Yet…if you are a perfectionist…you might be getting in your own way…and keeping yourself bound up in the chains of perfectionism…and that’s no way to be happy, is it?
There are many talented artists whose work never gets shown to the world. Their paintings languish unfinished in the corners of their work rooms. Their talent is not in question. However, they think that they need to be perfect.
So, you say that you’re not an artist. I disagree. I believe that you are the artist of your own life. : D I think that we are all creators of our life…that our lives are the results of the actions we have taken…of the beliefs that we have…the negative beliefs and the empowering beliefs…
Our lives are the result of the decisions that we made and the decisions that we didn’t make…and for people who are perfectionists, there is difficulty in making decisions.
Decisions can be easy. Not for a perfectionist. Making the decision to complete a work…to complete an activity…to do this…or to do that…can often be impossible…and that is where the difficulty lies.
“Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.”Anne Wilson Schaef
Perfectionist or an Avoider?
In our society, calling ourselves a perfectionist is often a status symbol. If you thought of yourself as someone who was an avoider, you might have a different view of being a perfectionist, wouldn’t you?
Let’s imagine that there is a woman called Ellen. She loves to write and has had a dream to write the great American novel. She has three unfinished manuscripts sitting in her desk drawer. Once a year, she gets enthusiastic and sits down and writes another manuscript.
She leaves them like that because she doesn’t believe that they are good enough. They stay in their rough draft state…they remain unedited…barely read over…she doesn’t let anyone else read them or critique those manuscripts.
Ellen really wants to have that book published but it doesn’t happen. The books are never perfect enough…not good enough for anyone to even read. And here is the thing, there isn’t even an option for them to be “good enough”…because her perfectionist tendencies…that unrealistic expectation that these manuscripts meet a standard …a gold standard…an impossible standard…can’t be met.
The manuscripts stay in that drawer…
The #1 Question to Help You Free Your Inner Perfectionist
Here is the question that Ellen needs to ask herself and maybe one you need to ask…too…
What Would Happen If_______?
- You finished that book.
- You created that relationship.
- You completed that project.
- You asked that person out.
- You allowed yourself to be successful.
When that question is asked, and that future imagined….there often is fear underlying it. Perfection is just a smoke screen for fear…for what would happen if that project/book/relationship…you name it…actually was achieved.
Because if you really believed that it would be a positive thing to complete it…that there would be no judgements…that there would be nothing to fear…no repercussions…you would do it, wouldn’t you??
So, take out a pen and paper…and write down all the things that you think would happen…the good…the bad…the ugly…because in those things is the answer to the obstacle that is keeping you stuck in being a perfectionist. We keep ourselves stuck because we feel safe there…
And when you know what that obstacle, that limiting belief is…then you can imagine that you can shrink it down…make it so small…that it is like a speck of dust…that you can send reeling off into space…with just the smallest push of breath…that’ s right…
So ask…and see what lies underneath…because you were avoiding in the past…and no one is perfect….are they, really?
So just free that part of you…let that perfectionist go…just because you can…and let all that shiny, brilliant, happiness in…see it shining…breaking through the windows of your life…just like the brightest sun…
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
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