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3 Ways of Thinking that Keep You Stuck (and You Need to Unload Now)

There are 3thinking is a habit and like other habits it can be changed ways of thinking…that keep people stuck…that keep people from having the lives, the careers, the love and the success that they want.

They are common ways of thinking and they aren’t necessary and can be changed…in fact, should be unloaded right now.

“Thinking is a habit, and like any other habit, it can be changed; it just takes effort and repetition”.~ John Eliot

The Way We Think

The way we think influences our lives. Agreed? Those ways of thinking can be old patterns and habits leftover from when we were kids. Or they could be new patterns that we developed as we grew and had different experiences.

When we think, we think in pictures, sounds, feelings and sometimes, in smells and tastes. If the way you think works for you…and gives you what you want in life…and you feel a great amount of harmony, peace and love…well, then, I would say that the way you think works very well for you (even though I would just be guessing…).

However, if you can imagine this scenario…let’s pretend that there is a woman named Amanda. Amanda works hard at her job and often stays past her work hours to make sure that everything gets done and set up for the next day.

She is a hard worker who goes above and beyond, often putting in unpaid time after work on her own time, to do research for work projects. In her position, she is allowed to bank hours. In fact, she is allowed to take days from her vacation accrual if she needs them. So, there is a long weekend coming up.

Amanda asks for and gets approval to take an extra day off on the long weekend so that she can have a four day weekend.(Who loves a 4 day long weekend?). She has made sure that she has prepared for and has all the bases covered for that extra day at work. All systems are go.

Amanda begins to feel a nagging feeling, like something isn’t right. She starts looking for permission…for someone to say that it’s okay that she has arranged to take this day off. Remember…the day has been cleared, she is making sure all her i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed in her office…she actually has the right to take the day off…and isn’t going to hurt anyone…

Unload These Ways of Thinking

  • Needing Permission. There is a subtle difference between needing permission to do something and needing approval to do it. When a person looks for permission, there could be an underlying feeling of not deserving…so they are looking for permission from an outside authority (a parent, a spouse, a supervisor)…to do the thing they want to do.
  • Feeling Guilty. Guilt is a waste of your time. If you have done something wrong (and I’m not talking about MAJOR things here like severely hurting someone physically or robbing a bank), take responsibility for it, make it right if you can, and move on. Don’t do it again! Guilt keeps you stuck in the past and it serves no use for most people, other than to keep you stuck.
  • Speaking to Yourself Critically. Perfectionists are experts at speaking to themselves critically. It doesn’t work. It just makes you feel bad about yourself and the last time I checked, that really doesn’t get you the results you want, long term.

A New Way of Thinking

“A thought-form held in thinking substance is a reality; it is a real thing, whether it has yet become visible to mortal eye or not.”~ Wallace D. Wattles

Our thoughts are real…and they help shape our reality…and because they do that…we must be aware of our way of thinking. The possibility exists within each one of us to change those ways of thinking.

Take responsibility for every decision that you make. When you feel that you are at 100% responsibility, then those ineffective ways of thinking…that need for permission…that guilt…and speaking to yourself critically…can all melt away…

You need your permission. If you aren’t sure that you are going in the right direction, make a list of the pros and cons. For example, Amanda can make a list of the pros of taking the extra day and the cons for taking the extra day.

Then she can take a look at that list and see if she needs to make an adjustment. Then she can take responsibility for making that decision…because when it comes down to it…when you can accept total responsibility…you don’t need anyone else’s permission, do you?

Toss guilt out of the window. Using guilt is like using a hammer to brush snow off of a car windshield….you can do a lot of long term damage that way…

Speak kindly to yourself…remember that it is true that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar…especially when it comes to your relationship with you….

So, when you take 100% responsibility for your actions…and that is really just a decision…then you will start to feel that you deserve what you want in life…you can unload those 3 ways of thinking that don’t work anyway…let go of thinking you needed permission…let go of the guilt…let go of the criticism…just because you can…just like that…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner 

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I am a Relationship Coach who helps others create happy, healthy, loving relationships…including the relationship they have with themselves…by breaking through those blocks and barriers to success. I use various techniques gathered through training as a Master Practitioner of NLP, timeline, hypnosis and common sense gathered through life experience.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Edmund Lee October 16, 2012, 9:18 am

    Wonderful topic you have here Sherie! Everyone can relate to this. We can’t change the world, but we can change our thoughts!

    • Sherie October 16, 2012, 9:20 am

      We absolutely can, Edmund! So appreciate your comment, thanks!

  • Sara Nickleberry October 15, 2012, 8:59 am

    “Guilt is a waste of your time.” <—– LIFE CHANGING! This is the absolute truth.
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    • Sherie October 15, 2012, 9:15 am

      It absolutely is!! Thanks, Sara!!

  • Lorii Abela October 12, 2012, 12:23 am

    It’s a very insightful topic. The best part for me is, “Toss guilt out of the window.” It’s time to let that guilt feeling go and take responsibility to our actions. 🙂

    • Sherie October 12, 2012, 10:08 am

      Right on!

  • Suzanne Jones October 11, 2012, 10:44 pm

    When we don’t take responsibility and opt to blame others or our circumstances, we indeed stay stuck in a miserable situation. Many do not realize how freeing it is to just own whatever it is, make amends if necessary and move on.
    Great informative post Sherie!
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    • Sherie October 11, 2012, 10:57 pm

      Yes, it does keep people stuck…personal responsibility is very empowering! Thank you, Suzanne!

  • Sally K Witt October 11, 2012, 7:59 pm

    Great Sherie, what a good topic. Really difficult for people that struggle with their thoughts.

    • Sherie October 11, 2012, 9:02 pm

      Thank you, Sally, I appreciate that!

  • Susan Preston October 11, 2012, 3:23 pm

    Thank you for such a Brilliant and Amazing article! I especially loved this quote, “A thought-form held in thinking substance is a reality; it is a real thing, whether it has yet become visible to mortal eye or not.” ~ Wallace D. Wattles
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    • Sherie October 11, 2012, 3:57 pm

      Susan, so appreciate your comment, thanks!

  • Lisa Frederiksen - BreakingTheCycles.com October 11, 2012, 11:29 am

    This is a wonderful post, Sherie, and something I’ve found extremely helpful in my own life – we really can change our thoughts and therefore change our lives. Your suggestions are excellent!
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    • Sherie October 11, 2012, 1:59 pm

      Thank you, Lisa, I really appreciate your kind words! : D

  • Karen Presecan October 10, 2012, 7:38 pm

    Wonderful article! “Guilt is a waste of your time.” This stood out to me.. my hubby always tells me that guilt is a useless emotion!

    • Sherie October 10, 2012, 10:35 pm

      Yes, it definitely is, Karen! Thanks for your comment!

  • denny hagel October 10, 2012, 12:02 pm

    As frustrating as it is to examine what our culture and society has done to us it can also be viewed as a HUGE wakeup call to parents to be sure their children are not getting the same messages that so many adults received during their childhood! After all, it is each and every one of us who make up ‘society’. Change begins within! Great article!
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    • Sherie October 10, 2012, 12:07 pm

      Change does begin within, Denny. We have such a huge responsibility to make sure our children receive a different message! Thanks so much for your comment!

  • Kim Hawkins October 10, 2012, 10:51 am

    Very insightful article Sherie! Not sure why or how our society got to a point where it’s so difficult to give ourselves permission to do things but here we are. Love that you gently remind us of who is in the driver’s seat. Here’s to being nice to ourselves and ditching the guilt.
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    • Sherie October 10, 2012, 10:56 am

      Kim, thank you and well said! <3

  • Carolyn Hughes October 10, 2012, 9:42 am

    Love this post Sherie, especially your emphasis on taking 100% responsibility for your actions because this means there is no room for blaming others!
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    • Sherie October 10, 2012, 9:54 am

      Absolutely…and that is where the power lies!

  • Amy October 9, 2012, 9:17 pm

    Sherie, I think this article is so relatable to the modern-day experience of motherhood. It’s too easy to let the outside voices from the media, certain blogs – and even Pinterest! – convince us that we’re not doing a good enough job and to feel guilty or self-critical. Your post is a great reminder to focus on what’s important (the relationship) and not what isn’t (this Martha Stewart image of how it should all look)!
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    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 11:06 pm

      Love your insights, Amy! Yes…those critical voices need to be ignored…we are good enough…

  • Terree Rola aka The Frugal Foodie October 9, 2012, 6:37 pm

    I like this because I guilt myself sometimes. I don’t appreciate anyone trying to guilt me into something, so why should I do that to myself? I also need to practice talking nice to myself. Not that I’m screaming or using profanity, but I do need to sure I am talking about realistic expectations. 🙂

    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 6:47 pm

      If you wouldn’t say that to someone else, you shouldn’t say it to yourself! Thanks so much for your comment, Terree!

  • Terressa Cortez October 9, 2012, 6:06 pm

    Changing the way we think is the key to unlocking out full potential. So important. I am learning how and enjoying the journey !

    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 6:08 pm

      It makes for an awesome journey, doesn’t it, Terressa? : D

  • Ronae October 9, 2012, 3:33 pm

    Yup, that “tossing guilt out the window” completely transformed my life, and is something I recommend everyone try to practice daily!
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    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 5:06 pm

      It is a life transformer, isn’t it? : D

  • Martha Giffen October 9, 2012, 3:13 pm

    As Moms, I think the guilty thinking is the easiest trap to fall into. We can’t be everywhere at once and if you have more than one child, it’s difficult not to heap guilt on yourself. You give great tips for “right” thinking!
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    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 3:25 pm

      It is a very easy trap for Moms to fall into…thanks so much, Martha, I appreciate your comment!

  • Cathy Taughinbaugh October 9, 2012, 2:09 pm

    Love this one, Sherie. Taking 100% responsibility for your actions is the only way to move ahead. I like letting go of the guilt as well. That can definitely hold us back. Great inspiration to let go and move forward. Thank you.
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    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 2:35 pm

      Thank you, Cathy, I really appreciate your kind words! : D

  • Patsy Stewart October 9, 2012, 1:08 pm

    Great article Sherie! Even though sometimes it can be hard to accept we must take responsibility for our decisions. Get rid of the guilt and love yourself!! 🙂
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    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 1:08 pm

      Right on, Patsy, that is how to do it! : D

  • Susan Critelli October 9, 2012, 12:05 pm

    I think I probably do not speak kindly to myself. I am my own worst critic. Thanks for the great reminder.
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    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 12:37 pm

      We can be our own worse critics and that is why we do need to speak kindly to ourselves…big hugs, Susan!

  • BarabarjPeters October 9, 2012, 11:55 am

    Great article Sherie. We let things rule our lives far too much when we need to let go so that we can move on into something better. Thank you for the reminder !

    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 12:38 pm

      You’re very welcome and thank you, Barbara! 😀

  • Alexandra McAllister October 9, 2012, 10:56 am

    Excellent article, Sherie and definitely an eye opener! I especially like: “Toss guilt out the window.’ Great advice….as well as the rest of your article but this one spoke to me! Thank you!
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    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 11:37 am

      You’re welcome, Alexandra! : D

  • Elizabeth L Maness October 9, 2012, 10:25 am

    Thanks for this awesome message Sherie ! I need it! I let guilt rule me!!! what i didn’t do, what I should do, what I wish i had not not done! Thank you for such beautiful words ! You are such an inspiration to me !
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    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 11:37 am

      Awww…Elizabeth, thanks so much, dear!

  • Sharon O'Day October 9, 2012, 9:59 am

    Ah, my favorite topic, Sherie: personal responsibility. It works in every aspect of our lives. I can’t think of anything as empowering: it brings the control over a decision back to us and allows us to use our good judgment, keeping in mind that we’ll have to pay the consequences if our decision is not a good one. BTW, it also makes it easier for the outside world to interact with us because there are fewer miscommunications and hidden agendas!
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    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 11:38 am

      Personal responsibility is so important! Yes, you are right, Sharon, it does make for more transparent communication!

  • Paige October 9, 2012, 9:56 am

    I love your thoughts about accepting total responsibility. Being able to 100% accept responsibility and give MYSELF permission have been really powerful experiences for me.

    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 11:39 am

      Paige, it is a powerful mindset, isn’t it? : D

  • Angie M Jordan October 9, 2012, 9:49 am

    Great article Sherie! I need to read and re read…
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    • Sherie October 9, 2012, 11:39 am

      Thank you, Angie! : D