Relationship mistakes.
Both men and women make them.
Smart men and smart women. They don’t set out to make relationship mistakes…and yet they do.
It’s easy to see the relationship mistakes that other people make.
Have you ever been watching a movie…and you could see just where the character was going…and that they were making a big mistake in their relationship.
Didn’t you want to yell at them as you saw them on the screen making those mistakes…“Don’t do that!”?? I know that I do…sometimes…; D
And in real life, we can see it in other people’s relationships…just like watching a movie…you can see it unfold. It’s as clear as day. You want to warn them. You can see that they are walking off a relationship cliff.
Yet, when it comes to seeing our own relationship mistakes…that is a different story.
These Relationship Mistakes:
Epic Relationship Mistake #1: Being Taken For Granted
We all need to feel valued. We all need to feel important. Each of us need to feel significant…especially that the people we are in relationship with feel that we are important.
If you feel that you are being taken for granted…or you are taking your relationship partner for granted…think about what your life would be without that partner…imagine what you would feel like if they were gone…
We only have the guarantee of now. Life is short. Let the people in your life know that you love them and appreciate them. If you don’t know the warning signs of being taken for granted, click here.
Epic Relationship Mistake #2: Breaking Trust
This is a big one, isn’t it…because without trust, there really is no love. Keep your word in your relationships. Be faithful to yourself and to your relationship.
What if the trust issues you have aren’t that you’ve broken trust…what if they are that you’ve put your trust in the wrong person?
Because that happens…trusting someone that you don’t know…really know…putting your faith in their words and not their actions. So…make sure that the person you are putting trust in, is worthy of it.
Epic Relationship Mistake #3: Putting Your Life On Hold
Have you ever heard a story like this? Let’s imagine this relationship between Lisa and Barry. Lisa decided when she was a young bride to put her career on hold, work two jobs, and put her husband Barry through law school.
She worked hard and so did Barry. They took the time to raise two children during the time frame. Lisa was very proud of Barry after he finally finished school. Lisa then thought that the time was right for her to return to school.
She approached Barry and suggested that now that he was working, it would be wonderful if she could get back on the career track that she left, early in their marriage.
Imagine her surprise, when Barry said no…that he wouldn’t support her the way she supported him…don’t put your own life on hold…make sure that you are fulfilling your own hopes and dreams…
Epic Relationship Mistake #4: Falling in Love with A Person’s Potential
What you see is what you get. No matter how much “potential” a person has, if you don’t love them for who they are right now…in this moment…if you think they will be “better” or “improve” down the line…you have unrealistic expectations.
Love them for who they are, not for who you think they will be. You deserve that too…to be loved for who you are…now…
Epic Relationship Mistake #5: Keeping Secrets
In a relationship, there must be honesty, transparency, and no secrets. If you find yourself doing that…keeping secrets…you must ask yourself “Why?”
If you keep secrets because you don’t feel safe to share what you are thinking…or you don’t feel physically safe…that is a problem…isn’t it?
Learning From Those Relationship Mistakes
And remember this: The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing. – John Powell
We all make mistakes…and we can learn from those relationship mistakes. When we can recognize them, we don’t need to repeat them…or carry them into the future with us…we can leave those mistakes in the past…where they belong…and move forward into a brighter…more brilliant future.
Ultimately, you are the one in control of your life…and how you feel…and what you do in your relationship does make a difference…doesn’t it?
“Drive your own life, you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
Sherie
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{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
i have made a lot of mistakes in my relationships but I really try to learn all I can from them! Thanks for reminding me of what it is I need to remember about mistakes!
elizabeth maness recently posted..How to Upload Your Pinterest Verification Code to your Website (Using Go Daddy)
You’re very welcome, Elizabeth. Sometimes, we learn more from our mistakes…don’t we? ;D
Number three is hitting home for me right now…amazing what we will do at the expense of ourselves for family and friends.
Anita recently posted..Self Motivation and Fulfilling Your Aspirations
It is…and often we don’t realize it. Thanks so much, Anita, for your comment!
I’ve made all of these mistakes at one time or another. Especially the one about falling in love with someone’s potential. Lesson learned. Thanks Sherie!
Helena Bowers recently posted..Tips For Tweets: How To Write Tweets That Get Re-tweeted
The important thing is that it is a “lesson learned”…bravo! And thank you, Helena!
Sherie, you have pointed out some excellent advice. I wish I would have had that insight 52 years ago. Yes, we will celebrate our 52nd anniversary in July. We have made it and are more important to one another than ever now. I cannot imagine being married to anyone else but there has been many ups and downs along the way that could have made the journey even more precious and fulfilling had we both had the insights you pointed out. I pray that those starting out in relationships will apply the things you have said to their relationships.
Pat Moon recently posted..World’s Best Food Supplement for Chronic Fatigue… Tre-en-en
Pat, that is an awesome achievement…52 years, congratulations!! Thank you, my dear, for your kind words…I hope that information like this will help to smooth out the bumps along the road for those starting out and those continuing…: D
Very interesting article…had never thought about falling in love with someones potential but I can sure see how easily we can do so…I have seen many women though put their life on hold and I have never seen that succeed in the long term…
Carl Mason-Liebenberg recently posted..What Do I Eat to Build Muscle and Lose Weight?
Unfortunately, Carl, a lot of people do just that. They “see” what a partner could become instead of who they are…right now…in this moment. And yes, it never succeeds to put your life on hold…thanks so much for your comment!
I concur with all of the above — excellent article that really got me to thinking – #4 is one that’s easy to give into… but being intentional can make a world of difference when you realize how short life really is. Thanks for the reminder!
You’re very right, Sue…being intentional can make a world of difference…so glad that it resonated for you. <3
Great post, Sherie – I was especially struck by #2 and #4. They’re all excellent and so, so important to keep in mind. Thank you!
Lisa Frederiksen – BreakingTheCycles.com recently posted..Children of Alcoholics – National Celebration
Lisa, thank you! <3
I have been very intentional in my marriage about not taking my husband for granted. It’s something I work at because it enriches our commitment in ways I can’t explain. It’s important to give those extra kudos here and there! Great blog Sherie!
Kim Hawkins recently posted..I’ve Got Sunshine, How About You?
Kim, that is why you have such a beautiful relationship! Thank you, my dear, for your kind words! <3
This is great advice, Sherie. It needs to be shared with every young person just entering the dating game. We would have a lot more strong relationships and a lot less heartache if everyone could follow these.
Marie Leslie recently posted..How to Choose Colors to Boost your Business Success–Infographic
I think we would, Marie, and I am so glad that you agree! Thank you for commenting! : D
Great post here Sherie! So many of us learn these mistakes the hard way. This post should be mandatory reading for all the twenty somethings just starting out with their relationships. Thank you!
Cathy Taughinbaugh recently posted..Back on My Feet: How Running Can Change Your Life
Cathy, thank you!! Finding out those mistakes the hard way is so painful…I so appreciate your comment!
Ohhhhhhhhhhh…excellent advice and pointers. I’ve done all of them at one time and believe me, the results were epic in the blecky sense! Keep on sharing your advice and let’s create a much healthier world.
Hee hee….I hear you, MamaRed! Thank you, I will keep sharing! : D
Taking for granted is one of the major flaws that can totally ruin the relationship. Although its effects may not be immediately witnessed, it will show its true face as time passes by. Both the persons have a life of their own and none of them should be taken for granted for a relationship!
Thanks for the heads up
Jane recently posted..Long Distance Relationship: 5 Tips To Make It Happy And Healthy
It so totally is a major flaw. Jane…thanks so much for your comment and insights! : D
Oh Wow! Sherie this is excellent! #4 is epic for sure…I think especially for women…you know we CAN fix everything and make things better! Ha! Must love NOW!!
denny hagel recently posted..Parents Want to Know ‘Am I doing the right thing?’
Totally, Denny! ; D There is only NOW!
Oh dear…#4 hit me hard. It is something I have done over and over again…see the potential and hope/wait for my partner to “make it.” Haha. That’s just another form of wanting my partner to change and, since I tried it over and over again, I choose to no longer play that losing game!
Meryl Hershey Beck recently posted..Self-Support – The ASPIC Way
Meryl, it is a losing game! What a wonderful choice to make!
Sherie, I loved your advice for #3 to make sure that you are fulfilling your own hopes and dreams…
Gorana recently posted..How to Find a Niche: A Super Simple Idea to Help You Identify Your Ideal Client
That is so important! I appreciate your comment, Gorana, thanks for dropping by and reading the post!
Oh Lord… I’m not where I want to be but thank God I’m not where I used to be! Tee-hee…. Great post Sherie!
Norma, you are too funny, my dear! LOL Thanks so much for your comment! : D
Oh I’ve fallen in love with someone’s potential many times lol. No more fixer uppers for me. The next guy is going to have his life together.
Catherine Doucette recently posted..Keep Writing. Yes, I Mean You!
Right on, Catherine!!
I’ve made all of them! But I have learned as you said and that’s the most important thing.
That’s right, Aimee…learning is the most important thing! : D
I love your posts Sherie! Thanks for putting together such a comprehensive list of what to avoid in order to have a healthy and happy relationship… in some ways, a number of these points you bring up are related to ensuring that you have a great relationship FIRST before you get into creating a relationship with another person.
Moira Hutchison recently posted..Conscious Creation – Create Your Own Brilliant Reality
The most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves, absolutely! Thank you, Moira!
Well…after more than a few years of doing all of these at one time or another I am happy to say that my husband and I are a good match. We have mutual values, are good friends, have good friends outside the marriage, and pretty similar interests. It feels good to finally get it right.
I hear you, Lorrie! That’s how I feel about my husband, as well! : D
What great insight! This is actually quite timely for me in my personal relationships…thanks!!!
I am glad to have helped! : D
I loved this post, Sherie. Number 4 hit home for me. “What you see is what you get” is true. It’s easy to let that giddiness of love and infatuation blind you of the truth about your mate. No amount of fixing or romanticizing that person will make them different. Thanks, Sherie for bringing this epic relationship mistakes to light!
Lisa Birnesser recently posted..Stop Multitasking and Start Prioritizing
Awww…thanks, Lisa! I so appreciate you commenting. : D Love your insights!
I agree with Rob that relationship advice like this should be taught at schools. It would make such a huge difference and balance out the media portrayal of relationships that appear effortlessly perfect!
This was a great reminder to me about not putting my life on hold. Not any longer that is. It’s my turn now! And I’m being realistic about what to expect from my husband.
Carolyn Hughes recently posted..No regrets.
Carolyn, yes, it would make a big difference! I appreciate your insight about the media portrayal of relationships, it is so unrealistic, isn’t it? And that portrayal of how relationships “should” be is shown to us at even a very early age,through cartoons and reinforced as we get older, through movies… It is your turn, go for it!! : D Thank you, my dear, for reading the post and for commenting.
Wow! You’ve uncovered the nastiest mistakes that can be made. I’ve seen all of these (done some too) and stuff like this should be taught in school along with reading and writing.
It’s a pity that it isn’t.
It’s our luck that we have you to get the word out.
Awesome post. Thank you.
Awww…Rob, can you imagine how different lives would turn out if this was taught in school? I so appreciate your very kind words. : D