Clear, concise
communication is necessary so that the person we are in relationship with, understands us. When we are understood…when we feel listened to…we feel appreciated and we feel more loved…we feel connected…like we belong…and that is all good…because everyone wants to feel that way…don’t they?
Now, that just makes sense, right? That communication would be the key to a successful relationship. ..and it should be simple. Yet, it’s not…especially if you have been in a relationship for a long time… or even if you are in a new relationship or just looking for one. In fact, for some people, communication is not easy at all. Simple. ..but not easy.
Why do you think that is? For a lot of us, we haven’t had good role models and it certainly isn’t taught in most schools. So, if you haven’t learned to be as good of a communicator as you would like, it’s not your fault. Now…it is your responsibility…and we all know that we keep learning as we live, don’t we?
The Biggest Failures in Communication in Relationships
There are 4 main failures in communication within the boundaries of relationships:
Assumptions
To assume…have you heard the saying to assume is to make an ass out of u and me…that can be true. As people, we do make assumptions and that is how we get through a day filled with millions of small details. However, there are times when making assumptions is totally the wrong thing to do.
Don’t assume that you know what your partner is thinking. Don’t assume that you know how your partner feels. Don’t assume the motivation behind your partner’s actions.
“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” ― Henry Winkler.
ASK questions and be as specific as you can, within the situation.
- What are you thinking?
- How are you feeling?
- Why are you doing that?
Not Listening
Once you have asked questions, LISTEN…that means listening with care.
Negative Body Language
- Arms crossed
- Eyes averted or looking down, no direct contact
- Rolling of eyes
- Head shaking
- Slouching
- Finger pointing or shaking
What message does these types of body language send? Yes, a substantial part of our communication is done through body language. It has a big impact, as do tones of voice and volume of voice, as well.
Lying
Honesty is an essential component of communication. If you don’t have honesty, you don’t have true communication in your relationship, do you? So, tell the truth. And when I say tell the truth, don’t be brutal. When we were first married, I had a pair of pants that were way too tight to look good.
My husband, the sweetie, didn’t point this fact out. Instead, he said, “Sweetheart, I don’t think those pants are as flattering as they should be. The pants aren’t cut well.” Have you ever been with someone who criticized your body instead of the clothing? There is a difference.
When You Have Good Communication in Your Relationship
Good communication in a relationship will lead to less painful conflict. It’s not whether you have conflict in a relationship or not. If someone tells you they never disagree with their partner, chances are that they have boundary issues. It’s how you approach the disagreement or conflict.
The key to any good relationship, on-screen and off, is communication and respect- Hermann Hesse
When you are clear…concise and honest…ask the right questions instead of making assumptions…be aware of the message that your body language is sending…and tell the truth…then…you have the foundations of communications that work.
And when you have solid, fair and workable lines of communication in your relationships, you have more love, more respect, more fun, more stability and more peace…and that leads to a life filled with more happiness and joy…just like that….
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
Sherie
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This is such an awesome article…. Thank you Sherie 🙂
I am so glad that you enjoyed it, Beth, thanks!
I used to be really bad about the negative body language! I tried to listen, but my expressions and posture said otherwise. Rolling my eyes and crossing my arms were my two big ones, but I try to pay more attention now to what I am communicating.
Nisha, isn’t it amazing how when we become aware of what we are doing, that we can change it? : D
Not listening is a big way to fail in communication. When you don’t listen, you fill in the blanks. That’s where assumptions come in to play. Great article, Sherie!
I agree, Lisa, thanks so much for your insights!
I can relate…assuming and not listening. I love to talk and have worked hard at listening…I am getting better but note that there is lots of room for improvement 🙂
For those of us who love to talk, it can be a challenge to stop and listen…: D Thanks so much for your comment, Anita!
Have to admit I was grinning from ear to ear as I read ‘assumptions’. It crops up all the time in my marriage! I’m either assuming my husband knows exactly what I mean/want or I’m pointing out that he expects me to be telepathic as to what he means/wants!
Great post Sherie, I enjoyed it!
Carolyn, love your insights! Thanks!
Great tips for good relationship-ing Sherie! Good communication is definitively the foundation for a healthy happy relationship – I know because I am in one! It’s so true what you say about assuming – dangerous ground there ;).
It is dangerous ground…lol…Thanks, Moira!