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Relationship Tips. #3: Are You Getting the Respect you Deserve?

When you have respectRelationship Tip 3 Respect You Deserve Relationship in your relationship…for yourself and for your significant other…
then you both can thrive in an atmosphere of love…because without respect there is no love…

“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.”
― Steve Hall

Respect is not Fear or Contempt

In fact, respect is one of the opposites of both fear and contempt. If you have some measure of fear or contempt towards the person that you are in relationship with, then you can’t respect them…and it is likely that they don’t respect you.

“Respect is love in plain clothes” Frankie Byrne

Let’s imagine a couple…they have been together for a couple of years…and they are out for dinner. During that dinner, Jane is ready to order…and she picks her favorite meal…a burger with fries. Her partner, Jim, looks at her and says with a tone of contempt, in front of the waiter, “You’re not ordering that, are you? Shouldn’t you get a salad?” and he looks pointedly at her waist.

That is not respect. That is not love…is it? You might argue that he is doing it because he is concerned about her health…maybe he is…that isn’t the way to go about it, though, is it? That is contempt and shaming…and it’s not a good thing…

Where does Respect in a Relationship Begin?

Respect for Yourself

  • It begins with a deep and abiding love of yourself and respect for you and all that you are…and for some people, this can be difficult…
  •  It starts with self-care and actually knowing what you want in life. ..
  • It is a deep acknowledgement of the past that you might have had…and realizing that even if it was difficult…that you are here now…
  • It is about knowing your own boundaries and where to draw the line. If you don’t have a good system of boundaries to protect you, then you won’t know when someone is crossing that invisible line…and you do need to know…
  • It is being able to look into a mirror and feeling good and proud of the image that you see looking back at you…
  • It is recognizing that you have responsibility for your own life…

Respect for Your Partner

  • No name calling or ridiculing
  • Listening while they have their say…give them the space to do that…
  • Acknowledging and respecting the other’s personal boundaries
  • Letting go of criticism and belittling

When you have respect for your partner, there is an abiding love that is bigger than the romantic love that we see on the Hollywood screen. There is a deep caring for the wellbeing of the other, physically, emotionally and financially.

When you have respect, you want to see your partner succeed.

When you have respect, you have trust and that is a beautiful thing.

What Does Respect Look Like in a Relationship?

  • Making important decisions together
  • Financial fidelity
  • Emotional and physical fidelity
  • Keeping your word and promises to the relationship
  • Honoring your dreams and those of your partner

…and more…


It all comes down to this…how do you feel when you are with the other person? Do you feel that you are respected? Do you feel that you respect your partner? Talk with your partner and see how they feel. If the answer is yes…wonderful! Keep doing what you are doing!

If the answer is no…then there is some work to do…isn’t there…because the bottom line is this…we all deserve to have respect…both for ourselves and for our partner…and most definitely for the relationship. Respect is like a fertile plot of land with deep, dark and rich soil…when you have it, love can flourish. If you don’t have respect, then your relationship is built on a rocky, thorny piece of ground with poor soil and it will have difficulty growing and blossoming…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner 


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I am a Relationship Coach who helps others create happy, healthy, loving relationships…including the relationship they have with themselves…by breaking through those blocks and barriers to success. I use various techniques gathered through training as a Master Practitioner of NLP, timeline, hypnosis and common sense gathered through life experience.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Michael McDonald September 3, 2012, 2:07 pm

    Yes everyone deserves respect. I see it in the restaurant industry all the time how some people treat others and it’s really quite painful to see. I’d like to think I treat other people much better than that and if not then it’s time to figure out what my problem is. Usually if I treat someone else poorly it reflects something that’s not right with me.
    Michael McDonald recently posted..Tony Horton on Today talking P90XMy Profile

    • Sherie September 3, 2012, 2:30 pm

      Very good points, Michael, thanks so much for commenting!

  • Sharon O'Day September 3, 2012, 1:34 am

    I believe we “message” how we want to be treated … and usually get back treatment that is congruent. Not always, of course. Then we have a decision to make: did I not telegraph clearly? Or is the other person not willing or able to respond congruently?
    Sharon O’Day recently posted..Avoidance Is Not Our FriendMy Profile

    • Sherie September 3, 2012, 10:55 am

      That is a very interesting point, Sharon. We often invite people into our lives who give us back the beliefs that we already hold…

  • Helena Bowers September 2, 2012, 7:02 pm

    Great post Sherie! Respect for yourself is so important. If you can’t respect yourself it makes it hard for others to respect you, and that makes it hard to have any type of relationship at all.
    Helena Bowers recently posted..Are You Giving Your Audience What They Want?My Profile

    • Sherie September 2, 2012, 8:16 pm

      It really does, Helena…thanks so much for commenting!

  • Susan Preston September 1, 2012, 12:39 pm

    Love, love, love this post! Thanks, Sherie! It is so important to start by giving ourselves the respect that we deserve. By doing so, we also teach others how to respect us as well.
    Susan Preston recently posted..Your Thoughts Become ThingsMy Profile

    • Sherie September 1, 2012, 3:43 pm

      Absolutely, Susan!

  • Anita September 1, 2012, 6:08 am

    Many many great point here but I can say from personal experience and going through a divorce that respect comes first in my relationships now. All of them, not just with my fiance, but with my children,friends and business associates.
    Anita recently posted..Women’s Leadership: Turn Your Mistakes Into OpportunitiesMy Profile

    • Sherie September 1, 2012, 10:02 am

      Respect is important in all of our relationships! : D

  • Sue August 29, 2012, 10:59 pm

    Love this post. I remember a very dear friend telling me many years ago that respect is at the top of the list for what men desire most in relationships. I believe it’s something that each of us desires and deserves; thanks for bringing this to light!
    Sue recently posted..Where to StartMy Profile

    • Sherie August 29, 2012, 11:03 pm

      Love your insights, Sue! Thanks for your comment!

  • Barbara J Peter August 29, 2012, 8:21 pm

    Ah very good Post Sherie, respect is so important to your marriage without it you have no communication of value. I enjoy your site !
    Barbara J Peter recently posted..Have a Happy Marriage – Advice on a Shoestring Budget!My Profile

    • Sherie August 29, 2012, 8:53 pm

      Thank you, Barbara!

  • Nisha August 29, 2012, 4:57 pm

    I’ve actually had a “partner” recommend a salad to me on more than one occasion, so I can relate to that example!

    I really like your list of what respect in a relationship looks like. It’s easy to say you respect your partner, but your list is a better test to see if you really walk the walk. Thanks for the pointers. I’m going to reassess and make sure I’m doing all I can to make sure my husband knows I respect him! 🙂
    Nisha recently posted..Uncovering Your Courage When Facing A CrisisMy Profile

    • Sherie August 29, 2012, 6:23 pm

      I am so glad that you found the list helpful, Nisha! Yes, we all deserve to have respect in our relationships!

  • Meryl Beck August 29, 2012, 1:02 pm

    I like what your wrote, Sherie–good points, thanks for posting this!
    Meryl Beck recently posted..Dealing with Low-Energy PeopleMy Profile

    • Sherie August 29, 2012, 2:32 pm

      You’re welcome,Meryl, thanks for reading it and commenting! : D

  • Nancy Olson, The Celiac Warrior August 29, 2012, 11:51 am

    Interesting article but all so very true and inspiring also. Hubby and I were out of town for a couple of days to the Minnesota State Fair and this is one of the things we talked about throughout the couple of days. We would see people disrepecting others that we would talk about it after we moved on down the midway or where ever we were headed off too. The thing is we see all ages, all races, and it didn’t matter if it was spouce, parents or even kids. Where has the respect gone?
    Nancy Olson, The Celiac Warrior recently posted..Support for CeliacsMy Profile

    • Sherie August 29, 2012, 12:23 pm

      I don’t know, Nancy…I am afraid that it is a combination of many factors…: ( It is really important that we start to respect each other, isn’t it?

  • Lisa Birnesser August 29, 2012, 11:39 am

    Sherie, this is such a great post! Respect does start with yourself. Self-care, setting boundaries and practicing forgiveness are definitely great ways to show self-respect. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom!
    Lisa Birnesser recently posted..Good Housekeeping: How Perfectionism Can Lead to a Cluttered HomeMy Profile

    • Sherie August 29, 2012, 11:49 am

      Lisa, thanks so much for your comment! Yes, respect does start with yourself!

  • Norma Doiron August 29, 2012, 9:11 am

    Great article Sherie. Right on the nose. If you don’t respect yourself it is what you present to the world and it will come back your way. It’s a given. Thanks, girlfriend. YOU rocked this article!
    Norma Doiron recently posted..Top Keys to Fire Up Your Blogging Audience Response, Part 2My Profile

    • Sherie August 29, 2012, 10:07 am

      Norma, thank you!!

  • elizabeth maness August 29, 2012, 1:18 am

    Oh yes I hate to see people in a relationship where there is a lack of respect ! That stinks. Awesome as always. I agree there is no relation when there is no respect !
    elizabeth maness recently posted..Self Help Can’t Help if you only Read or ListenMy Profile

    • Sherie August 29, 2012, 9:05 am

      Thanks, Elizabeth, we agree!

  • Cathy August 28, 2012, 5:56 pm

    Great topic, Sherie. Respect is essential in any relationship. Without it, most will not survive, but with it, the relationship can bloom and grow. This is important – I will be sharing this post.
    Cathy recently posted..9 Parents Who Are Making a DifferenceMy Profile

    • Sherie August 28, 2012, 7:21 pm

      Cathy, it is essential! I so appreciate you sharing the post, thank you! : D

  • Steve Gamlin August 28, 2012, 3:22 pm

    Great messages. I deserved a flare gun to the goodies for quitting my radio career WITHOUT telling my now ex-wife. Let’s just say Steve has learned a lot in the last 10 years. Tina is my reward for learning to be a better partner. : )

    • Sherie August 28, 2012, 3:43 pm

      Wow, Steve! You have come a long way! Good for you!

  • Moira Hutchison August 28, 2012, 12:34 pm

    Great post Sherie! Yes – respect is THE most important thing in a long-lasting and nurturing relationship. I love the idea you shared there about how do you feel when you are with the other person… it is such a great indicator of how the relationship is going – and therefore how to continue ;).
    Moira Hutchison recently posted..Releasing Mental ExhaustionMy Profile

    • Sherie August 28, 2012, 12:39 pm

      It is a great indicator and it is important to pay attention to it! Thanks so much for your comment, Moira! : D

  • Olga Hermans August 28, 2012, 10:11 am

    Respect is one of the highest character traits you owe to yourself and that you can show to others. Men and women alike, but especially men I think. Great post Sherie..
    Olga Hermans recently posted..Dare To Be RealMy Profile

    • Sherie August 28, 2012, 10:37 am

      Olga, absolutely! Thank you.