≡ Menu

Dealing with Emotional Pain

If you arerelease the past let it go dealing with emotional pain or have dealt with it in the past, you know how consuming it can feel. Emotional pain can be larger than the suffering of physical pain.

Emotional pain can blur any of the good experiences that you can have in your life. If you have been reliving the past, holding onto those negative emotions and felt that you were powerless against those emotions…read on…

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”– Paulo Coelho

3 Ways Emotional Pain Hurts You

1. Reliving the Past

If you have been stuck in a vicious cycle of reliving the past negative emotional events that cause you pain, emotional pain can begin to manifest as physical pain…as depression…as anxiety…as panic attacks.

2. Holding on to the Emotions

This is crippling and keeps people stuck…when a person holds on so tight to those damaging negative emotions, the pain can be beyond belief.

3. Avoidance and Not Being Fully in the Now

There are many behaviors that people use to avoid emotional pain. There is excessive drinking, overeating, overspending, gambling, sex addiction and the list goes on…doesn’t it? Life is barren of joy if we can’t really be in the now…in the present…because it really is the only reality that we have…there is only now…

What I Learned about Emotional Pain and Physical Pain

As someone who was very physically active, training for my black belt in Tae Kwon Do, I gathered some injuries along the way. If you are familiar with trigger points, you know that little lumps of scar tissue…very painful scar tissue…can build up over injury sites. The muscle can’t slide easily anymore and it causes restrictions…very, very, very painful restrictions…

Emotional pain is like a trigger point. It is like a buildup of scar tissue over an old emotional injury or abuse…and when you have an event happen that reminds you of the original painful event, you get triggered and the emotional pain is right there…

In order to release those trigger points and have my muscles move smoothly without restriction, I had to see a chiropractor who specializes in Active Release Techniques. The trigger point is pressed, deeply and it really hurts. It lets go of the pain, though.

The thing is…in order to release that pain, I needed to go through the pain…and it was temporary.

What You Can Do to Release Emotional Pain

  • Cry
  • Journal your thoughts and feelings
  • Talk to someone and set a limit…it is too easy to get stuck in your own story if you let it go on and on…
  • Get a different perspective on the situation
  • Meditation and deep breathing
  • Use various techniques (EFT, NLP, and Hypnosis for example) to let go of that baggage
  • Feel the pain…here, I must warn you…if you are going to do this one, please have a support person with you. Realize that if you can be with the pain for a short while, just the act of feeling it, can release it. But this is not for everyone. Especially if there has been a significant trauma…please…if there has been a BIG event…do not do this one alone.

Life can be painful. None of us get through life with any pain. Suffering is optional, though. Remember, that pain no longer serves a purpose. Emotional pain is a warning system to let us know that something wasn’t right. A boundary may have been violated or there was a loss…

So…if that pain no longer serves a purpose…maybe it is time to just let it go…because you can…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

The following two tabs change content below.


I am a Relationship Coach who helps others create happy, healthy, loving relationships…including the relationship they have with themselves…by breaking through those blocks and barriers to success. I use various techniques gathered through training as a Master Practitioner of NLP, timeline, hypnosis and common sense gathered through life experience.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Sally K Witt September 21, 2012, 12:12 pm

    So glad that you shared this info with us, Sherie. It is a big important topic.

    • Sherie September 21, 2012, 2:03 pm

      Sally, I am so glad you that you found it valuable! And big hugs for sharing it on Pinterest and Google, I appreciate that! : D

  • Kai Mott September 20, 2012, 12:42 am

    WOW! What a well – written article! It’s great, isn’t it?

    I love this statement: “So…if that pain no longer serves a purpose…maybe it is time to just let it go…because YOU CAN!”

    • Sherie September 20, 2012, 12:52 am

      Kai, I appreciate that, thank you!

      • Kai Mott October 16, 2012, 12:48 am

        Hey Sherie!

        Do you know Time Line Therapy®?

        • Sherie October 16, 2012, 8:47 am

          Yes, Kai, I do!

  • Vicky September 11, 2012, 12:34 am

    Great post Sherie! I love the visual. Thanks for sharing.

    • Sherie September 11, 2012, 1:33 am

      Thanks for your comment, Vicky!

  • Pat Moon September 9, 2012, 4:46 pm

    Sherie, thanks for great tips on releasing emotional pain. I learned years ago that when I dwell on a traumatic or very emotional event, I get more and more bound up in it. It is important to release it by doing what ever activity will help work through it.

    • Sherie September 9, 2012, 5:02 pm

      Yes! Exactly, Pat! Thanks so much for your comment!

  • Helena September 9, 2012, 8:39 am

    Great post Sherie! I know this year has been one of closing doors and letting things go for me. The best way I’ve found to release a lot of the emotional gunk surrounding it has been to cry a lot and then write about it and burn the pages.
    Helena recently posted..Can You Be Too Transparent?My Profile

    • Sherie September 9, 2012, 11:04 am

      Destroying the pages you have written is a really cool, symbolic way to do a release, Helena, thanks for sharing and commenting!

  • Susan Myers September 6, 2012, 4:58 pm

    Love this article Sherrie, so much valuable information here. I just bookmarked it to come back and incorporate a few ideas.
    Susan Myers recently posted..Infographics-How To Use Them In Your ContentMy Profile

    • Sherie September 6, 2012, 7:30 pm

      Thank you, Susan, I am glad you found the article valuable!

  • Suzanne Jones September 6, 2012, 6:03 am

    “The thing is…in order to release that pain, I needed to go through the pain…and it was temporary.” Excellent point and excellent example!
    I have an issue with a toe of mine. So much pain. My massage therapist also trained in other modalities tortured me and pulled and twisted it. Thought I was going to come off the table! As a result, no more pain, however I did have to manage it, in order for it not to reoccur. Same with emotions, like you said. When we learn pain need only be temporary by learning tools to manage, we can then welcome it, as we learn much value when all is said and done.
    Suzanne Jones recently posted..How To Tear Down The Wall And Learn To Trust YourselfMy Profile

    • Sherie September 6, 2012, 9:32 am

      Well said, Suzanne! We can learn from the pain and let it go!

  • denny hagel September 6, 2012, 2:20 am

    I have found in my work with parents that holding on to past hurts, even subconsciously, is like living life with a dark cloud above…the sun never gets to fully shine on the wonderfulness of life…and sadly that is the perception that is passed on to their children. Wonderful article, thanks for sharing!
    denny hagel recently posted..Dealing with a Fearful ChildMy Profile

    • Sherie September 6, 2012, 9:32 am

      Everything we do does get passed down to our children and because of that, it is so important that we make the changes that we need to…we want to change that family legacy!

  • Denise Sonnenberg September 5, 2012, 11:04 pm

    Some emotional pains are like layers of an onion. You just take one off at a time. You think you’ve removed it all, but nope there’s more.
    Denise Sonnenberg recently posted..6 Lessons for Running a Facebook ContestMy Profile

    • Sherie September 6, 2012, 9:33 am

      I like that metaphor, Denise…like the layers of an onion and your peel it off one layer at a time!

  • Kim Hawkins September 5, 2012, 5:10 pm

    Like any thing, making a decision to handle the pain is so important. These are all active measures one can take to handle it and it shows there are a variety of ways. No matter what, it’s important to feel it, acknowledge it and make a move on dealing with it. Great tips Sherie!
    Kim Hawkins recently posted..How to Find Purpose in Everyday LivingMy Profile

    • Sherie September 5, 2012, 6:44 pm

      Kim, appreciate the comment! Yes, there are many ways to handle it…and that decision is an important first step!

  • Sara Nickleberry September 5, 2012, 11:47 am

    Another great post Sherie. I always learn something or see something differently than before. Thank you.
    Sara Nickleberry recently posted..How To Create A Memorable BrandMy Profile

    • Sherie September 5, 2012, 11:58 am

      I’m glad, Sara! Thanks for commenting!

  • Carolyn Hughes September 5, 2012, 7:25 am

    Firstly I am impressed that you have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do! Way to go Sherie!
    Great post on why we need to let go. I love that sentence at the end ‘if that pain no longer serves a purpose….’ That is such a good question to ask yourself if you are reliving the past. “What good is this doing?” The answer is nothing!
    Thanks for sharing your wisdom Sherie.
    Carolyn Hughes recently posted..A Whisper of Hope.My Profile

    • Sherie September 5, 2012, 9:30 am

      Awww…thanks, Carolyn! And when we realize that it is not doing us any good, it is so much easier to just let it go…thanks so much for your comment!

  • Adam D. Oglesby September 4, 2012, 9:35 pm

    Enjoyed your post.

    Everything that has ever happened to us shapes who we are today. Most of them, particularly the little, seemingly insignificant things– we’ll have no clue to what extent it melded us into who we are today.

    (Wouldn’t it be cool to see a blueprint, a schematic of what event triggered what response in you, like: “This event made me prefer bananas over coconuts,” or “This event made me scared of old lady with blue hair”…?)

    By nature I’m not a happy, giddy with joy kind of person. Too much time spent doing something for a living I would have preferred not to do, I suppose.

    On the other hand, I’m not sure I would define myself as being in emotional pain—certainly not to the extent that I’d want to seek counseling. I do, however, spend a fair amount of time, regretting how I spent the last dozen years or so of my life.

    Let go of the past, some would say. Yeah, it certainly sounds good on paper.

    The good thing, maybe I see a smidgen of light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s just hope that that illumination isn’t a bolt of lightening.
    Adam D. Oglesby recently posted..Abstinence Doesn’t Work: How Long Can You Wait?My Profile

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 10:35 pm

      Adam, first of all, thank you for the kind words and I am glad that you enjoyed the post. In a way, our memories are our blueprint and with a careful look, we can see what events triggered those responses…most of the time. I would hope that as time goes by, you spend less time in regret…that can be painful in its own way, can’t it? I am glad that you see a smidgen of light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for your comment, appreciate you stopping by!

  • Lisa Birnesser September 4, 2012, 8:06 pm

    I loved the analogy with trigger points and emotional pain.”The thing is…in order to release that pain, I needed to go through the pain…and it was temporary.” And that’s a huge fear for some people. It seems like it will last forever but it doesn’t have to when letting go of emotional pain. Another fabulous article, Sherie!
    Lisa Birnesser recently posted..Five Anti-Stress Foods You Need to Know AboutMy Profile

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 8:31 pm

      Thank you, Lisa! Love your comment!

  • Norma Doiron September 4, 2012, 7:07 pm

    My best ones are cry, and talk about it. Works every time for me! You have made excellent points here, Sherie. Thanks!
    Norma Doiron recently posted..Live Wise – Secrets to a Successful LifeMy Profile

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 7:24 pm

      Thanks for commenting, Norma! : D

  • Anita September 4, 2012, 4:49 pm

    In years past it was not always easy for me to release pain. I am a work in progress and I have educated myself in the past 20 plus years to let go…Although sometimes, I find it difficult to cry.
    Anita recently posted..Live the Life You Desire Women’s LeadershipMy Profile

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 4:56 pm

      Crying can be so helpful if we can only give ourselves permission to do it, Anita…

  • Moira Hutchison September 4, 2012, 4:43 pm

    Great post Sherie! I loved how you described emotional pain as being trigger points – it’s so true and empowering to realize that they can be released when tapping into the right technique. It’s also so very true that often times, it’s the fear of the pain that is worse than the experience itself! – Thanks!
    Moira Hutchison recently posted..Secrets to Improving Your Self-EsteemMy Profile

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 4:55 pm

      Yes! The fear of the pain can definitely be greater than the actual pain! Thanks so much for your comment, Moira, appreciate it!

  • Susan Preston September 4, 2012, 4:20 pm

    Thank you for such an Amazing post, Sherie! I love that you are such an inspiration to so many. You give such great information here. I especially loved when you wrote, “So…if that pain no longer serves a purpose…maybe it is time to just let it go…because you can…” That is so very true. We have the power to just let it go. Brilliant post!!!
    Susan Preston recently posted..Guest Post: 4 Reasons Why You Need The Right RelationshipsMy Profile

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 4:52 pm

      It is very true…and there really is no reason to hold on to it…take what you’ve learned and move on! Thanks, Susan!

  • Elizabeth L Maness September 4, 2012, 2:26 pm

    Thanks Sherie I needed to read this one. I learned the hard way what emotional pan buried can do to you. I relived a painful trama that was triggered by what happened to a loved one and began having serious panic attacks. Now I have to see a doctor often and am being treated for the disorder. I hope you save someone else from dealing with what I did. Love it doll!
    Elizabeth L Maness recently posted..Self Help Can’t Help if you only Read or ListenMy Profile

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 3:37 pm

      Elizabeth, thinking of you, dear…you have gone through a lot…buried pain can reach out and bite you when you least expect it…

  • Barbara J Peter September 4, 2012, 2:22 pm

    These are very good ideas on coping with and releasing emotional pain. They really can keep you from moving forward and having a good relationship when you don’t deal with the pain and move forward. Great Post Sherie.
    Barbara J Peter recently posted..Ann Romney: My Marriage is Real! – Relationship Tips from the RNC ConventionMy Profile

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 3:37 pm

      Thanks so much for your comment, Barbara!

  • Olga Hermans September 4, 2012, 12:10 pm

    I know what you are talking about; I remember the time when my parents had passed away at a fairly young age. I kept rehearsing the moments and what could have happened. It is and was very painful to see women of my age who still had their parents. But it is the way it is and we have to move forward!
    Olga Hermans recently posted..What Is Your Focus?My Profile

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 2:04 pm

      We do need to move forward…no matter what…or how hard it is…big hugs, Olga…

  • Lisa Frederiksen - BreakingTheCycles.com September 4, 2012, 12:07 pm

    I love your analogy, and your suggestions are terrific. I’ve tried many of them myself and they work! Surprisingly, crying is a huge help – I’d always thought it was pointless because I could “think” it through — but giving into a good cry can be very helpful. Thanks, Sherie.

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 2:05 pm

      Thank you, Lisa! Yes, I know what you mean about crying…so often, we are told to buck up but really, a good cry can help so much!

  • Steve Gamlin September 4, 2012, 11:43 am

    Re-living the past is like watching the same ‘Suckiest Highlight Reel’ over and over. No victory. Any new growth is negated by it. I know my past, I was there the first time it happened an re-lived it plenty of times since. I’d rather leave it in a box marked ‘The Past’ and enjoy the new positive re-runs. Great message Sherie!! : )

    • Sherie September 4, 2012, 2:05 pm

      “Suckiest Highlight Reel”…Steve, lol, that is the perfect way to describe it! Thank you!