So many people are creating businesses…and when they do…they start off with great dreams.

Those dreams can come to a screeching halt, though, if the people in our lives don’t support those dreams.

Surprisingly (or maybe not), often it is the people closest to us who are the ones who are negative, who create drama…and just plain undermine those business plans.

I had the opportunity to speak with Lisa Birnesser about this subject. I hope you give it a listen!

Here are some of the topics that we covered and questions that Lisa asked:

1. As a relationship coach, are you seeing and increased strain in relationships due to a growing number of entrepreneurs?
2. As business owners, we are constantly working at self- improvement by reading or listening to thought leaders. Have you seen incidences where one person outgrows the other?
3. What are some of the warning signs your mate might be sabotaging your business success?
4. You wrote an article on “crab in the bucket” syndrome. Can you explain a little bit more about what that is?
5. What can you do when your mate doesn’t support your dreams?
6. In a relationship there are always two sides. What are some of the choices the entrepreneur might make that contribute to relationship problems?
7. What are some strategies to deal with these types of relationship issues?

And very much more….we packed a lot of information into a half hour…

The post How Your Relationship Might Be Sabotaging Your Business Success appeared first on Sherie Venner | NLP Coach | NLP | Relationship Coach | Relationship Tips.

Is anybody
listening in your relationship?

Or are you both trying to prove a point…or be right…first?

Everybody needs to be heard…and we all need someone to listen to us…don’t we?

When people are first in relationship with each other…whether it is a romantic partnership…or another type of relationship…they hang on to every word that’s spoken.

They listen intently.

They listen for hints…for clues…for messages…

Yet, with time…listening begins to slow down…and for some…it stops altogether…like a clock that needs to be wound up…

Listening Problems

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”  Stephen R. Covey

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone…and you could almost feel that they were just nodding their head and waiting for an opportunity…an opening…a space to just jump in with their opinion?

Have you ever felt that you were talking to a brick wall? That no matter what you said…or how upset you were…that there was no reaction?

There are many ways to not listen…

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”  Ernest Hemingway

We have the illusion of listening…because we are so busy with our own thoughts…that race through our minds…that we aren’t completely focused on what the other is saying…

How to Listen More Effectively

• Be still and quiet your own mind. Tell those thought to settle down…and really focus on those words that are being spoken…watch the body language…the expressions on their face…
• Don’t interrupt (unless there is a very good reason to…)
• Hear without judging or making any assumptions about what is being said…just listen…
• Clarify what you’ve heard. Ask questions…and see if what you’ve heard and understand is what they intended for you to hear…

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia

Yes, listen…because listening is a form of respect. It is acknowledging that the other is important…and they must be…if you are continuing to be in relationship with them.

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” Bryant H. McGill

It sounds simple…listen…and be listening…yet, it isn’t as simple as it seems. How often do we ignore listening to ourselves and that still, small voice that we have inside…our intuition…our gut feelings?

So, listen…without judgement. Reflect back what you’ve heard…be clear…and then go from there…

We all need to feel that we are important…because we are…and when we are genuinely listened to…and we listen…then that happens…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

The post Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening? appeared first on Sherie Venner | NLP Coach | NLP | Relationship Coach | Relationship Tips.

You can think that you have control of your life.

Then in a moment…it can all change.

You can plan.

You can schedule.

You can mind map.

You can visualize.

But there can be a moment…or a week…when you don’t feel like you have control of your life at all.

You can get sick.

You can break a tooth.

You can have a car accident.

You can fall down the stairs of your home.

And then…all of that scheduling and planning can go out the window…because in those moments…you don’t have ultimate control…and that is the difference.

In the big picture, we do control our lives…but those details…the smallest things…can get in the way…and even though we feel like we don’t have control of our life in that moment…we still do, don’t we? Because we are always at choice…

What Does Being in Control of Your Life Really Mean?

Does it mean that your life is rigid and that everything happens at a certain time, in a certain way, with certain people? For some people that is what it does mean…and that leads to a crisis when life goes the way that it does…

Because even if we want things to go a certain way, we can’t force them to do that. People have free will…and life happens…

Or does it mean that when we have flexibility of behaviors…when we can make decisions quickly…that even in times of crisis and uncertainty…that you do have control of your life?

It’s All About Flexibility of Behavior and Decisions

What we are in control of is our reaction to those life events. We can be prepared…and it is a great idea to be prepared…but you can’t be prepared for every eventuality. That can be paralyzing.

Yes, have an emergency fund. Yes, have a backup plan. Yes, make plans and have goals. Those are all essential to living a fulfilling life. You need to have a map in order to know where you are going, don’t you?

What happens when you are blindsided, though…and that event happens that you weren’t prepared for? Perhaps your partner has come home and announced that they no longer want to be married to or in a relationship with you…and you didn’t see it coming…

What then?

These Being in Control of Your Life Quotes

“Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now.” Denis Waitley

We do only have now…it’s the only moment that we have the guarantee of. See that bright and brilliant future…and live in the present…and know that by doing that…even if you have to readjust your path…you can have that future…

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” Brian Tracy

Attitude is everything. Change is constant…whether we want it to be or not…and how flexible we are in reacting to it, depends on our attitude.

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.” Amelia Earhart

Make that decision. When we don’t make decisions, we are stuck…and it is one of the main causes of procrastination…a lack of making a decision to move forward.

“I believe that you control your destiny, that you can be what you want to be. You can also stop and say, ‘No, I won’t do it, I won’t behave his way anymore. I’m lonely and I need people around me, maybe I have to change my methods of behaving,’ and then you do it.” Leo Buscaglia

You do have a choice…and because you have a choice…ultimately, in the big scheme of things…you do have control of your life…even if you didn’t know it…so…no matter what happens…or did happen…if you can accept that responsibility…then, no matter what happens…you can feel that you do have control of your life…because you do…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

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Relationship anxiety can be a pain.

Do either you or your partner have relationship anxiety?

Or have you had to deal with relationship anxiety in a past relationship?

It takes a toll.

Relationships don’t thrive in the grips of relationship anxiety. They flounder. They sink. They die.

Relationship anxiety can be a bitch.

Why Does Relationship Anxiety Happen?

There are many reasons. Here are the top 3:

Reason #1

Your unconscious mind is trying to tell you that something is not “right” with the relationship. These could be some of the things that aren’t right…there could be more…

• Differing values. If your idea of a good time is sitting at home watching the latest episode of Downton Abbey or the newest Star Trek movie…and your partner would rather be propping up the bar at the local watering hole…you have differing values. Often, that can be moderated with compromise…but what if it can’t?
• Bad communication. No, we aren’t all born knowing how to be great communicators…but if you work at it…you can get better at it.
• Different goals. You see yourself going in different directions. Values factor in here, as well. While everyone needs to have individual goals, couples need to have goals in common…
• Bad behavior. Are you putting up with bad behavior? Is your partner threatening to leave you? Is there no respect? Do you feel like you are being taken for granted? Is there any threat to your financial, physical or emotional safety?

Reason #2

Your unconscious mind is trying to tell you that you have a “limiting belief” about what you deserve, what you can have…or even worse…a limiting belief about who you “are”.

When you fill in this blank, what comes up for you?

I am ___________________________________

That is very telling…and can be the major cause of most relationship anxiety…if what comes up for you is something like this….I am a LOSER….or I am UNLOVEABLE…or something like that…how do you think you wouldn’t have relationship anxiety?

Reason #3

You have developed a habit or compulsion to worry. You play the same movie in your mind, over and over again…of all the things that could go wrong…you tell yourself, of course, that they will….

What Can You Do to Get Rid of Relationship Anxiety?

Talk to your partner. Open up a conversation and ask questions and clarify these:

• Values
• Hopes
• Dreams
• Goals

Are they the same? Are they different? Why? Why not?

If you have a limiting belief about relationships, men/women, or about yourself….

1. Acknowledge it
2. Learn from it
3. Let it go

How do you let it go? Some people can do this, easily, on their own. Others need help. There are many modalities that work well. I prefer NLP, timeline, and hypnosis…but there are other modalities…like EFT and finding a spiritual counsellor.

What would you feel comfortable pursuing?

If you are a chronic worrier…who plays negative movies in your mind…complete with a thundering soundtrack…stop that.

An NLP exercise to help stop chronic worrying that leads to relationship anxiety:

Take that movie that you play so well…that imagining of all that can wrong… make that movie into a still picture…then and shrink that picture down… then make that dark…and smaller yet…that’s right…and then…imagine a new picture…one where it all goes right…just the way that you want it to be…and give that picture color…and sound….and see that picture begin to move…just like a movie…make it bright…big and bold…with all the bells and whistles…then take a deep breath….that’s right…

What you imagine, you get. So choose what you imagine carefully. If you have a problem with that…then ask yourself “What would happen if it did go right?”…

And remember this; you are only responsible for your own relationship anxiety. If your partner has relationship anxiety, only they can take care of it. If they don’t acknowledge it, learn from it or let it go…you can’t do it for them…or make them do it…can you?

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

P.S. You don’t have to deal with the pain of relationship anxiety…anymore…make the choice to leave it behind…where it belongs…in the past… 

The post Relationship Anxiety: Are You Dealing with the Pain? appeared first on Sherie Venner | NLP Coach | NLP | Relationship Coach | Relationship Tips.

A failed relationship
brings with it many things.

There can be pain, remorse, regret…a feeling that something has died for you.

Are your emotions on a roller coaster ride?

Do you feel ecstatic and excited one moment because “yes, I’m finally free and can my life on my own terms!” and then the next moment feel “Oh my god, what have I done? I’ll never meet anyone ever again or be happy??”

I’ve been there. Most of us have. Because having a failed relationship…or even more than one…is not uncommon.

Especially if you started off on the wrong foot and had a relationship with someone that you didn’t have values in common with…or began a serious relationship with someone you didn’t know very well…or fell in love with who you thought a person was…not the reality of who they were.

What You Can Do After a Failed Relationship

• Acceptance. Once you accept that the relationship is done…that it’s over…and that there is no going back, you gain peace…because then you are free to move on.
• Forgive yourself and your partner. No matter what your partner has done, forgiving them is a gift that you give to yourself. It doesn’t mean that you agree with what they did…just that you are willing to let it go…so that you can move on…
• Learn what you did wrong. Accept your part in the failed relationship, even if it was as simple as picking the wrong person. You can’t go back and change the past but you can learn from it….and you need to…so that you don’t repeat it. Because we all know that if we don’t get the lesson, we’ll keep on making the same mistakes…until we do…
• Create a vivid new future…full of possibilities…and do it with big, bright vivid pictures…with hope and big dreams…see yourself happy…
• Choose power instead of victimhood. Often people who have a failed relationship feel that they were a victim, somehow. The point of power lies in releasing any feelings of being a victim…no matter what the circumstances.

Taking What You’ve Learned From Your Failed Relationship

Now that you’ve had that failed relationship, you probably know so much better what you don’t want…and that is a huge step in the direction of knowing what you really, really do want.

Clarify your values. What is important to you in a relationship? Is it loyalty, fun, freedom, fidelity, financial stability, acceptance, passion, companionship, or something else? What is it for you?

Can you look past the outer wrapping…the package that the person comes in…and see the aspects and values that matter to you…in the other person?

I knew someone who would only date men who were over 6 feet tall, with brown hair and blue eyes. She overlooked anyone else who didn’t meet those standards. That’s not what counts! Really. It’s about personality, values, having goals in common…finding someone that you can share a life with…who can be a partner…

Know that you can have what you want in a partner…and be happy…and know peace…let go of that failed relationship (or more than one)…let go of those emotions of failure…and when you are finally ready to stop beating yourself up because you did fail…then you can move forward and create a new life…a new relationship…that is so much better than the one before…really.

Then you can step out with confidence, pride and peace…raise those standards…and be ready to accept the success that you deserve…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

The post Finding Peace in the Aftermath of a Failed Relationship appeared first on Sherie Venner | NLP Coach | NLP | Relationship Coach | Relationship Tips.