listening in your relationship?
Or are you both trying to prove a point…or be right…first?
Everybody needs to be heard…and we all need someone to listen to us…don’t we?
When people are first in relationship with each other…whether it is a romantic partnership…or another type of relationship…they hang on to every word that’s spoken.
They listen intently.
They listen for hints…for clues…for messages…
Yet, with time…listening begins to slow down…and for some…it stops altogether…like a clock that needs to be wound up…
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone…and you could almost feel that they were just nodding their head and waiting for an opportunity…an opening…a space to just jump in with their opinion?
Have you ever felt that you were talking to a brick wall? That no matter what you said…or how upset you were…that there was no reaction?
There are many ways to not listen…
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway
We have the illusion of listening…because we are so busy with our own thoughts…that race through our minds…that we aren’t completely focused on what the other is saying…
How to Listen More Effectively
- Be still and quiet your own mind. Tell those thought to settle down…and really focus on those words that are being spoken…watch the body language…the expressions on their face…
- Don’t interrupt (unless there is a very good reason to…)
- Hear without judging or making any assumptions about what is being said…just listen…
- Clarify what you’ve heard. Ask questions…and see if what you’ve heard and understand is what they intended for you to hear…
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Yes, listen…because listening is a form of respect. It is acknowledging that the other is important…and they must be…if you are continuing to be in relationship with them.
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” Bryant H. McGill
It sounds simple…listen…and be listening…yet, it isn’t as simple as it seems. How often do we ignore listening to ourselves and that still, small voice that we have inside…our intuition…our gut feelings?
So, listen…without judgement. Reflect back what you’ve heard…be clear…and then go from there…
We all need to feel that we are important…because we are…and when we are genuinely listened to…and we listen…then that happens…
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
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