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When we start5 Simple but Effective Keys for a Happier Relationship taking our relationships for granted, they can fall by the way side and in some cases, disappear altogether.

If you know that you are taking your relationship for granted or your partner is, and there is no abuse involved, then there are a few simple things that you can do to have more love, feel more appreciated and have a happy relationship.

Are these Ways to a Happy Relationship on your To-Do List?

1. Take a deep breath and think before you speak…that’s right…do you remember a time in your life when you were younger and you had a habit of speaking impulsively or getting angry quickly? Then…you might have said something that you regretted and here is the thing…words have power.

So, take a deep breath, or even one or two, and count to three…or 5…or 10…think about what you are about to say…and what the long term repercussions are going to be…do you really want to threaten to walk out when it isn’t what you really want to happen? Do you want to call your significant other foul names…the person you say you love? Really…think about it…it’s not worth jeopardizing a happy relationship, is it?

2. Be considerate about sleeping arrangements. I am an extreme night owl and while I sometimes can manage to get to bed at a decent time, there are other times when I am up writing until 3 or 4 in the morning. The time is quiet, the phone isn’t ringing…the house is quiet and I think best at that time. So, is it fair to my husband to keep coming in and out of the bedroom?

No…on those occasions, it is best for me to either wait until he gets up or I sleep on the couch. He is a person who snores and on nights when I am sleeping on a regular (not writing) schedule, if his snoring is bothering me, he offers to sleep on the couch (he is amazing, by the way!). A good night’s sleep goes a long way to keeping peace and harmony in a relationship. : D

3. Give a warning if you are going to be talking about something sensitive…either a heads up text, email or phone call works…the last thing you want is to come home after a tough day at work and have something nasty dumped on your head…like an overdue bill that was forgotten…or a bad report card…a nasty letter from the city about your barking dog…or your partner was laid off from work…know what I mean?

4. Be free with compliments. You know…I love that my husband is my best cheerleader…I appreciate that when I have a success that he is excited for me and that he wants to celebrate…do you do that or have that in your relationship? It doesn’t need to be a big gesture…sometimes, a big YAHOO and a big bear hug is all that is necessary.

5. Do small favors. This might seem like such a small factor in a happy relationship but it really matters. Imagine how you would feel if you walked into your kitchen after a hard night (you couldn’t sleep, were up with the kids, or something else…) and your kitchen is clean…and you didn’t do it. Your partner did, without being asked…it is a lovely feeling…kind of warm and fuzzy…

Never let a problem to be solved become more important than the person to be loved. Barbara Johnson. Tweet this!

Feel More Connected to Have a Happy Relationship

These small steps will actually help you to feel more connected in your relationship if both of you are doing them. In fact, even if only one of you starts doing them, there is often a snow ball effect. Your partner will often reciprocate because they feel more connected with you and they feel appreciated.

Even if you are in a long term stable relationship, with time, these simple practical tips can help you bring more love and joy into your relationship…and you will be able to create that happy relationship that you want.  Stop taking the people you love for granted because we only have now…and they need to know that they are important. The little things do make a difference, don’t they?

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

 

 

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We have all had
bored boring lifemoments when we thought that our life was a mind crushingly boring life…those days when we were doing the same things over and over, often with little reward at the end of the day.

Even so, when it was simply a case of being bored, you knew that there was an end to it…at some point in time.

The boring trip would be over. The boring project would be finished and you could start one that you really, really like. The boring summer when you were a kid and all of your friends were gone would end with the return of school.

Or if you have ever been a parent, and had to sit through 3 showings of Toy Story every single day for a month…well, you really know the definition of boring, know what I mean? : D (and by the way, I love Toy Story and I could probably recite every line of the first movie, thank you, William!)

Here is what I define boredom as:

Boredom is not doing what you really want to do.

Yes, we all have chores and not many people that I know really get thrilled by cleaning out the refrigerator (please drop me a line if you like doing it; I have a fridge that needs a thorough wipe down!). There is a difference in doing a dreaded chore and being stuck in the state of boredom.

Is It a Boring Life or Is It Depression?

While moments of boredom can come and go in life, persistent feelings of:

  • Heaviness
  • Apathy
  • Numbness
  • Darkness
  • Futility
  • Exhaustion and difficulty sleeping

…are NOT boredom.

Boredom leaves, quite swiftly, when something more interesting comes along. That is not the case with depression. It is one of those states that are VERY stuck and it is a heavier feeling than boredom.

So, if you have been thinking that you are just bored and you have some of the above symptoms, it might not be that easy. It might be depression. In that case, you might need to seek professional help. ..and remember…asking for help is a sign of strength…not weakness…

Fixing a Boring Life is Simple When You Put Your Mind to It

  • You find something that interests you that compliments your core values.
  • You arrange and organize your life so that you can spend more time doing what interests you.
  • You look for opportunities to enhance your life with what interests you.
  • You release any blocks to doing those activities (remember, they have to compliment your core values, I can’t say this often enough).
  • You make vision boards and visualize that exciting life that you want.
  • You start with the end in mind and reverse engineer how you are going to get there.

Can you imagine your life if you were doing what you really wanted to do? Do you think that it would be “boring” or do you think that you would get up in the morning, excited to meet the new day and live it, fully and completely?

 

“Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things.”  Denis Diderot. Tweet this!

Does that sound like a fairy-tale to you or do you think that it is possible? There are many people who live lives like that…where each day, when their feet hit the floor in the morning, their heart sings with joy, and they are filled with an energy, a passion and confidence that they are living the life that they really want.

Ask yourself these questions and see what answers you come up with…you can write them down if you want…or just notice…what those answers are…

  • What aspect of my life is boring to me?
  • What am I doing or not doing that is causing me to feel this way?
  • Do I need to be more organized?
  • Do I need structure or a schedule?
  • Do I need ideas on what to do?
  • Do I need more time to think, to imagine, and to create?
  • Do I need to delegate some of the work I am doing?

And then I will ask this one…perhaps the most important question of them all….

Do you feel that you need to ask permission to have a life of excitement, passion, joy, energy….do you? If you do, then the question becomes, “According to who?” Is there someone that you feel you need to ask permission of…and let that go…because the only permission you need is yours…that’s right…

Change your Perspective and that Boring Life Will Change

These steps are simple…really…and they can make a difference…if you let them…catch the excitement of all of the possibilities…let your imagination run with the possibilities…and then make a choice…because you can…and this life is amazing…it really is…

It’s all about perspective…in how you see things…so if you can see that aspects of your life that you have labelled as being boring are just temporary…if you realize that you have the power to create your own life…and it doesn’t have to be a boring life…does it?

Get to the bottom of it and find out what you really want to do…get through the necessary chores of life…and allow yourself the time to be creative, to dance in the rain…to feel love and real joy…because you really do deserve that….don’t you?

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

 

 

 

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gratitudeDo you find that expressing gratitude is easy or is it hard for you? In these fast paced times that we live in, amongst all the noise and the confusion…it can be hard to take that time…and if you do, the benefits are immense.

The benefits that you can look forward to are benefits that most of us want…peace…happiness…love…a life that we dream of…and gratitude plays a big part in achieving all of those hopes and dreams.

Lacking Gratitude

Do you know someone who is always looking on the dark side of life…who never seems to be grateful for anything and indeed…seems to take the good things that happen for granted? That kind of attitude is a sense of entitlement.

You know the one I mean…the world owes it to me…just because…instead of an attitude of “I am so full of gratitude because….”. Often, that type of attitude can be outgrown, as life experiences happen and people learn. But for some people, it doesn’t always work out that way.

There once was a small child…a child who had been given everything in the world by doting parents…and one day…that little girl saw her brother get a toy that she wanted…and she screamed and screamed…she threw down the toy that her parents had so lovingly picked out for her…and tossed it out of an upper bedroom window onto the cobblestone streets…where the doll lay, dirty and scratched from the fall into the street…

Why is Gratitude Important?

Developing an “attitude of gratitude” changes the neural pathways in your brain. Imagine that your brain is like a vinyl record being played through a needle in an arm on a record player…every time that needle plays in that vinyl groove, it gets deeper and deeper …and the same thing happens with the thoughts in your brain…

What pathways are your thoughts creating in your mind

What pathways are your thoughts creating in your mind? Tweet this!

So, your brain on gratitude is a different brain than someone who doesn’t practice gratitude. It is a happier brain, one that focuses on the Positive rather than the negative…because that is what happens…isn’t it?

3 Powerful Ways to Express Gratitude that Will Make All the Difference

  1. Writing gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal. Write in it every night before you go to bed…have a special book. I have a green bound journal, you know…one of those books that has the matching elastic, so that you don’t lose your place. I have a pen that I love (a gel pen…I love stationery stores, I can get lost for hours browsing in them). Just before you go to sleep, take a moment or two and think back on the day…and think of those things…those people…those events…that you are grateful for. It might even only be that today you drew breath…or that the sun came up…those are good things to be grateful for …and we all really have so much to be grateful for…if we only took the time to reflect on them…really…
  2. Feeling gratitude. After you have made that list…and for me, sometimes I set a goal of writing 5 things every night…and then I get started…and bam, before I know it…I am overcome with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for all the blessings that I have in my life…and then I write more than 5…and it can be done in a space of a few moments…and when you look at that list…and you bring up the images of all those things that you are SO grateful for…feel those feelings and make those feelings bigger…because you can…and it is such a good feeling…enjoy every second of it…that’s right…
  3. Speaking gratitude. Now, in our everyday lives, there are moments when we can speak gratitude and do it daily. Remember these words, they are important:
      • Please
      • Thank you
      • You’re welcome
      • I appreciate you
      • I am grateful for…

They are important words and when you speak them…and you mean them…you will feel so much more gratitude. If you have a spiritual practice, use those words in your practice, when you pray or meditate…it makes a difference…

There are many reasons why you practice gratitude and these are the most important, in my opinion. You feel so much better about yourself and your life when you are feeling and being and speaking gratitude. When you feel better, you do better. That is a great cycle to be in.

When you have all of those positive feelings cruising around in your body and your brain, you can create what you want with so much more ease. You have more energy, you are more creative, your imagination is on fire and you are more at peace with yourself. So harness those feelings of gratitude to get the life of your dreams.

You love yourself more when you have gratitude flowing through your life and you love others, it just naturally follows.

And so that little girl came to her senses…and as she watched her father go down to that busy street…she realized…right then and there…that he loved her…and she was grateful for that and for that doll because it was just a toy, after all…and that made all the difference in the world…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

 

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I had a client whothe cave you fear to enter quote asked me this question:
“What if this is all I can accomplish? What if I am just going to be ordinary?”…

That is an interesting question, and there are many ways to answer it…

She was afraid that her life was not going to have meaning because she was afraid that she was only ever going to lead an ordinary life…

What Does Being Ordinary Mean to You?

It means different things to different people and a lot of it depends on our value system. If you think that you are ordinary because you aren’t famous or have your own reality TV show, that is different than the person who thinks that they are ordinary because they haven’t cured cancer or won a Nobel Peace prize.

So, being ordinary might mean that you are average…you live in an average neighborhood…with an average income…and average
dreams…that is one definition…there could be many…

The Fear of Being Ordinary

The problem happens when we start to think that “being ordinary” is a bad thing. It isn’t…because we are all ordinary; we are all just human beings. Ordinary people are the ones who do extraordinary things. Everybody starts out ordinary.

Underlying that fear is the fear of not “being enough” or the fear of not being “good enough” or a fear of not “being special”. That fear is a limiting belief and it’s not true. It just feels true in the moment.

The Quest to be Special

In our society there seems to be the quest to always be better, to always be striving to do more and more. We don’t seem to
be able to settle.

One thing that I have learned in my life is that there is always someone coming up behind you that is better at something that you do. It might not be right away, it might be years from now, or even decades from now…but as we learn and grow as a species, there will be people who come along who are smarter, faster, and cleverer at that thing that you do.

So, does that mean that you just dust yourself off and don’t do anything…no…absolutely not.

Ask yourself “Why am I afraid that I will only be ordinary?”.  Is there something, deep inside of you, that you want or need to do…is that why you are afraid? Look at yourself honestly and see if there is a yearning that needs to be fulfilled…is there something extraordinary there…that you believe is your task in life? You can push past that fear of being ordinary and accomplish what you need to.

This is an amazing quote by Joseph Campbell :

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. – Joseph Campbell.  Tweet this!

In order to overcome that fear or any fear…you need to acknowledge it, accept that it is there, discover the root in your imagination …so that you can let it go…because it isn’t real…is it?

So when you are ready to face that fear, these easy steps can help you:

  • Focus on your values (if you don’t know what they are, discover them)
  • Stop criticizing yourself; you are just getting in your own way
  • Know what you really want
  • Know WHY you really want it
  • Do the best you can, without getting stuck in perfectionism
  • Listen to that still small voice inside of you; you know the one that I mean…

And in the wise words of Dr. Seuss:

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

 

We Are All Ordinary

…and that’s okay…just ordinary people…who go on sometimes to do extraordinary things. There are people in your life that you are anything but ordinary to.

To a child, his parents are extraordinary. To a parent, the child is extraordinary. To a beloved partner, you are extraordinary. We are ordinary people who get occasional extraordinary moments.

So, my friends, there is power in being ordinary because it has always been the ordinary people who have done extraordinary things…so look at that fear you might have had of being ordinary…and ask yourself “What message does this have for me?” and “What do I really want?”…you might be surprised at the answers…because you matter…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

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If you have everRelationships are like glass been in love, chances are that you have gone through at least one breakup in your life…and you know how painful that can be.

Even if  both of you agreed that the breakup was best for both of you, it can still be painful…and it doesn’t need to be that hard…there are things that you can do to make it easier…really.

Not all relationships can be saved nor should all relationships be saved. There are those that can’t or shouldn’t be. Only you can be the judge of that. Sometimes, it is better to let it go.

Why is Breaking Up so Hard to Do?

  • Fear of the unknown. Even if the relationship has had its ups and downs, it was familiar. With that familiarity comes a sense of comfort…and we all know how hard it can be to leave your comfort zone…even if it isn’t in your best interest to stay…there are brain chemicals involved, too…those feel good chemicals that you associate with the person you were with…
  • Focusing on the good. When you think back on the relationship, you have a habit of focusing on the good times…when you look at the stuffed bear he won for you at the fair, you have a sweet feeling deep in your heart.
  • You are an optimist. You think the relationship can be changed, the other person will do better and you vow that you will change, too, and be an even better you. After all, doesn’t true love conquer all?

Some people think that it is holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting goTweet this!

3 Breakup Survival Techniques that Work

  1. Dejunk. Get rid of those small material things that you can that reminds you of your partner, pictures, gifts…
  2. Eat some chocolate. Seriously. Chocolate has a chemical in it called Theo bromine that mimics the feeling of being in love. Don’t mainline it but a square or two daily will help you get over the rough patches.
  3. The Last Straw Technique. Yes…that is what it is called. Do you know the story about the camel and how it had straw piled on its back…and more straw…and more straw…until finally, there was that last straw…and it broke the camels’ back?

This NLP technique is very powerful and very effective and you must promise me…that you will only do this NLP technique if you are very, very sure that there is absolutely no hope for reconciliation nor should there be…that the breakup is going to be permanent…this is not to be done lightly…

This is the simple version and it works…very well…when you have time and you are in a quiet place…think of a time when the person you are breaking up with did something that you were unhappy with…that brings up a very negative emotion about them…and then think of another time…and another…and make those pictures bigger and brighter…and see all the things that you saw…and feel what you felt…and hear what you heard…and then…string those pictures together and make them rush quickly across that mind of yours…and do it…over and over again…until you no longer feel any reason to be with that person…ever again…

This is a simple but powerful technique and you might need to do it more than once. Some people find it easy to go over that threshold and others don’t…the ones who don’t have very strong images and feelings about good times. So for them, they need to imagine a picture of a very happy time with that person…then imagine all of those negative times, then add the picture of the happy time…that should do it…

When you do this strategy, it weakens and breaks the bonds that keep you attached to that person…and by doing so, the pain goes away…if you are just contemplating a breakup and are having a hard time making the breakup stick (you keep going back even though you shouldn’t)…this will make it easy to free you of attachment to the old relationship.

And remember this…a breakup can be a new beginning…as so many things are…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

 

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