There can be pain, remorse, regret…a feeling that something has died for you.
Are your emotions on a roller coaster ride?
Do you feel ecstatic and excited one moment because “yes, I’m finally free and can my life on my own terms!” and then the next moment feel “Oh my god, what have I done? I’ll never meet anyone ever again or be happy??”
I’ve been there. Most of us have. Because having a failed relationship…or even more than one…is not uncommon.
Especially if you started off on the wrong foot and had a relationship with someone that you didn’t have values in common with…or began a serious relationship with someone you didn’t know very well…or fell in love with who you thought a person was…not the reality of who they were.
These 5 Ways to Recover
- Acceptance. Once you accept that the relationship is done…that it’s over…and that there is no going back, you gain peace…because then you are free to move on.
- Forgive yourself and your partner. No matter what your partner has done, forgiving them is a gift that you give to yourself. It doesn’t mean that you agree with what they did…just that you are willing to let it go…so that you can move on…
- Learn what you did wrong. Accept your part in the failed relationship, even if it was as simple as picking the wrong person. You can’t go back and change the past but you can learn from it….and you need to…so that you don’t repeat it. Because we all know that if we don’t get the lesson, we’ll keep on making the same mistakes…until we do…
- Create a vivid new future…full of possibilities…and do it with big, bright vivid pictures…with hope and big dreams…see yourself happy…
- Choose power instead of victimhood. Often people who have a failed relationship feel that they were a victim, somehow. The point of power lies in releasing any feelings of being a victim…no matter what the circumstances.
Taking What You’ve Learned From Your Failed Relationship
Now that you’ve had that failed relationship, you probably know so much better what you don’t want…and that is a huge step in the direction of knowing what you really, really do want.
Clarify your values. What is important to you in a relationship? Is it loyalty, fun, freedom, fidelity, financial stability, acceptance, passion, companionship, or something else? What is it for you?
Can you look past the outer wrapping…the package that the person comes in…and see the aspects and values that matter to you…in the other person?
I knew someone who would only date men who were over 6 feet tall, with brown hair and blue eyes. She overlooked anyone else who didn’t meet those standards. That’s not what counts! Really. It’s about personality, values, having goals in common…finding someone that you can share a life with…who can be a partner…
Know that you can have what you want in a partner…and be happy…and know peace…let go of that failed relationship (or more than one)…let go of those emotions of failure…and when you are finally ready to stop beating yourself up because you did fail…then you can move forward and create a new life…a new relationship…that is so much better than the one before…really.
Then you can step out with confidence, pride and peace…raise those standards…and be ready to accept the success that you deserve…
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
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