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Relationship Tips. #5. Do Please and Thank You Factor in Your Relationships?

“Please” and “ThankRelationship tips 5 please and thank you you” are more than good manners in a relationship. In a recent post that I wrote on the 7 Warning Signs You Are Being Taken for Granted, I suggested that the absence of these words, “please” and “thank you”, were one of those warning signs.

Let’s imagine a relationship between two people…let’s call them Mike and Sally. They have been together for three years and both of them believe that they are meant to be together. Lately, though, Sally has been very short with Mike. For example, Sally says to him on garbage night “Take out the garbage. It has to be put out tonight.”

When Sally talks to Mike like this, she isn’t being respectful, is she? There is a spirit of ordering Mike around…when you say, “Please”, it adds a measure of respect to the request.

Words have Power

Words do have power. Words can create feelings, words can create our reality…words reveal our past and where we are in the present. And because words have power, “please” and “thank you “are powerful words. They are not just pleasantries, niceties…those words that we think we hear all the time…

They convey that the person we are speaking to is important. It might not seem that way, since in some instances we hear it so often that they are words that we take for granted. Just because you hear them from a sales clerk as she takes your credit card…and you might hear it from a waiter as they collect a tip that you have left them…does not mean that they are not important words.

Words of Acknowledgement

Please and thank you are words of acknowledgement. When you use them, you are recognizing the action of the person…and recognition of a person you have a relationship with is critical. Each day, there needs to be acknowledgement. Otherwise, you take those actions and that person for granted, don’t you?

Just because the garbage needs to be taken out, doesn’t mean that Sally should talk to Mike like that. So, “Please, could you take the garbage out?” is a more harmonious way to approach the task at hand and it shows respect to Mike, as a person.

“To say thank you, is in recognition of humanity” Toni Mont

Recognize those small things…

Saying Thank You is Expressing Gratitude

At its simplest terms, saying thank you is one way of expressing gratitude to the person you are in relationship with. A truly heart felt “thank you” can convey a depth of emotion that is unparalled…for isn’t all love based on a gratitude, a thankfulness for the existence of the other person?

When was the last time that you actually said to someone “Thank you for being you” and you really meant it?

“I find that the more willing I am to be grateful for the small things in life, the bigger stuff just seems to show up from unexpected sources, and I am constantly looking forward to each day with all the surprises that keep coming my way!” Louise L. Hay

Open yourself up to more surprises in your life…in all of your relationships…expand upon saying “please” and “thank you” and being aware of the emotions that come up when you actually feel the impact that those powerful words have. It is a very simple strategy…and you know…sometimes…those simple strategies…the small things…can be the ones that have the most impact…try it and see…just what happens…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner 

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I am a Relationship Coach who helps others create happy, healthy, loving relationships…including the relationship they have with themselves…by breaking through those blocks and barriers to success. I use various techniques gathered through training as a Master Practitioner of NLP, timeline, hypnosis and common sense gathered through life experience.

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  • Helena Bowers September 21, 2012, 6:45 am

    I couldn’t imagine, and wouldn’t really want to imagine, a world without “please” and “thank you.” I’m always amazed at how simple these words are to use, and they mean so much and yet so many people can’t be bothered. Thanks for a good reminder Sherie!
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    • Sherie September 21, 2012, 9:14 am

      Thank you, Helena, and yes, sometimes the simplest things make all the difference!

  • Ronae September 20, 2012, 9:52 pm

    What a great reminder! It is precious to listen to my two year old grandson practice saying please and thank you, and its a great reminder to me to continue saying it even if I’m around others who seem to have lost the art.
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    • Sherie September 20, 2012, 9:58 pm

      Awww…he must be such a little sweetie! What a joy it must be for you to see him practicing! Thanks so much for your comment, Ronae!

  • Moira Hutchison September 20, 2012, 4:28 pm

    Thanks for this excellent post Sherie – I agree that it’s really important to remember the “please” and “thank you” way… It occurred to me while reading your post – that these niceties can become overlooked when we do not stay in the present moment. Good reminders!
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    • Sherie September 20, 2012, 4:33 pm

      Moira, that is an excellent point, yes! Staying in the present moment definitely makes it easier to remember those niceties! Thanks so much for your comment!

  • Carolyn Hughes September 20, 2012, 11:03 am

    Love that you’ve written about this Sherie because I think saying ‘Please’ and ‘Thankyou’ is very important. If you say please it sounds like a request but without a ‘please’ it sounds more like an order. And everyone likes to hear a ‘thankyou’. It does make a big difference in day to day life!
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    • Sherie September 20, 2012, 12:35 pm

      It does…thanks so much for your insights, Carolyn! : D

  • Barbara Billig September 20, 2012, 10:43 am

    Great article! My husband always says thank you for the smallest things ….and he often muses about whether his kids will remember to say thank you. It is such a effortless thing to do but the words are….as you pointed out….so powerful. Thanks for sharing these great thoughts.

    • Sherie September 20, 2012, 12:35 pm

      Thanks, Barbara…it is an effortless thing to do that can make such a big difference!