If you’ve 
ever felt like you kept falling for the same bad relationship…almost like you were a magnet that attracted them…then keep reading.
I’ve heard this question a lot lately…from both men and women who felt like that. I used to feel like that. It was like I was creating the same kind of relationship…over and over again…you know what I mean?
Are You Really Attracting Bad Relationships Like a Magnet?
Have you heard that we attract what we think about? Well, in a way that is true…because we think about what we believe in…and so our thoughts show us what we believe.
If you believe that you don’t deserve a good relationship, the odds of creating one are low. If you believe that you do deserve a good relationship, the odds of creating a good one are much higher.
Why? Because what we believe determines our behavior. Our behavior determines the results that we get.
“When a person goes into a relationship emotionally needy, they are not going to have discernment in choosing people.” Jennifer O’Neill
Simply, it’s like this. Let’s imagine that there is someone named Maria. Maria had a negative event in her life that led her to believe that she was “less than”…not “good enough”…that “men can’t be trusted”…
This is her view of the world. It’s not right or wrong…it just is…and it’s not working for her…
Maria is uncomfortable being alone…she goes from one bad relationship to another…attracting emotionally unavailable men, financially unstable men who “borrow” money from her and never return it, men who are abusive…one way or another.
As soon as she gets out of one relationship, she is on the hunt for another…she thinks that she will get it right the next time…even though she doesn’t make those important changes that she needs to…she thinks it’s just bad luck…that she hasn’t found the “right one”, yet…
Maria goes to a party where she is introduced to two men. One is a charmer; he knows all the right things to say and makes her smile, immediately. All the bells and whistles are going off. Maria feels an immediate attraction and he’s exciting.
The other guy…well, he’s a bit more shy, a hard worker, smart, and there are no bells ringing when she meets him. He is pleasant and when he asks Maria for her phone number at the end of the evening, she politely declines. He isn’t her type. He isn’t exciting at all.
Maria embarks on a relationship with the charmer…and he lets her down…just like all the others did…
If You Hear Bells, Run…and do this…instead…
- Be okay with being alone and being with yourself. When you let go of that emotional neediness, then you will choose a better relationship, when the time is right.
- Your type is not your type. If you find yourself consistently creating relationships with someone that you immediately want to jump into bed with, run.
- Change the criteria you are using for choosing a relationship and you change the type of relationship you are creating. Look at your values…what’s important to you?
- Look at the patterns in your past relationships. What is common among them? Are you choosing based on physical looks, attraction, and income level? Be real about how you made those choices…
- Have you waited to know who the person really is before allowing yourself to fall in love or be physically committed to them? It might not sound romantic…but remember this…you are choosing who you are in a relationship with…making sure that THEY deserve YOUR love…
When you change that perspective…and when you start thinking about whether a prospective relationship partner is worthy or your time…and attention…instead of worrying if you are good enough for them…then it is so much easier to create a good relationship.
So…let go of being a magnet for bad relationships…relationships filled with drama, chaos, any kind of abuse (emotional, physical, financial)…they’re not fun…
Change those underlying beliefs and step into a happier future…where you look at your world through different eyes…where you expect respect in your relationships…and then…it is there…because you make that choice…isn’t that right?
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
Sherie
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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s amazing how powerful a change in perspective and mindset can have upon our relationships. Powerful Sherie!
Edmund, thank you! Yes…perspective is everything, isn’t it? : D
I work with a woman who is exactly like this. She keeps ending up in these relationships, one after the other. She has a daughter who was sexually abused by her husband (father of child) about 7 years ago when she was around age 6. I can only imagine how she felt when she found out. Obviously she’s divorced but has found this unfortunate pattern. I really like her and would like to get to know her but she was too quick to move on to yet another before I let her know how I felt. I’m not perfect (level headed I think) but I sense she is a wonderful woman and I really care about her and she gave quite a few indications that she was interested in me.
It is an unfortunate pattern…and until a person can see that they are creating that pattern, they will tend to repeat it. Even if she is a wonderful woman, there isn’t much you can do…she needs to see that there is a pattern, that there is something not quite right. There is an old expression “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”.
An inspirational article you have here Sherie. We could not really make any good choices if we are emotionally needy. It makes it worse if we jump from one relationship to another and repeating the same pattern all over again. It’s very unhealthy and no fun at all. I love all you tips. It may take some time to find the relationship we deserve but changing our perspective will be worth the wait.
Lorii, love your insights here in the comment. Jumping from one relationship to another without knowing why we created a bad relationship in the first place is just a recipe for repetition. Thanks so much for your comment!
In the past I had a tendency to be just like Maria in your example. But no more. I’ve been on my own for years now, and am learning to like me just fine. When the time comes for a new relationship I will be much more picky and do it right this time!
Helena Bowers recently posted..Creating Content With a Purpose
Way to go, Helena!
I agree being comfortable on your own is important. Great tips… thanks for sharing.
Thank you for reading, Vicky and for commenting! I appreciate you!
In Brazil, we say “Melhor so que mal acompanhada” … “it’s better to be alone than poorly accompanied.” It sure raises the bar and helps keep us away from repetitive behaviors! Great article, Sherie!
Sharon O’Day recently posted..Financial Independence: A Quick and Dirty Path to Freedom
What a great saying, Sharon! Yes, I can see how it would raise the bar! Thank you for your kind words and for commenting, : D.
Sherie, I so much agree with you. Needy people believe they are not enough and that they need another to complete them. Once we discover we are our own beloved, it won’t matter if we have another beloved in our life or not!
Meryl Hershey Beck recently posted..AWARENESS – the ASPIC Way!
Absolutely, Meryl…and then so many more things begin to “work out”, don’t they? Life begins to be easier on so many different levels…thanks so much for commenting!
Some great advice here as usual Sherie! I think your point about being comfortable on your own is so important. It took me a long time to realise that it was that fear of being on my own that kept me in a relationship that was damaging.
Carolyn Hughes recently posted..A passionate heart.
Thank you, Carolyn…yes, once we are comfortable with being on our own, we don’t tolerate garbage behavior anymore!
I love love this article.. I think the number 1 reason people get into bad relationships is the hurry and not wanting to be alone. I think they do see it.. they just ignore it!
elizabeth maness recently posted..Doing this 1 thing can increase your website traffic 55%!
Love that view point, Elizabeth!
Sherie this is true for everything we do: “Because what we believe determines our behavior. Our behavior determines the results that we get.” Great point … and it’s especially true in relationships.
Pamela Gail Johnson recently posted..Hunt for Happiness Week: January 20 – 26, 2013
It is…thanks so much for your comment, Pamela Gail!
Great post Sherie. I especially liked your comment that ‘what we believe determines our behavior. Our behavior determines the results that we get.’ Thought are things. Garbage in, garbage out. Thanks for another insightful post.
Dawn Lanier recently posted..8 Great Reasons Why your Solo Small Business Needs a Coach
Dawn, so appreciate your comment, and yes…garbage in, garbage out!
So so true, Sherie! We are magnets and we attract exactly what we want to prove to be true to us. It is so important to be able to get this truth and then bit by bit work on beliefs and make them helpful. With awareness this is possible, yet we don’t even notice how we are creating the same pattern of relationships and so the awareness becomes the first step. Thank you for such a wonderful post my friend!x
Solvita recently posted..Get Your Power Back in 7 Days and Have Inner Peace
: D Solvita, thanks so much for dropping by and reading the post. Love your comment, right on!
This is so true, even if one doesn’t subscribe to the power of attraction if you don’t feel you deserve the best you are apt to settle for less. Great article!
denny hagel recently posted..3 Main Components to Law of Attraction Parenting
Absolutely, Denny, we create what we think about, don’t we? Thanks so much!
Very good post Sherie! All things stated are so true. When we look at what’s not working, and the words we speak, it makes sense to change it up. By words we speak I mean saying..’I always attract the same things..’ would be a clear indication.
Love all your posts!
Suzanne Jones recently posted..How To Detect Stress Before It Kills You
Our words have such power…thank you, Suzanne, I love your posts, too!
Great tips and advice for loving yourself and creating healthy relationships!
Terresa, thank you!
Great tips for healthy relationships of any sort!
Carl Mason-Liebenberg recently posted..Stop Giving Up Before You Reach Your Goals
I appreciate that, Carl, thank you!
This is an excellent article, Sherie. Believe it or not, when I finally followed just about all of the suggestions you outlined under, “do this instead…,” (especially the being comfortable being alone – did it for several years to really get solid with that one), it worked!
Lisa, isn’t that cool?? It works SO well! Thanks so much for your comment, dear!
Excellent post with some lovely insights Sherie! I agree that if a person is finding themselves being a magnet for dysfunctional relationships or a pattern which does not serve them – it’s an indication to STOP and heal the relationship with themselves. Once we have a solid healthy, loving relationship with our own selves – *then* we can find a relationship that is good and highly-functioning!
Moira Hutchison recently posted..Good Intentions for Success in 2013
Moira, thank you so much. I love when you drop by the blog and comment because you have such valuable insights…that healthy solid relationship with ourself is key…
What great insight! In early through mid 2012 I had low energy, was allowing day to day stress get to me and I opened myself up for a lot of people with a lot of drama to come into my life. In early Fall when my father was diagnosed with cancer, all that changed. So, I actually didn’t read this from a “relationship” with another view..BUT a renewed relationship with Anita. I am taking better care to take care
Anita recently posted..Increase Productivity Today – No More Excuses
Anita, you have certainly been through a lot this year…big hugs…the relationship that we have with ourselves is the most important one of all…isn’t it? : D
It is all about saying yes to what we want and walking away from what we don’t
It is, Catherine…thanks for your insights!
I love this post, Sherie. Being by yourself can be a good thing, and I believe it’s an important step to being in a relationship. You can remove yourself from the chaos long enough to see you are worth so much more than being abused or mistreated in some way. Thanks so much!
Lisa Birnesser recently posted..How Procrastination Blocks Your Happiness
Absolutely, Lisa…and when a person is comfortable with being by themselves,then they can create those relationships that they really want…without the tears, the drama and the chaos. I appreciate your comment, dear, and thank you!