We’ve all been there…at a time in our lives where we believed that anything was possible…especially a healthy relationship. Then reality stepped in, we had a number of firsts…first boyfriend/girlfriend…first break up…first marriage…and for some of us, first divorce. Along the way, the gleam wore off and we started to see things differently and then…this stepped in…
Many people develop a fear of failing…they look back and see all of those times when they “failed” at creating a healthy relationship and they began to accept that bad relationships or relationships that were “less than” were normal for them…and it doesn’t need to be that way, does it?
What does Failing at Healthy Relationship Building Mean to You?
For a lot of people, they look at other people’s relationships and think “Why can’t I have that” and “I am a failure”. I am here to tell you that if you believe that having had a bad relationship equals you being a failure, you are wrong.
“There is no failure. Only feedback. “ Robert Allen
That’s right…look at this from a different perspective. What if you believed that there was no failure? What if you believed that you only got feedback…that the meaning of a bad relationship or the meaning of a relationship that ended was just “What did I learn from this experience?”. It might change a lot of things…how you view yourself.
Being labeled a failure is rampant in our society. It starts when we are young, by well meaning parents who want to protect us from “failing” and from teachers who give us a “failing” grade. They meant well. The intention was to protect and for some people, that is how it worked for them. For others, it left a lifetime stigma where, they learned that it wasn’t the behavior that was wrong of had failed, that is was them.
YOU are Not a Failure
- Your belief system might not work for you.
- Your behaviors might not work for you.
- You might bite off more than you can chew.
- You might experience a life that does not live up to want you want.
- You might have habits that are less than ideal.
However, YOU are NOT a failure. You are a wonderful human being who has found many ways that don’t work…just like Mr. Thomas Edison who found 10,000 ways of how not to create a light bulb.
If you haven’t achieved the level of success in building a relationship with another or financial success in your chosen field, you haven’t failed. You are still learning…and we all are…still learning…while we are here…
When you take fear of failure out of the equation of building a healthy relationship, you can step out into that future with more confidence…then it becomes easier to have what you want…because the fear will no longer hold you back. You can take those steps that you need to, in order to have that healthy relationship that you deserve to have.
So…how would your life look different…if you believed, really believed that there was no failure…that it was just information that you received…that the question was now “How is that working for you?”…what would that do?
Would that free you to do more…to look at things from a different perspective and maybe…try something new…and see where that leads you…it would allow you to begin the process of creating that healthy relationship that you do want…and let go…of all those behaviors in the past that you labelled “failure” that really weren’t…they were just another way that didn’t work…so see what will work…it can be that easy.
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
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