What would happen if you could notice those red flags…those warning signs?
Imagine if you would…driving in a car. You are sitting there, hands on the wheel and you are approaching an intersection. At the intersection, there is a traffic light. Now…I don’t know about you…but when I see a red light, I stop. It’s a really good idea, don’t you think?
These Relationship Red Flags
Red flags in a relationship are warnings. You need to pay attention to them because if you don’t, they lead to bigger and bigger problems. If you are seeing any of these behaviors in your relationship, you need to pay attention.
- Putting you down verbally, such as saying “You’re nothing without me” or “I can do so much better than you.” Really?
- Not sharing their life with you. That doesn’t mean TMI (too much information). But if you get laid off from your work (or something else), share that news with your partner. Don’t wait. If you don’t feel confident enough in your relationship to share those types of events, what does that say?
- Missing chunks of time or always being late coming from work or going out with friends. That is coupled with being quick with excuses such as “I’m too busy to spend time with you”. Now, be careful with this one. You don’t need to be overly attached but you do need to spend time together.
- Anger. Yes, we can get angry and I would never say that no one should ever get angry. But if someone is getting angry because they don’t like the way you dress, the way you look, the way you take care of a household chore…that’s a problem.
- Addictions….now, that’s a big, big red flag. If you are in a relationship with a person who is fighting addiction, you must take care of yourself. Make yourself a priority and don’t get caught up in a caretaker role where you feel that you must take care of the other. Get help…although I do know people who have overcome their addictions by just making a decision…that is the exception rather than the rule. Support networks are critical with this issue.
What Can You Do About those Relationship Flags?
If you skipped down to here, then you already know what those red flags are…and there are more than I listed here…aren’t there? Feel free to share any other behaviors that raise that warning sign in your mind and heart in the comment section.
Ask yourself these questions:
- “Is this relationship a priority for both of you?”
- “Is this relationship healthy for me?”
- “Does this relationship enrich my life or take away from my experience of my life?”
- “What do I really, really want?”
- “Why don’t I have what I want?”
- “Is there anything really standing in my way?”
I made a decision a while back to eat more protein. I decided to have more cottage cheese (which I love!). My fridge kept freezing it though…on the top shelf…and so, when I went to get that cottage cheese, more often than not…it was frozen. Gross!
So…one day…I decided that I was fed up with that. I needed a new plan. So…I dumped the vegetables out of one of my crispers. I put my three tubs of cottage cheese in there (it’s cheaper to buy it in bulk at Costco, lol!). And I freed up a space on the side of the fridge in one of the fridge shelves.
Now, when I want the cottage cheese, I go into the side bin and it’s not frozen. It’s exactly the way I want it.
Having a relationship that works is often like that…you see what you don’t want…and then…when you decide what you want…you come up with a plan that works.
Because if you are seeing red flags in your relationship, it’s a sign that something isn’t working…and you deserve to have a relationship that works don’t you?
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
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