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It can happen to anyone…that feeling that you aretaken for granted being taken for granted in your relationship. It can happen at the beginning, or the middle or somewhere in between…in new relationships and in relationships that have a few years in them.

Being taken for granted can happen in relationships with parents, with children, with spouses/partners, with friends and with people that we work with.

Here are some of the warning signs that relate mostly to a spouse/partner relationship but I am sure that you can see that similar patterns can happen in those other kinds of relationships.

The 7 Warning Signs of Being Taken For Granted

  1. Never saying please or thank you or smiling at you
  2. Not responding to you when you speak
  3. Expecting you to pick up after them (clothes, dishes, etc.). You feel like the maid.
  4. No matter how much you do, it’s not enough…or appreciated…it’s just expected…
  5. There is a feeling, a very pervasive feeling, that you are being ignored or neglected
  6. Never taking the time to sit down and just talk with you, because you are important
  7. Not making birthdays or anniversaries special occasions (that doesn’t mean spending a fortune…unless you happen to be very prosperous…lol)

That feeling of being taken for granted is a very painful feeling…it hurts…and we have probably had an experience or two in our lives of some instance when we felt that way…when you are in a significant relationship and it feels that the other person is taking you for granted…it hurts how you feel about yourself.

Most human beings have an absolute and infinite capacity for taking things for granted-Aldous Huxley Tweet This!

Your self-esteem is affected and then it becomes a vicious cycle. As you feel worse about yourself, the other person seems to neglect you more…and so on…and in a way…that neglect is a form of abuse…emotional abuse…if it goes on long enough. It doesn’t mean that you need to be catered to or that if you are needy, the other person should always be at your beck and call…no…being taken for granted is deeper than that…

It’s when you have started out on a solid footing, have had great communication, and then…over time (sometimes not much time…)…the other person starts to have expectations of what you bring to the relationship…and it is more than they do…it is the inequality that is the problem.

Breaking Free of Being Taken for Granted

 

It all starts with you, doesn’t it? If you find yourself in that situation, here is what you can do:

Write out a list of the things you appreciate about your partner and invite them to do the same about you. This will open a door of communication and you will see where they are coming from. Often, it is a matter of life getting in the way (bills, work, health issues, kids, parents, etc.)…but you won’t know unless you talk about it…

This list will start the ball rolling…and the next thing that I am going to tell you might surprise you…and it might not…

You, on some level and for some reason, have accepted that behavior from your partner…and you have allowed them to take you for granted. So, start treating yourself as if you are important…because you are…take that time to do those things for yourself that you have been putting off… make time to develop yourself…take a class or read a book that will stretch your mind…

Make yourself a priority in your own life and others that you are in relationship with will start making you a priority too….we all have a need to feel significant in our lives and especially in our relationships…so if you do feel like you are being taken for granted…maybe it is time for a change…don’t you think?

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

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Everybody has problems.
Everybody wishes that their life was better. Everybody could have had a better childhood.

Does everybody feel that they are broken? No…absolutely not…

If you have been struggling with these feelings:

  • Of depression
  • Of anxiety
  • Of shame
  • Of guilt
  • Of anger
  • Of self-pity

…then it is no wonder that you have been feeling broken. Anyone would. The question to ask here, though, is it helping you? Is that feeling of being broken getting in the way of being happy and having the life you want? The chances are…the answer is yes.

Breaking Rocks for Real

I was a geologist in my youth. I did exploration geology. What that means, is that every summer, I was dropped off in Northern Alberta. We camped in isolated areas and we explored. I usually got lost because I was terrible with a compass. : D

One of my jobs was to venture out and collect rock samples. I carried a small prospector’s hammer for that purpose. When we came to an outcropping that we needed to take a sample of, out came my trusty hammer. I would bang away at that stone and try and get a sample.

It was hard. Sparks and bits of rock flew off as I hammered and hammered. I could work up quite a sweat. There is a lot of granite, a very hard stone, in Northern Manitoba. You know, rocks that didn’t have cracks in them were the hardest to get samples from. The rock outcroppings that had cracks…man, they fell apart and those samples were so easy to get…

When you release negative beliefs (no matter what technique you use), you develop cracks…and its gets easier to free yourself from that negative belief system…just like those rock outcroppings that were so easy to get samples from.

One of my favorite quotes is this one from Michelangelo:

Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it. Click here to tweet this!

 

When You are Done with Feeling Broken

 

Here is a five step process that will make it easier for you to let go of feeling broken.

  1. Make a decision that you have had enough
  2. Decide what you really do want
  3. Find a modality that you think will work for you (affirmations, hypnosis, NLP, EFT etc. whatever you feel comfortable with)
  4. Work a program of letting go of those negative beliefs
  5. When those cracks in your negative belief system appear, hammer it through, so that you can realize that you always were whole, that it was there all the time…because it was…

If you are ready to let that feeling of being broken go, you can…because it is an illusion. You are not broken…in fact, you never have been…you just thought that you were. All along, under the layers and layers of protection of those negative feelings, has lain a complete and whole you.

Wholeness. It was there all the time. Even if you feel that you are broken, it is a temporary feeling, one that can pass.

In your life, you are the sculptor. You need to catch the vision of the statue, of that magnificence that lies within you. See that, even for a moment, and when you have had the opportunity to weaken that stone, through letting go of limiting beliefs…you can break free of feeling broken…just like that…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner 

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Have you been believing lies that others or you have been telling yourself? Don’t feel bad about it…it’s something we have all done at some point in time or another…and you don’t need to do it anymore.
Richard Bach has an amazing quote:

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we’re afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we’ll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.”  Richard Bach

What Types of Lies do you Need to Stop Believing?

The lies are the stories that we weave into our lives that aren’t true and we need to stop believing those lies. They are fantasies, that keep us  living in a world that we think is real but isn’t. We see an event in our lives, like being left by a loved one through divorce or abandonment, and we tell a story. That story says that if we were good enough, or we had just done this or that…you know that story…if only…then it would have been different? But would it?

Look back and see if it really would have been different. What if you weren’t the problem? Yes, there is always something that we can better about ourselves. I am all for self-improvement. : D ….and life, is after all, a journey, a journey of many steps that has its ups and downs.

The problem lies in placing blame and shame on ourselves. People hold onto the negative beliefs and those negative beliefs are the lies…and why? Because of fear…of the fear of being unloved…that lies beneath so many negative beliefs…it really does…

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

 

You can’t solve this way of thinking by thinking the same way that got you to this point in time. You really have to change your perspective…and you can because….

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”    Click here to tweet this.

Update: This is from a longer quote from Marianne Williamson (thanks to one of my commenters for pointing this out!)  Here is the full quote:

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”  Marianne Williamson

There is a meditation that you can do…a simple meditation…so take a moment and think of a safe place in your mind…a place of peace and comfort…a place where you can breathe…deeply…now…just like that…

…and when you are in that place of peace and safety…in your mind…I want you to remember a time…when you were new…when you were first here…and you knew that you were loved…wholly and completely…and feel that love…and see what you saw in that moment…and hear what you hear…and allow all of those feelings of love to just be there…so that you know how wonderful you are…that you are full of love…and take those feelings and make them bigger…and double it…and make them brighter…until you can feel those amazingly wonderful feelings of love filling you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes…just because you can.

Make those feelings a part of you…and when you are ready…take those feelings with you…when you come back to this moment…and realize that at any moment in time…any time that you choose…you can have those feelings of love…because they exist…separate from time…don’t they?

If you do a meditation like this on a daily basis, just before you go to bed, perhaps…or maybe first thing in the morning, and you begin to feel that those feelings of love are normal for you…you will find it so much easier to do those things that you need to do to fulfill your purpose here…you really will…and you will stop believing those lies…now.

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

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I am very lucky to have been born in Canada. Each year, my family celebrates Canada Day the way that many families do…we have barbeques, picnics, visit with family and go to the Canada Day celebrations…I love the fireworks!

But it isn’t the celebrations themselves that are so important…it’s not the food…or the sparklers…or the face painting. It is the sense of pride that I see on the face of all of the people as they troop towards the large park in the center of Millwoods. Small children clutch the hands of their parents and some little ones are carried. They run and jump, excitedly, and play until it is dark enough to start the fireworks.

Here in Edmonton, it doesn’t get dark enough until 11…and then…everything goes quiet…and the children wait…and then…with a loud bang, the first round of fireworks goes off, to the delighted squeals and oohs and aahhhs of the onlookers. And for 15 minutes, we are delighted with the roar, whizz and bang of many, many delightful sights.

When it is all done, the people pack up their chairs and their blankets and take their children and their dogs home…feeling that sense of pride that we feel about being Canadian. We aren’t extremely boisterous…it is a quiet kind of pride for most of us, although there are exceptions.

Our country isn’t perfect…and you know what I think about perfection, right? But it is a really, really great country…a country that is still relatively young on this planet…just barely 145 years old. So whether you were lucky enough to be born here in Canada or whether you were lucky enough to choose Canada as your home…we are all in the same boat…lucky…

My eyes still tear up when I hear the Canadian anthem playing. I stand for it. So, I am grateful to be a Canadian. I think a lot of us are.

Happy Canada Day! I, for one, will focus on what is right with our country, today, and be grateful for those good things. For those of us who can live in countries where we have so many freedoms, let’s count our blessings…at least for today…

No matter what country you live in, think today of one small thing you can do to better the place where you live. Perhaps it is as simple as picking up a piece of litter and throwing it into a garbage bin…if we all took a bit more pride…what a difference it would make…wouldn’t it?

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

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There is a story…a story about two frogs…the two frogs were playing in a meadow when they were caught by a farmer…he brought them back to a farmhouse and put two pots on the top of his wooden stove…one frog he put in a pot of cold water and set the temperature under the pot to low…and the frog stayed there…the other pot he let boil and then threw the other frog in….that frog jumped out of the pot immediately.

“We think too small, like the frog at the bottom of the well. He thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well. If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view.” ~Mao Tse-Tung

Ignoring the Problems in Your Relationships

What happens when you are in a situation that you tolerate? After a while, it becomes the new normal for you. Think of it this way, when you have a bedroom that you keep immaculately clean, you like it to stay that way.

If, for some reason, your habit changes (let’s say you get a new roommate or you were sick for an extended time) and you start leaving clothes on the bedroom floor…and they stay there…after a while, your brain starts to think that it is normal for the clothes to be there.

What happens if you are in a relationship with someone…and they yell at you, loudly…and you do nothing or very little to stop it or voice your concern. They yell at you again and maybe hit you…and you don’t do anything to stop it…after a while, that becomes your new normal. You become accustomed to that kind of behavior towards you. You don’t know when enough is enough.

It becomes very hard for men or women who are in an abusive relationship of any kind (and there are many) to leave because for them, it is the new normal. It is like the frog in the pot that starts out cold…everything seems fine…and the frog doesn’t notice that the temperature is getting hotter until it is too late…and then, it really is too late for that frog.

Aren’t you glad that you aren’t a frog? That you have the ability to see those behaviors that you don’t want to have in your life anymore. When you realize that the behavior that you were tolerating is NOT normal, you can change it…can’t you? When you no longer ignore it…when you see that it is there…that is where the power is.

How Do You Define Normal in Your Relationships with Yourself and Others

You might need to do research to find out what a healthy normal is in a relationship. You might not know…especially if you saw bad, violent, abusive, or codependent relationships modelled for you by parents, relatives, friends, or others in your life. Look around…ask questions…read books…find blogs…there is a lot of information out there.

  • What do you think a truly functional relationship should look like?
  • What is normal for you now in a relationship?
  • What would happen if you could feel powerful while you are in relationship with another?
  • What is your WHY for having a wonderful relationship?

When you no longer tolerate the intolerable, when you know when enough is enough,  opportunities come into your life. You can be open to new ways to improve your relationships. You might have to make the hard decision to leave a relationship…I don’t know…and remember that everything is relationship…

Are you tolerating the intolerable? Is it in a relationship with someone else…in your relationship with yourself…in your work life…in your relationship with your own body…you can do this lovingly…with a positive motivation…because you are the director of your own movie…aren’t you?

Believe in yourself and know that you deserve…really deserve…to have relationships that work…that support you in being the amazing individual that you are…that embrace respect and love…and step up to that plate and claim the very best…because you can…because you can feel that you do deserve it…it is as simple as that…

When you know that enough is enough…think of that life where you no longer tolerate bad behavior…just like that…that life, over there, where you know your own value…and it is a lot…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

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