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Relationship Tips. #6: Warning! Holding a Grudge is Harmful to You.

Grudges arerelationship tip 6 let go of grudges ugly. They hurt.

Grudges hurt relationships of all kinds.

They hurt mother/child relationships, spouse/spouse relationships, brother/brother or sister relationships…any kind of relationship.

Grudges cause rifts that seem to be too big to heal.

They make enemies out of close friends and strangers out of family members. Grudges suck.

What Lies Beneath the Forming of a Grudge?

There can be many things or there can be one event. It can be simple. Or it can be complex. Here are some common ways that you might recognize.

  • A misunderstanding
  • A miscommunication
  • A presumption
  • An assumption
  • A traumatic event
  • An offense made to one or both parties involved

At some point, if a relationship is important to you and you are the one holding a grudge, what steps can you take to let go of that grudge…so that the relationship can be salvaged…so that you stop living in the past and move on…

And even if the relationship can’t be salvaged…if you let that go…then you can go on and create something so much better, can’t you?

Steps to Stop Holding onto a Grudge

Forgiveness is the key. Whatever the circumstances that caused you to feel that way, forgiving is the main point to letting go of that negative state of holding a grudge. Forgiveness isn’t always easy though.

When you understand that forgiveness is for you…that you are the one freed…then it is easier to forgive…to find it in your heart to feel that feeling…because you deserve to be free.

That doesn’t mean that whatever happened was okay…it just means that holding onto it hurts you, doesn’t it? And you don’t need to carry that pain, anymore…

“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.”― Criss Jami

Be substantial enough…be big enough…to move on.

Recognize that you did the best you could, under the circumstances…because that is what we all do…Holding a grudge keeps you stuck in the past, at a point where it happened. Have you ever lain in bed at night, going over and over a time that was in your past…trying to think how things would have been different if you had done something different? Stop that!

Use a pattern interrupt to break that cycle of rehashing the event/time/person that you held a grudge over. If you find yourself going over it and over it and over it, do something else! Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you start getting stuck in that vicious cycle of thoughts…it works!

Realize that you can only change your own thought patterns. Each person is responsible for how they think. Even if you do forgive and let go of that grudge, the other party involved might not…and that is not your responsibility. They are at choice in how they manage their thoughts and feelings…just like you are.

So, forgive and let that grudge go…just because…and then when you have freed yourself from those chains…go out and create something absolutely amazing…that’s right…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner



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I am a Relationship Coach who helps others create happy, healthy, loving relationships…including the relationship they have with themselves…by breaking through those blocks and barriers to success. I use various techniques gathered through training as a Master Practitioner of NLP, timeline, hypnosis and common sense gathered through life experience.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Carolyn Hughes October 27, 2012, 12:26 pm

    Some wonderful truths here Sherie about forgiveness and letting go of grudges. The longer we hold on to them, the longer we hurt ourselves!
    Carolyn Hughes recently posted..The Gift of Gratitude.My Profile

    • Sherie October 27, 2012, 2:54 pm

      Yes, Carolyn, we agree here! : D

  • Moira Hutchison October 26, 2012, 4:08 pm

    I love this post Sherie… It’s so true that if we hold a grudge, it’s us that pays the price… kinda like saying I’m going to drink this poison because you did this wrong thing! Forgiveness is a powerful tool of self-healing AND empowerment!
    Moira Hutchison recently posted..Tips to Handle StressMy Profile

    • Sherie October 26, 2012, 5:07 pm

      Love that analogy, Moira, it’s exactly like that!

  • Olga Hermans October 26, 2012, 8:53 am

    Grudges or resentment toward things can be very draining; it totally drains all the energy away from me. So, yes forgiveness is key and changing my thoughts will always help to gain ground again…thanks Sherie
    Olga Hermans recently posted..God’s Early Warning Signs for TemptationMy Profile

    • Sherie October 26, 2012, 9:29 am

      They are such negative sink holes, aren’t they, Olga? Thanks so much for your insights!

  • Kimberly October 26, 2012, 6:50 am

    I am so happy that I found your newsletter & get to read your words….thank you so much

    • Sherie October 26, 2012, 9:28 am

      Kimberly, I am so grateful for you taking the time to read them. Thank you, sweetie! <3 <3

  • Carl Mason-Liebenbergarl Mason-Liebenberg October 26, 2012, 1:22 am

    This statement hit me like a 2×4 to the head today….Realize that you can only change your own thought patterns…I have been so stressed out about a household member lately and my thought patterns on it have not been in a healthy place…I want them to change so bad I could scream because they have such a negative impact on the entire household but in the process of it all I have only become myself a source of stress with my negative thought patterns about the situation. I can’t change him…I can change me! 🙂
    Carl Mason-Liebenbergarl Mason-Liebenberg recently posted..Free Day to Transform Your Body, Your LifeMy Profile

    • Sherie October 26, 2012, 9:31 am

      Carl, big, big hugs! What a huge realization for you!! That’s right…you can only change you…