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Father’s Day. ItA good father has special significance in our family.

That was the day that I married my best friend, my companion, my soul mate (yes, just one person!).

We didn’t intend to marry on Father’s Day. We had planned for the Saturday before.

My brother and his family couldn’t come that day. So we switched to the next available date… Sunday, June the 16th.

That day, we celebrated the joining of our lives with our daughters beside us. That day, we became a family.

This year, our anniversary falls once again on Father’s Day…and I am reminded once again of one of the qualities about my husband that I love the most. [click to continue…]

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When I firstdetective started learning about NLP, I didn’t know that my childhood love of mysteries and detective stories was going to play out this way in people’s lives.

My love of the stories of Sherlock Holmes and unravelling mysteries through the adventures of Doctor Who…well…they don’t compare to the satisfaction of unravelling the mystery of why a person keeps creating the same results in their lives.

People can create relationship anxiety, phobias, failures in career or relationships, depression…whether they know that they are creating it or not…through limiting beliefs and strategies that don’t work. They want to create a different kind of life…and quite often feel that their hands are tied.

They want to be able to create able to create the life that seems impossible to achieve…a far off dream…

That’s where being a detective and NLP both come in…

Because when you have a client…and you know that NLP is the key to getting at the root of the problem…you have to get to the root of the problem.

You need to know what questions to ask.

You need to know when to ask the questions…so that it makes the most difference.

You have to look for clues.

You have to follow the clues.

When you find the problem, you can’t dig too deep…because you don’t need to go into a trauma in order to release it…or trigger a phobia in order to let it go…that is the simple beauty of Neuro Linguistic Programming.

It can be easy to let go of limiting beliefs…and simple.

So the questions are important. So is the way you ask the questions, the way that you frame them.

What kinds of questions do you ask yourself on a regular basis?

Are you able to play detective in your own life…to get to the root of anything that you want to change?

Because you can…

Sit still….think of what you want…think of what you don’t want…and ask yourself “Why is it that I really don’t have this?”

What answer comes up?

You might be surprised.

“The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.” ―Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

 

Be your own detective…do some sleuthing…so that you can find out what lies underneath those behaviors and habits…you might choose to keep the ones that work…and let go of the ones that don’t…because life would be a lot more fun, that way, wouldn’t it?

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

 

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Relationship anxietyrelationship anxiety
is a huge factor in a lot of people’s lives…and it seems to becoming more common…

I talk to a lot of people…both men and women…about relationship anxiety. In fact…it is the number one reason that my clients come to me.

Feeling anxious can have its roots in trauma…in limiting beliefs…in trigger events that were set up in previous relationships.

The Biggest Problem with Feeling Anxious about Relationships

The biggest issue these types of anxious feelings is that it gets you to think that you can’t have what you want. It makes you feel helpless…powerless…and that future that you want is out of your reach.

And that’s sad.

When I was a little girl, we lived in Germany because my Dad was in the Royal Canadian Air Force and that is where he was stationed.
It was so picturesque. Imagine, if you will….cobblestone lined streets…with houses with shutters…and a quaint little store that sold the most wonderful, candies and chocolates.

I remember the feeling that I had…as a little child…standing outside of that frosted glass window…looking in to see the brilliant, colorful line up of fruit jellies, mints, sour balls, licorice…and chocolates.

I had such a feeling of longing…of wanting to go in and have that candy…and yet…I couldn’t convince my baby sitter to let me go in…even to just have a look.

That feeling of longing…of not being able to reach through the glass…to see those candies…in all of their glory…just so close…and yet so far…to want to be able to walk up to the counter and pick out the exact candies that I wanted…to have them in that little brown bag with my hands tightly holding on…

That is the same feeling that some sufferers of relationship anxiety have…they really can see it…they want to have that relationship…yet…it’s like this thick glass wall….right there…holding them back…and feeling that there is nothing that they can do.

When you’re a child, you are dependent on others and the permission that they give you. So…getting through that barrier and reaching the reward is not as easy as it could be.

When you are an adult…you have a choice…you can break through that barrier…that glass…and reach what you desire…the candy…or the relationship…without the relationship anxiety…

This Simple Exercise to Reduce Those Anxious Feelings

So imagine…what if it could be so easy…to break through that glass wall of relationship anxiety…

If you wish…you can imagine that you have done exactly that…that you have an imaginary hammer…and that you have taken a big swing and broken through that wall…that you can hear the shattering of that wall…the tinkle of the glass as it falls down around your feet…and then…step through…to what you really want.

broken glass

Now…for some…visualization like that is enough to weaken the relationship anxiety…so that they can let it go…

Others might need to do more work than that…

So, if you feel that way…if being in a relationship makes you feel anxious…or just thinking about being in a relationship brings those feelings up…realize that it is temporary…that it doesn’t need to be forever…and that you can have what you want…really…

Decide that you will get to the root of the issue. Decide that you do deserve to have that love. Decide that there is no time like the present to let that relationship anxiety go…now…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

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Are you finding Relationship Sabotaging Business Success
it easy to be successful in both your business and your relationships….or not?

So many people are creating businesses…and when they do…they start off with great dreams.

Those dreams can come to a screeching halt, though, if the people in our lives don’t support those dreams.

Surprisingly (or maybe not), often it is the people closest to us who are the ones who are negative, who create drama…and just plain undermine those business plans.

I had the opportunity to speak with Lisa Birnesser about this subject. I hope you give it a listen!

Here are some of the topics that we covered and questions that Lisa asked.

  • As a relationship coach, are you seeing and increased strain in relationships due to a growing number of entrepreneurs?
  • As business owners, we are constantly working at self- improvement by reading or listening to thought leaders. Have you seen incidences where one person outgrows the other?
  • What are some of the warning signs your mate might be sabotaging your business success?
  • You wrote an article on “crab in the bucket” syndrome. Can you explain a little bit more about what that is?
  • What can you do when your mate doesn’t support your dreams?
  • In a relationship there are always two sides. What are some of the choices the entrepreneur might make that contribute to relationship problems?
  • What are some strategies to deal with these types of relationship issues?

And very much more….we packed a lot of information into a half hour…

 

 

Listen to internet radio with LisaBirnesser on Blog Talk Radio
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Is anybodyThe importance of listening in relationships
listening in your relationship?

Or are you both trying to prove a point…or be right…first?

Everybody needs to be heard…and we all need someone to listen to us…don’t we?

When people are first in relationship with each other…whether it is a romantic partnership…or another type of relationship…they hang on to every word that’s spoken.

They listen intently.

They listen for hints…for clues…for messages…

Yet, with time…listening begins to slow down…and for some…it stops altogether…like a clock that needs to be wound up…

Listening Problems

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”  Stephen R. Covey

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone…and you could almost feel that they were just nodding their head and waiting for an opportunity…an opening…a space to just jump in with their opinion?

Have you ever felt that you were talking to a brick wall? That no matter what you said…or how upset you were…that there was no reaction?

There are many ways to not listen…

When people talk listen completely

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”  Ernest Hemingway

We have the illusion of listening…because we are so busy with our own thoughts…that race through our minds…that we aren’t completely focused on what the other is saying…

How to Listen More Effectively

  • Be still and quiet your own mind. Tell those thought to settle down…and really focus on those words that are being spoken…watch the body language…the expressions on their face…
  • Don’t interrupt (unless there is a very good reason to…)
  • Hear without judging or making any assumptions about what is being said…just listen…
  • Clarify what you’ve heard. Ask questions…and see if what you’ve heard and understand is what they intended for you to hear…

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia

Yes, listen…because listening is a form of respect. It is acknowledging that the other is important…and they must be…if you are continuing to be in relationship with them.

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” Bryant H. McGill

It sounds simple…listen…and be listening…yet, it isn’t as simple as it seems. How often do we ignore listening to ourselves and that still, small voice that we have inside…our intuition…our gut feelings?

So, listen…without judgement. Reflect back what you’ve heard…be clear…and then go from there…

We all need to feel that we are important…because we are…and when we are genuinely listened to…and we listen…then that happens…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

 

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