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5 Steps to Creating Your Ideal Relationship: Part 1

Yes, it is possible to create your ideal relationship. What if you don't have a current partner? Don’t worry; these steps will help you to clarify what you want so that you can create an ideal relationship. What if you are already in a relationship that is not ideal? As long as there are no deal breakers in your relationship, these steps will definitely help you!


Step 1: Know What you Really Want in an Ideal Relationship

Ha! It can’t be that easy can it? Well, it’s not. Sometimes, what we think we want is not what we actually want.  If you could take a look at your current relationship, if you are in one, and your two past previous relationships, what would you see?

Take a pen and paper out and list the similarities between your present relationship and the past two. If you are currently single, do the same with your past relationships (at least two, preferably three).  Can you see any patterns that are similar between them? 

Have you been creating the same type of partner, over and over again? That is what I did, in the past. One of the techniques that worked really well for me was to sit down and write a fake personal ad. In that ad, I listed all of the qualities of the people that I had been attracting in my life.  It wasn’t pretty.

When I saw all those negatives, I was prompted to turn around and reframe the qualities. I wrote an ad about the opposite qualities. It was much better and in the end, that is what I went on to bring into my life. When you do this exercise, you see that you are attracting what you believe you deserve. Sometimes, “your type” and what you think you wanted, are not for your higher good.

Step 2: Clear Out Your Negative Beliefs about Relationships

You know the ones I mean. “All men are scum” or for the guys “All women cheat”, or any statement that starts with “All”. Ask yourself  this: “Is that true?”.  Really. Take a good look at that. “Is that true? Do ALL men (women) __________”.  This question that you ask can be a life changer and for some people, that is all that is needed.

List the other negative beliefs that you have about relationships. I am a fan of sitcoms as well. This week, Jess on New Girl, met a new guy and he didn’t fit the profile she held in her mind about guys that she would be interested in. He was rich, kind and caring and she was used to guys who were less than that, underdogs she called them. It was difficult for her to even consider going out with him. We’ll see what happens.

Catch what you say about your exes. That will reveal a lot about how you feel about relationships. 

Step 3:  Letting Go of Old Less than Ideal Relationships

Do you still talk about your ex a lot? Do you stalk their Facebook page? Chances are, you haven’t moved on as much as you thought you had. Yes, they can be a part of your past. It is important though that you remember that they are your EX. It is done, over with…so put it in the past where it belongs and focus on creating a new fabulous relationship.

We all learn something in our relationships…feel gratitude for what you learned, for the lessons that came from being with that person, even if that is difficult to do. When you can feel gratitude for some little thing that you learned, it makes it easier to let it go…now…

Continue on to Part 2 and the final 2 critical steps to creating an ideal relationship….you'll want to catch this!


“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

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I am a Relationship Coach who helps others create happy, healthy, loving relationships…including the relationship they have with themselves…by breaking through those blocks and barriers to success. I use various techniques gathered through training as a Master Practitioner of NLP, timeline, hypnosis and common sense gathered through life experience.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Designer Rob Russo April 5, 2012, 11:24 pm

    My wife and I are talking (very briefly) to our 3.5-year-old daughter already about very basic truths, including a bit about relationships. Obviously nothing too heavy for her age… But we want her to know at a young age God has the perfect mate out there and no one should have to settle for less.

    • Sherie April 5, 2012, 11:37 pm

      Rob, it is never too early to start laying a foundation for your children. Good for you and your wife for taking this step with your child and know that by modeling a great relationship, that she will be so much further ahead. Thank you for your comment!

  • Suzanne Jones March 30, 2012, 7:33 am

    Hi Sherie, great post. I am still single by choice. I had a lot of clearing to do before it would be possible to get out there. If I didn’t I knew I would be in the same situation repeatedly.
    The unfortunate thing that people don’t realize is the ‘pattern’..that in fact not all men are idiots. Who they end up with is who they attracted based on their beliefs, etc..This is a big message for many to understand.

    • Sherie March 30, 2012, 8:57 am

      Suzanne, that is a very important realization. Most people don’t recognize the pattern and until you do, the chance of getting a different result is slim. Patterns do repeat. Thank you for your comment!

  • Stacy March 28, 2012, 7:54 pm

    Great advice!

    • Sherie March 28, 2012, 8:06 pm

      Thank you, Stacy!

  • denny hagel March 28, 2012, 7:48 pm

    Choosing a life partner is one of the most important choices we will ever make. What you have provided here are excellent points to consider and work through to be able to make the right choice. Thanks!

    • Sherie March 28, 2012, 8:06 pm

      It is a critical choice, isn’t it? Thank you, Denny!

  • Sara Nickleberry March 28, 2012, 10:12 am

    When I was in middle school, my Mom sat me down and talked to me about relationships and choosing a mate. She told me it was time to think about the type of qualities I would want in my future husband. Some people may think that’s early, but it made me very selective about dating, (which I didn’t do until I was almost 17). I think she did the right thing 🙂

    • Sherie March 28, 2012, 10:22 am

      Sara, how lucky were you to have a Mom like that? : D She definitely did do the right thing!

    • Eva Blaskovic March 31, 2012, 11:13 pm

      Sara, what a wise mom you had! And middle school is not too early. In fact, even an earlier age for a general discussion about relationships is not a bad idea (kids tend to listen to parents and still do a lot to please them in grade 5 and 6)–to give kids insight into how they should be treated by others, what’s considered a friend, and what qualities would be important.

      • Sherie March 31, 2012, 11:24 pm

        Very good advice, Eva!