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Why Acceptance is the Antidote to Rejection


We have all had the experience, at one time or another, of being rejected or not meeting the approval of someone that we cared about, haven’t we?

“Human beings, like plants, grow in the soil of acceptance, not in the atmosphere of rejection” John Powell


Let’s take a look at Sarah…she is a young woman in her mid thirties who works as a public relations manager in a marketing firm. She is extremely responsible and diligent about doing her job.  Unfortunately, members of her team at work are prone to power struggles. As a result, when they question her decisions (and they do it frequently), Sarah feels rejected, personally and professionally. 

The stress is beginning to affect her performance at work and it is spilling into her private life.  Does this sound like a familiar scenario?  It might also play out in reverse.  If Sarah’s primary significant relationship had an atmosphere of rejection, it would cause problems for her in her work life. This is how Sarah starts to think.

  • What if everyone laughs at me?
  • No one likes me.
  • If I put my ideas out, there is no where to hide.

Then, it is a short matter of time until this happens:

Rejection = “I am not good enough”

What can she do about her feelings of being rejected? The pattern of feeling rejected needs to be interrupted. Rejection happens; it is a part of living on this planet and interacting with other people, unfortunately.

If we can look at it from this perspective, it gives us power when the inevitable happens and someone says “No” to us as a partner, employee, friend, author, etc.

Make Friends With the Word “No”

When we hear the word “No”, we attach a meaning to it.  If we have been told “No, you can’t have that_____”, as a child, there might be negative emotions attached to it.  Imagine, how would you feel if someone said “No” to you and there were no emotions connected to it?  It would just be a word, then, wouldn’t it?

When we put a meaning to it or embellish it so that it looks catastrophic to us….like “She said, no, she won’t go to the dance with me….no one will EVER go out with me….”, then the situation looks worse to us.  We have generalized one event and applied it to now and every future event…”NO” then becomes a very big deal.

Before we know it, the picture that we have in our minds has ballooned into a massive ball of emotions that threaten to overwhelm us.  “No” is just a word…we have no control over whether people tell us “no”; we do have control in how we react to it. Detach yourself from any negative emotions, put your picture in neutral and shrink it.

You Have the Power to Choose How You Feel

Take responsibility for the way that you feel by realizing that you are the one who chooses how you feel.  No matter what your circumstances or how you are being treated, that is true.  No one can make you feel any way…it’s always you.  

Rejection can have terrible consequences, depending on a person’s state of mind. If they are feeling rejection on an identity level, it is extremely important to TELL someone how you are feeling.  The danger lies in internalizing those negative feelings of being rejected and then believing them. 

Because, after all, those feelings do not represent the truth. What is the truth?

  1. You are here for a reason
  2. Someone loves you, even if you don’t recognize it at the moment
  3. You deserve to feel genuinely good
  4. You CAN be happy, no matter what your circumstances
  5. If you don’t like the way your life is going, you do have the power to change it…you just need TIME

Approval and Acceptance is an Inside Job

The approval that you seek can never be found out there.  Others may praise you and tell you that you are doing a good job and that is a wonderful experience.  At the heart of it all though, if you don’t feel that you approve of you, no one else’s opinion can fix that. 

If underneath it all, there lies a limiting belief of “I am not good enough”; life will feel empty and hollow.  Do whatever is necessary to change that…and you can…and remember that you are worth it.

When we look at our relationships with those we work with, live with, love with, watch the words that you speak.  Be an agent of acceptance in your world.

Sit right there and make a list, now, of all of your positive qualities, and yes, there will be a lot…write them without thinking and without judging.  Take that list and put it where you can see it, often.  Remind yourself of how great you really are.

So, Sarah, having made peace with the word “no” and recognizing her own power in her feelings and accepting and approving herself, will feel differently the next time she steps into a board room.  She will have more confidence to voice her opinions and will be able to deal with those little rejections.  When you have that inner knowing and approval of you, on an identity level, it all works out…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

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I am a Relationship Coach who helps others create happy, healthy, loving relationships…including the relationship they have with themselves…by breaking through those blocks and barriers to success. I use various techniques gathered through training as a Master Practitioner of NLP, timeline, hypnosis and common sense gathered through life experience.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • elizabeth May 8, 2012, 12:33 pm

    I love your post and you are right! I have to believe in me and let the chips fall where they may! Thank you for the great post.. They always inspire me to be better!

    • Sherie May 8, 2012, 2:43 pm

      Elizabeth, believe in yourself and go for it, with all of that enthusiasm that you have…already…deep inside of you!! Thank you for your lovely comment, dear!

  • Dr. Daisy Sutherland February 8, 2012, 5:46 am

    Love your posts…love all your posts! My take away from this particular one was ‘making friends with No’..too often many will attach No to a negative thought…and this is so true…something I have learned, and teach my children and others to do the same ~ make friends with ‘No’ 🙂

    • Sherie February 8, 2012, 9:19 am

      Daisy, thank you so much, that means a lot coming from you!! : D Yes, making friends with “No” is very important! Thanks so much for commenting, I appreciate you!!

  • Carl Mason-Liebenberg February 7, 2012, 2:52 am

    I just LOVE this post! From first word to last I found it packed with simple and applicable truth and as one who felt rejection from very early in life, I had to learns these truths and still have to intentionally apply them in my life. I do deserve it! THank you!

    • Sherie February 7, 2012, 9:13 am

      You so do deserve it, Carl!! Living your life with self acceptance is so key to overcoming any feelings of rejection, no matter what their origin. Thank you so much for your kind words, big hugs to you!! : D

  • Jennifer February 6, 2012, 9:53 pm

    Thanks for a great article Sherie. It is sad to see how many people base their feelings of self-worth on outside influences. My favorite point that you make is the fact that “you decide” everything that you think. Someone can only make you feel bad if you let them ~ and don’t you let them!

    • Sherie February 6, 2012, 9:59 pm

      Absolutely, Jennifer! Thank you so much for your comment!

  • Nancy Olson, The Celiac Warrior February 3, 2012, 9:11 pm

    I can so relate to Sarah in your posting, that was me! I started to look at the situations differently as I have become more aware.

    • Sherie February 3, 2012, 9:13 pm

      Nancy, that is awesome that you started to look at situations differently as you became more aware! Right on! Thank you for your comment, I appreciate you doing that!

  • Mona February 3, 2012, 2:13 am

    “Approval and acceptance are an inside job.” Well said, now let me remember this often!

    • Sherie February 3, 2012, 9:58 am

      Thank you, Mona, and you can, you know, remember this often! Thanks so much for reading the post and commenting!

  • Carol Giambri February 2, 2012, 9:42 pm

    Great article and choosing how I feel is important as others may try to ruin that feeling but I can choose to keep it. I own me so I have to honor that “me.” If I had listened to my parents way back I would not be alive today–very negative environment.

    • Sherie February 2, 2012, 10:16 pm

      Thank you, Carol! It is so awesome that you made the choice to be happy and to listen to yourself. Thank you for your comment!

  • Lorrie February 2, 2012, 5:31 pm

    Your blog is always thoughtful, kind, insightful. This one no exception. Thanks for encouraging us all to choose to be happy. 🙂

    • Sherie February 2, 2012, 9:31 pm

      Thank you so much, Lorrie!! : D : D

  • Susan Preston February 2, 2012, 5:20 pm

    Love, love, love this Sherie. Many things you wrote resonated with me, the the point that stood out for me is, “Approval and Acceptance is an Inside Job…The approval that you seek can never be found out there.” For many years I tried to get approval from others, except from myself. It wasn’t until I left my 1st marriage of 23 years and the State I was living in and started over that I realized I did not need my parents approval or anybody else’s for that matter, except my own. In that moment of clarity, it changed my life Forever…in an Amazing way! Thank you for sharing your knowledge, wisdom and sharing from your beautiful heart.

    • Sherie February 2, 2012, 9:37 pm

      Thank you!! Susan, isn’t it amazing how our lives can change in one moment of clarity? Thank you so much for sharing that with us; it is quite amazing how such a beautiful experience can grow out of starting over. I am grateful that you shared your inspiration with us and just look at how far you have come, such a beautiful soul spreading light….wonderful! Thank you for being here and for sharing! Hugs!

  • Liz Maness February 1, 2012, 8:43 pm

    AHH I love reading your articles.. I tell people these things all the tome and know them to be true but I don’t practice what I preach enough! Thank you doll!

    • Sherie February 1, 2012, 10:28 pm

      You are so welcome, Liz!! <3 <3 Thank you so much for the lovely comment!

  • Karla Campos February 1, 2012, 7:05 pm

    Sheri you are extremely right, it is sad to see so many people out there looking for acceptance outside of themselves. I have learned that NO just means try something different and that has been extremely helpful along the way.

    • Sherie February 1, 2012, 7:22 pm

      Thank you, Karla and I really like how you phrase that. Yes, NO just means try something different. I am glad that you took the time to comment!

  • Beau Henderson February 1, 2012, 6:40 pm

    You can be happy whatever your circumstance, I love this. The ability to choose happiness and taking control over emotions which we often surrender control to.

    • Sherie February 1, 2012, 7:20 pm

      Exactly, Beau!! The choice is always ours and when we see that, then that is all the difference. Thanks so much for your comment, I appreciate you!

  • Rod February 1, 2012, 1:46 pm

    Great article Sherie, and I can’t help but wonder if this affects a lot more women than men. I don’t see men reacting that way (although it may be bottled up) but I do notice it more with women. Just curious what your thoughts were.

    • Sherie February 1, 2012, 2:44 pm

      Thank you, Rod, I appreciate you commenting! It might look like it affects more women than men and it is more a matter of the negative beliefs that have been instilled and accepted at an early age, rather than gender. More and more men are coming to terms with those beliefs (and I do know men who have them). It might not be socially acceptable for a lot of men to admit that they have those beliefs and feelings, yet. So much depends on how a person is raised and the beliefs that they see modeled around them in childhood. I hope that answers your question!

  • Anita February 1, 2012, 11:59 am

    Love this article..it completely resonates with the work I do. What a way to start off the post with such a powerful quote too! Kudos to you 🙂 Love it!

    • Sherie February 1, 2012, 12:22 pm

      Thank you, Anita!! I love the work that you do! : D

  • Alexandra McAllister February 1, 2012, 11:05 am

    I enjoyed reading this article. A lot of great insight!
    I like what you wrote: “If underneath it all, there lies a limiting belief of “I am not good enough”; life will feel empty and hollow. Do whatever is necessary to change that…and you can…and remember that you are worth it.” Love it! I made a decision over the weekend to end a friendship. I know I am worth it and for my own sanity, this was what I chose to do! Best decision ever!

    • Sherie February 1, 2012, 11:57 am

      Thank you so much, Alexandra, I really appreciate you!! Those decisions can be hard and yet, so necessary, especially if it was that kind of friendship. I am very happy that you made the right decision and it sounds like you really have because you are SO worth it!! You are an amazing lady and deserve the very best. : D

  • Eva Blaskovic January 31, 2012, 1:26 am

    An article that needed to be written, from the emotions that surround the word “no” to this:

    “Approval and Acceptance is an Inside Job
    The approval that you seek can never be found out there.”

    It’s true that there are people who, no matter how much you appreciate and praise them, never seem to feel accepted. The sense of acceptance definitely has to come from within, and only that person has the power to do it. On the other hand, simply knowing you have that choice, you can choose to feel accepted no matter what others’ appraisal of you is. Usually, the assessment has more to do with their shortcomings than yours, or your value systems and activities clash rather than mesh.

    • Sherie January 31, 2012, 9:47 am

      Eva, that is so beautifully put, you have captured the essence of the post so well. You are such a brilliant writer, love your comment!! Thank you so much!

  • Rob Hodgins January 30, 2012, 3:21 pm

    This line speaks strongly: “Take responsibility for the way that you feel by realizing that you are the one who chooses how you feel.”

    Sherie, as you said, this is an inside job. The resolution comes from inside.

    • Sherie January 30, 2012, 3:24 pm

      It does, Rob…