As children, we all played an excuses game and were highly skilled at it…”he made me do it…” etc. “I had to eat it because it looked so good and there wasn’t much left…it was just a little bit”…or maybe you are familiar with this one…”it’s her fault that I yelled at her (hit her). If she didn’t act that way, I wouldn’t have to do it!” There are never good excuses for bad behavior.
Bad Excuses and Good Excuses
There are all kinds of excuses. Some are good excuses. Some are bad excuses. For example, this week I had dental surgery and was told by my dentist to rest, among other things. So I had an excuse to not do housework or walk the dog. It was a legitimate excuse and one I would rather have not had! 
Breaking a leg and being told to stay off of it for x number of weeks is a good excuse to stay on the couch. Sitting on the couch all day and eating chips in front of the television for x number of weeks “because I'm bored and can't think of anything else to do” is a bad excuse.
Do you remember when you were young and you asked your parents (usually your mother) if you could do something? And she asked “why?” and you said…”because all the other kids are doing it”…and she gave you that look and said to you “If all the other kids were jumping off a bridge, would you do it, too?” Maybe it was just my mom who said that…but I think not…that is a bad excuse.
There are lots of good excuses and there are lots of bad excuses.
Why Do We Continue to Make Bad Excuses
Because…on a certain level…it works…that is why we do everything…on a certain level, it works for us…we get something out of it, even if we aren’t aware of it. There is a desire to have or do something in our lives and yet…underneath that are the “justified reasons” or excuses that prevent us from accomplishing it.
- It’s a habit or pattern to make excuses that we have gotten into (and habits can be broken)
- It helps us to avoid taking responsibility for our lives (it wasn’t my fault)
- It helps us to cope with a life that is overwhelming (we can get new coping skills)
- It prevents us from feeling pain or embarrassment in new situations (or so we think)
- It stops us from dealing with any underlying negative beliefs (those can be changed)
Taking Responsibility: the Ultimate Excuses Killer
When we can understand that our behaviors all stem from CHOICE and we can take responsibility…those excuses all fall away.
Yet, taking responsibility can be one of the hardest things that we ever do. For some people, it is a gradual realization that the path to personal power starts with being at a position of assuming responsibility. For others, there is a sudden moment of realization, an epiphany, that if they want things to be different, they must be at choice…
There is no right or wrong way to arrive. You might be surprised at how quickly you can let go of making excuses…if you saw that you could…let go…just by making a choice to…how easy would that be?
And imagine all of the good things that can happen if you believe that you ARE at choice…that you hold that power in your life…it makes it all so much better…doesn’t it? Because when you know that you are the one who makes the choice, then you are the one who makes all of the choices…and you can have the life that you choose…when you let all of those bad excuses go…
"Drive your own life…you deserve to, don't you?" Sherie Venner
Sherie
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{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
It all really comes down to taking responsibility doesn’t it? It’s the hard thing to do, but it’s the right thing and it’s worth it. If only more people would realize that. Great post as always Sherie!
It really does, Sara…and thank you my dear, for your very kind words! : D
Great post Sherie! Taking responsibility is the only way we can make positive change in our lives and the lives of others. Otherwise, nothing gets done. Thanks so much for sharing!
It is…thank you for reading and commenting, Sarah!
Great post, Sherie. I often start to make excuses when I am feeling overwhelmed. The funny thing is that all I need to do was ask for help in the first place…but then I make the excuse that I can do everything myself. Sigh….I’m working on it.
Yes, Theresa, thinking that you need to do everything yourself is a huge part of feeling overwhelmed. Just the fact that you recognize it is a huge step, my friend!
I tend to make excuses about the things I don’t want to do…I know now I just need to do it!
Absolutely! Thanks for commenting, Mandy!
Thank you for the reminder Sherie! We have a little excuse maker at my house! We’re working on that though! One step at a time!
One step at a time is an excellent strategy, Stacy! Way to go!
I enjoyed reading this article Sherie. I was taught not so long ago that in life, we either have reasons or we have results. If we have reasons (same thing as excuses), then we’re not going to have the results we want in life.
On the other hand, if we have the type of results we want in our life, then those reasons (aka: excuses) don’t really exist anymore. At this point, we’ve taken responsibility over our own lives, which is key as you’ve mentioned.
Edmund, responsibility for our own lives is key…thanks so much for your insights and comment!
Great post Sherie! Definitely can see how easy it can become to use excuses to simply stay “stuck” . I’m ready to break through and be the best I can be… so need to “let go” of some of this for sure!!! Thanks for the positive reminder to take responsibility!!
You’re very welcome, Sue, and I am glad that you are ready to break through! Bravo!!
We are so quick to make excuses for everything! Thank you for the reminder NOT to make them!
Totally, Traci! Thanks so much for your comment! : D
A wise person once told me, “If you’re giving the reasons, then you didnt get your results.” Simple and truthful, that hit home for me: best to skip the excuses, recognize that the results didnt happen, ask yourself, “What now?” and move forward from there without recrimination or the extra burden of the story
Excellent insight, Rhonda. If we skip the excuses, we can save ourselves a LOT of time in the long run…it really does simplify life.
I love this post, Sherie. I believe that in everything that we do, we are responsible for it. So, whatever happens we shouldn’t pass the blame to another person. Great article. Truly an eye-opener. Thanks for sharing this, Sherie.
We really are responsible…thanks so much for your comment, Lorii!
Excellent article that I hope everyone reads! Personal responsibility seems to be lost these days and sadly this ‘excuse’ mindset is being passed on to children. Thanks for sharing such an important topic!
Thank you, Denny. It is a very important mindset to have. We model what our children learn, don’t we?
Thank you for sharing your great wisdom and knowledge. It is Amazing just how much our life gets even more Extraordinary when we take responsibility for our life and gt rid of the excuses. Love it
It makes a tremendous change in our lives, doesn’t it? : D Thanks for your comment, Susan!!
As you may know, Sherie, “be personally responsible” is about as close to a mantra as I come. So this is right up my alley! If you’ve ever read Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements, this one falls right into the first one: “Be impeccable with your word.” This article’s going straight up on my FB page!
Sharon, thanks so much for your generosity in sharing the post, I so appreciate you doing that!! : D What a wonderful personal mantra to have. I read “The Four Agreements”, many, many years ago…might be time for a reread of that one, too.
Wonderful insight.
I shared this on my fb page.
Joanne, thank you for your kind words and for sharing! I appreciate you doing that, my dear! : D
Great eye opener, Sherie! It is so easy to blame things on someone or something else! We must flush out those excuses in order to move on with life! Thanks for sharing! I love it!
It is! I love how you say “flush” out those excuses…brilliant…then they can be “flushed” away! Thanks for commenting, Alexandra!
Good postm Sherie. Hmmmm, excuses! LOL
Hee hee….thanks so much for your comment, Sally!
Sherie,
You are so right about the power of excuses. There’s a saying that goes something like “If you want to do it, you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” It has sensitized me to taking time to look behind the excuse to see what’s really going on. It’s usually a task that is complex and I don’t know how to approach or has some kind of loaded emotional element to it. After figuring this out, I will follow your advice to just get whatever it is done already!
Absolutely, Amy…my mom always used to say, where there is a will, there is a way. Thanks so much for your insights, I appreciate your sharing!
Great post Sherie! It’s so easy to fall into the trap of blaming others or our past, when in reality it’s our choice whether to make an excuse for our behaviour or to change it. I’m reading Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book Excuses Begone! right now, so this is really great timing for me. Thanks!
That’s an excellent book…I read it a few years ago, should dig it out and reread it! Thank you, Helena, I appreciate your comment. : D
Choice! Yes! Everything we do is a choice. One excuse (or poor reason) is “I didn’t mean to do it” when the “it” was an obvious choice. Crutch..too many crutches out there for sure. Love this post. You rock.
Sharon G. Cobb
Thank you, Sharon! Yes, everything we do is a choice…you’ve hit that nail right on the head! : D
“we can understand that our behaviors all stem from CHOICE and we can take responsibility” I love this line. I think more people need to understand that it is all about choice.
Thanks for sharing!!
Thanks for reading! It truly is about being at Choice…
Hi Sherie,
Great post and good reminder to let go of those excuses. I seem to put off things I’m not comfortable with for whatever reason, and then at some point, it doesn’t work anymore. When we take back our power, good things await us. Take care.
Absolutely, Cathy! Thanks for your comment!
Oh i do this.. my oh my.. it’s always someone else’s fault ! LOL Thanks Sherie I needed that little hand slap..;)
LOL…we are all guilty of it to some extent or the other, Elizabeth…: D
We all know that we have made excuses someway for certain things that we didn’t want to be responsible for…only to find out that we will have to face it again..it is a way of postponing things, sin’t it?? And our life goes by thats the bad thing about it!!
It is a way of postponing things…absolutely…and yet, we do end up having to face it again and life does go on! Thanks so much for your comment, Olga, appreciate it!
Great post Sherie, because it is so easy to make excuses and play the blame game as to why we haven’t achieved something. So this post has prompted me to ask myself if I’m making excuses to prevent myself moving forward with a situation I know I should be tackling! ( The answer will probably be ‘Yes!’)
Excuses can be very subtle in our lives…it’s good to flush them out and then deal with them! : D Thanks so much for your comment!
This is excellent and such an important reminder. It’s so easy to get caught up in excuses and miss out on life. I will be sharing this with my readers as excuses are often what keep people stuck in substance abuse or “excusing” the behaviors of someone who is…
Lisa, it is very easy to get caught up in the excuses trap…I SO appreciate you sharing this with your readers…thank you!