Anger scares
us. That is normal.
As a small child, I can remember shaking in my boots when my Dad got angry. There is nothing scarier to a kid than a 6 foot tall adult man yelling at them.
Anger makes us afraid that we are out of control. I have heard depression explained as anger turned inward…and from what I have seen, I believe that is at least partly true.
When we don’t feel safe to express anger, it is so simple to become angry at ourselves…and then become depressed.
Is Anger Ever a Good Thing?
Yes. It can be. That is not license to commit violence. Anger is an emotion. Violence is an act. Being angry does not have to be equivalent to committing a violent act.
Anger is never an excuse for that. Never.
Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.
Aristotle
Anger has its place in our bag of emotions. It is a natural human emotion. An emotion is a feeling in motion. So, yes, there are moments when anger is appropriate and is a good thing.
Anger at social injustice is a good thing.
Anger at bullying is a good thing.
Anger at senseless acts of crime is a good thing.
Anger in a person who is depressed is a good thing.
These are self explanatory…these reasons…except for possibly the anger that occurs in a person who has been depressed.
When a depressed person becomes angry at their situation, then they gain some power. They gain the energy of the emotion…the feeling in motion…so, it becomes possible to move from that stuck state of depression.
An Anger Push: A Tale of Moving Forward
Depression is a stuck state, like being mired in the mud. Let me be clear here. I am referring to depression that is situational…that is based in the way a person thinks…not clinical depression that is caused by a chemical imbalance.
So…imagine it like this…there is a tractor…a big green, John Deere tractor and it is stuck…up to its big, black sturdy tires in the deep, dark, wet mud. It has been sitting there idling…and the wheels spin ever y time it is put into gear and the farmer tries to drive it forward.
Then…a friend comes along…and puts his shoulder to the wheel and gives that tractor a little nudge…and it boots out of the mud and onto the pasture…where the grass is green and there is a well laid out track.
The tractor is free because of the extra push…that little bit of momentum that got it out of that terrible, dark place. And anger can be that little push…that little extra piece that gives that situational depression the heave ho…so that the person who is suffering from that stuck state can get moving…
And you know that physics law…the one that says that an object in motion stays in motion? Well, it’s just like that…
So, yes, there are times when anger is a good thing…times when it is totally appropriate to be angry…and again, let me restate…NOT to be violent…so own all of your emotions…and when you feel that anger coming up…use it to move you forward…use the energy of the anger to get you moving…to get you past what you need to get past….that’s right…
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
Sherie
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I love the quote Sherie! I totally agree with you. Anger is emotion and taking control means we should know when and how to let it out so that things don’t get blown out of proportion.
Thanks, Edmund, appreciate your comment!
For myself anger is not a good emotion. When I get angry I have to slow down and pray then find the root cause. Generally it’s something within me that I need to change.
Michael McDonald recently posted..Focus and paying attention
Thanks for your insight, Michael…it’s always good to find out what the root cause of emotions is…
“When a depressed person becomes angry at their situation, then they gain some power.” I’ve seen this happen over and over… “when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change…” Great post!
Norma, thank you, so much! : D
I agree…anger can be an instrument for growth and change! Of course it can and often does reap ugly rewards as well. But having an awareness in anger can do wonders! Great article, Sherie!!
Carl Mason-Liebenberg recently posted..A Healthy Mindset Creates a Merry Christmas
Carl, like everything, it is in how you utilize it, right? Thanks so much for your comment, I appreciate it! : D
Excellent article about anger. You have explained it well how anger can be controlled and used as a pwerful tool for positive things. Thanks for sharing.
Lorii, thank you, my dear, I appreciate you commenting!
Becoming very anger at a senseless act of Violence made me very depressed for a long time. I was so afraid of the way I reacted to the act of another that I was afraid of myself for a very long time. It didn’t matter how many people told me that it was a normal reaction. I was deeply ashamed of my rage and violent thoughts. After a while it did sink in that any one would react this way. Thanks for Sharing this Sherie! I hope it saves a person from feeling like I did about their anger!
Elizabeth L Maness recently posted..Using Twitter for Business -Tweeting Your Way To The Top
Big hugs, Elizabeth….yes, that rage turned inward is very scary…when we accept those emotions, they lose their power over us. You have certainly turned that around, my dear!
I love the metaphor Sherie, it really drives the point home. I also love the anger/depression breakdown. It is true, as long as there is anger, there is emotion which will make it easier to break through..Great post!
Thank you, my dear!
Anger certainly does have its place – thanks for the great advice on how to put it work for positive results.
Shirley, it does have its place…you’re welcome and thanks for reading it and commenting!
Absolutely anger can be a good thing! It’s necessary to move past those feelings, otherwise you’ll stay STUCK. Thanks for this Sherie, I’m sure it helped a lot of people!
Kelly Green recently posted..Create Your Profitable Brand Vision With These 3 Steps
And staying stuck doesn’t get you anywhere! Love that, Kelly!
Thank you for your article. I agree it is important to express it. It is normal to have some. Once it is release, we are ok after. As long as we don’t get mad at someone who was not the cause of that anger. I see that all the time.
Yes, we certainly can’t direct that anger at someone…that doesn’t work!
Thank you for this…anger can be ok….small doses 🙂
Ruby recently posted..Busy Moms Only!!
Thanks for your comment, Ruby!
Anger can be a good thing Sherie as you said but realizing it and knowing how to deal with it properly can be the hard part. Understand your anger so you can react positively.
That’s right, Terressa!
Thanks for the article Sherie! Loved the John Deere tractor’s, it is really like that “an extra push” and things get moving!
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It is, isn’t it, Meire?? Thanks so much for your comment!
Anger is especially difficult for women — as a kid I had a choice, I could be angry or I could be nice. I chose the latter and then learned to own and embrace my anger in my 30s. Nice post, Sherie!
Meryl Hershey Beck recently posted..You Should’t Should On Yourself
Yep…so many people get stuck in that choice. Thanks so much for your comment, Meryl! : D
For many years I felt I had no where to express anger appropriately – so I bottled it up, stuffed it, ignored it – In the last 5-6 I have found my anger! I do have to be careful that it doesn’t come spewing out (generally after bottling again) but I find it is very energetic and I always feel better when I have expressed it instead of keeping it in – still working on ways to effectively express it without it affecting others. Thanks for the post.
Estelle recently posted..Free Ebooks
Anger can be very energetic, and yes, we do need to control it and use it to our advantage. Thanks so much for your comment, Estelle, I appreciate it!
Thanks Sherie for a great post. I love how we can use our anger to drive us forward to the goals we desire.
jean recently posted..Create The Holiday Season You Desire
We really can, Jean. Thanks for your comment!
Anger can be scary for me. Thanks for a great post.
You’re welcome, Sally, thanks for reading and commenting!
I have found anger to be a motivator in my life, for awhile I tried to ignore it as it felt negative and unpleasant…this of course led to depression. Once I learned to recognize its value and put it to work for me in a positive way I actually found that I do not get angry as much…I tend to go more directly to the positive action. Thanks for sharing this important article !
denny hagel recently posted..5 Easy Steps to Teach Your Children How to Be Patient!
Isn’t it amazing how that can change? Love your insights, Denny, my dear!
I love the question, “Is there any value to anger?” You open with “Anger scares us,” and this is–or was–certainly my case for a long time. My own anger scared me and was unpleasant, and other people’s anger terrified me. (You’re right about there being nothing more terrifying to a small child than a large, angry parent.) I could not turn my anger into a good purpose, as some people could (maybe because I had witnessed the negative, uncontrolled variety at a young age). Anger ran me down rather than giving me strength, and all I wanted was to dissipate it, which I learned to do extremely quickly to spare myself the pain of feeling this emotion. Besides, the way we were brought up, women weren’t supposed to display anger, and angry women were often misinterpreted, disrespected, and/or dismissed. Either way, even a private, quiet anger was something I had not yet learned to use.
Well, one day things changed. Anger became harnessable, useful–a tool. Suddenly, anger fed me rather than sapped me. Anger pumped adrenaline through me so I could stay awake for extended hours in order to attain my goals; anger gave me strength to stand my ground with my values and needs, and to face resistant people with my purpose; anger was at once a suit of armour and a fire inside (“Tranquil as a forest, but a fire within” – song from Mulan); anger helped me find words to express situations and find solutions to them; anger merged with determination to create something that ultimately brought me joy and satisfaction, or at least closure. I accomplished so much good using anger, or at least faced that which needed to be faced–everything that infuriated me I turned into something constructive for my children, my writing, and myself. Much of the time, people didn’t necessarily know I was angry. It was simply a hidden, smouldering source of constant energy that kept me on track, pushing through all obstacles.
Properly used, anger can be useful. But I find it keeps a person on high alert–in the fight or flight response–and if this goes on too long, it is harmful to the body. I carefully state that anger, for me, became a tool. You have to control it, rather than it controlling you.
Eva Blaskovic recently posted..Investment: It Applies to People
Eva, you make so many good points, especially how for a lot of women, it was unacceptable to ever show anger in any form. You share a very powerful story with us, beautifully written and expressed. Yes, anger is useful if properly used and not misused…because you’re right…it must be controlled…such a heartfelt comment, Eva…thank you.
Thanks, Sherie. This is a great article and you hit so many important points besides the fear thing, such as the difference between anger as an emotion and violence as an act, and anger turned inward becoming depression (and also the difference between situational depression and a chemical imbalance).
Eva Blaskovic recently posted..Do We Understand the Value of Custom Work?
Thank you….
Fantastic post, Sherie!
Anger is something we all must deal with at times. We all have memories of what can happen when anger gets away from us. The best way to deal with it is to put it to work!
Absolutely, Rob!