If you’ve ever done this, then that’s what desperation looks like.
- Texting all the time
- Wanting to hear the other person’s voice, phoning
- Wanting to be in constant contact
- Obsessive thoughts
- Wondering what the other person is doing all the time
- Being available and dropping your plans on a moment’s notice
- Not having your own opinions or boundaries
When you feel like you don’t have worth…or when you think that you don’t count…it’s really easy to have behaviors that look desperate and needy. It’s a miserable way to feel. That always wanting something that you don’t think you can really have.
Unfortunately, when you feel that way, your behaviors generate more of feeling that desperation. There are two ways to fix this. You can change the behaviors and when you change the behaviors, you change the feelings that you have.
Or you can change the feelings…understand that you have worth…and then the way that you are acting changes too. You become confident and more sure of yourself.
The best solution is to do both. Changing the way that you behave and changing the feelings is a magic combination.
10 Ways to Stop Being Needy and Desperate in Relationships
These are powerful ways. Some are behavioral changes, others are changing the way you feel.
- Limit texting! Texting can be a double edged sword. The problem with it is that you are always waiting for the next “hit”. It’s intermittent reinforcement so it is addictive…you know you have friends who are texting all the time and looking at their phone waiting for the next text. The old equivalent to that used to be checking your telephone answering machine to see if he/she called.
- Don’t talk on the phone everyday and limit your talk time! 15 minutes is a good start!
- Exercise to take care of yourself to build endorphins in your brain….so that you feel good…
- Stop obsessing. Stop those thoughts like “I wonder what they are doing right now. Are they thinking about me?” Wear an elastic band around your wrist and snap it when you have those thoughts.
- Maintain your relationships with your family and friends.Please!!
- Stop self medicating with food, drugs, sex, alcohol, money.
- Be responsible for your own happiness because really, no matter what your circumstances, you ARE the only one truly responsible.
- Keep your commitments to yourself. Don’t drop everything and run when the other calls. You have a life (and if you don’t feel that you have one, create one, now…don’t wait for prince/princess charming to do that…you deserve to have that life…NOW).
- Trust yourself more than the other person.If that isn’t true for you, now, then honor the promises you have made to yourself and that trust will build.
- Stop thinking you’re a victim or less than. You’re more powerful than you think you are. Absolutely.
You’re not afraid of love. You’re just afraid of not being loved back. Unknown
It boils down to this. Be confident (not fake confident but the kind that comes from within, when you know that you are worthy). Don’t put the other person on a pedestal (there is no prince/princess charming). Have a life of your own! Trust yourself more than you trust the other person. Take responsibility for your own life.
When you take complete and utter responsibility for your life, you become so much less needy…because you don’t expect anyone else to be responsible for your happiness…and when that happens…you realize that even though it is lovely to have those romantic relationships…you don’t NEED them…and that is where all the difference in the world is.
Then, you can take your time and evaluate the people who come into your life. You won’t feel so desperate that you take the first person who comes along to have a relationship with. You will expect to be treated fairly and well…and you will be happier. Really.
“Drive your own life…you deserve to , don’t you?” Sherie Venner
P.S. This post was a special request from one of my loyal readers on Twitter (you know who you are! Big hugs!).
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