 pm

      Absolutely, Olga, everybody does!

  • Steve Gamlin August 21, 2012, 11:11 am

    Sherie, this is so powerful! I am among the most fortunate to have found my most beautiful love just over 5 years ago when I was finally able to cast off all the old beliefs and open myself up. Boy, did I win big in June 2007 when ‘someone named Tina’ reached out via an e-mail, from 1325 miles away, after 21+ years of zero contact. Thank you for this! : )

    • Sherie August 21, 2012, 11:18 am

      You’re welcome, Steve. : D I am so happy that you have manifested the love of your life…isn’t it amazing??

  • Carolyn Hughes August 21, 2012, 9:30 am

    I am an expert in ‘unsuitable and loveless’ relationships! And with hindsight it was because I didn’t value myself enough and didn’t think I deserved any better. Exactly what you describe here!
    Thankfully I worked on my self worth and was able to find a loving and long-term relationship.

    • Sherie August 21, 2012, 11:18 am

      Carolyn, that is so awesome! Isn’t it wonderful to look back and see how far we’ve come? : D

  • Martha Giffen August 21, 2012, 9:24 am

    Funny! “You keep picking the same person.” For me, I’ve been with the same husband for 30+ years, but I have seen people pick the same problem person over and over and end in divorce after divorce. A shame really. They need your tips!

    • Sherie August 21, 2012, 11:20 am

      Thank you, Martha! It is common for people to keep repeating the same pattern and that is okay, if it is a pattern that works, know what I mean? If it isn’t, then that is where the need for change comes in. Congrats on having a successful 30+ marriage!

  • Eva Blaskovic August 19, 2012, 11:51 pm

    Lovely article, Sherie. I like how you defined the five points and then offered five solutions. Concise and effective.

    • Sherie August 20, 2012, 8:26 am

      Eva, thanks so much for your comment and for sharing the post! I really appreciate you doing that! : D