I hear this
belief too many times.
It is the most common one that both male and female clients bring to me.
“I am not good enough”. It can manifest in so many ways…
When You Believe that You are not Good Enough
- Your relationships are fragile
- Your boundaries are weak
- Your dreams are just out of reach
- You feel powerless to make the changes you want
Perhaps, for some people there are moments when they feel successful even if they have this limiting belief. Often, though, it is fleeting…because here is the thing…if you really believed that you were good enough…would you get in your own way…and perhaps sabotage your life…unconsciously…
Because for my clients…when they have that belief of not being good enough…the pattern has been this:
- They work hard and do all the “right” things.
- They are happy for a while, feeling like they are succeeding.
- Chaos steps in and their life (in this area) begins to unravel.
And the cycle repeats itself. ..because they can’t really be successful long term.
“And it’s easy to believe you are not good enough if you listen to everybody else.” Mackenzie Astin
What Does Believing You are not Good Enough Look Like?
Let’s talk about an imaginary client. His name is Jim. He decides that it is time in his life to have an amazing relationship. He sets out all of his requirements on a vision board…does positive affirmations…visualizes daily…and lo and behold…in a short matter of time…there she is…the answer to his dreams.
Macy and Jim are happy and they date for a while. After they fall in love, they decide to get engaged and start to plan a wedding. Now…here…it all begins to unravel…they begin to fight…their individual needs stop being met…
Boundaries get weaker. Jim begins to compromise too much. Macy becomes more demanding, day after day. There is a lot of being taken for granted. They start to fight…each one wanting the other to bend…there is a power struggle…and finally…
One day, it all comes to a head…the conflict is too much…it is too intense…and one of them decides to call the whole thing off…
Now…on paper, it looked good. They loved each other; they had so much in common…they were headed for wedded bliss. But underneath it all, there was that nasty limiting belief “I am not good enough” and what it did was cause one or the other of them to behave in ways that would push the other partner away.
When there is that limiting belief, there is an underlying current…then…when they least expect it… it jumps up and overwhelms…. Not all relationships end because there is that limiting belief. However, the ones that don’t end with that limiting belief living in the head of one or both of the relationship partners…can be painful…can be hurtful…
So, I tell my clients to let that limiting belief go…we work on the origin of it…find the root cause and pull it out…because no one needs to believe that…do they?
Everyone is good enough…just because we are…just being in existence on this planet makes us good enough. Realize your wonderfulness…you were meant to be here…there is no one like you…anywhere…revel in the magnificence of who you are…just catch a glimpse…and know that you really are good enough…you always were…you just needed a reminder…tune into it…and here it is…
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
Sherie
Latest posts by Sherie (see all)
- The Truth About Getting Beyond Survival Mode in a Crisis - April 6, 2014
- Overcoming Emotional Pain: Easy or Not? - March 2, 2014
- If You Can Do This Like A Navy Seal, Then You Can Knock Out Stress - November 3, 2013
Comments on this entry are closed.
What a wonderful reminder to love ourselves for no other reason than being who we are. Not feeling good enough is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. When I was young I was chubby, and my grandmother suggested to my mom that I “loose some weight.” When I was in college I made a decision to get fit and healthy and I lost close to 20 pounds, and all of a sudden my grandmother was telling me I “was too skinny.” When I brough home a B+ I was always told, “well, there is always room for an A next time.” So I have heard this message over and over again in so many different ways from so many different people. Well I just recently finished my Master’s degree (because a Bachelors just “wasn’t good enough for me). I am engaged to a wonderful man who loves and supports me (although he is 6 years older than me and I find myself not feeling good enough for him too…I don’t make as much money, I can’t contribute as much as I’d like to our household, things of that nature). I need to stop and remind myself that I am succeeding, just being who I am, without anyone’s help. I am good enough, and I will get to where I want to be. I am a therapist, my Masters degree is in Counseling, and I need to take the advice I give to my clients and be patient with myself. Nothing great happens over night, and we are always a work in progress. So while I will continue to strive to do better, and improve upon myself, I will start doing it for me, and because I want to, not because I don’t feel good enough when compared to other people. Thanks for the mood lifter today!
Emily, thank you so much for your kind words! You know, people think that they are helping children when they give that message to strive for more and more…instead of creating that wonderful feeling of being good enough. It’s one thing to know that the advice that you are giving your clients is right…and another thing to take it for yourself. What a wonderful statement that you made here “Nothing great happens over night, and we are always a work in progress. So while I will continue to strive to do better, and improve upon myself, I will start doing it for me, and because I want to, not because I don’t feel good enough when compared to other people.” Right on and way to go, Emily!!!
Sherie recently posted..Needy and Desperate? This Simple Guide to Feel Confident in Your Relationships
This is great! I was feeling not good enough at my workplace because I am a fresh grad and inexperienced. My colleagues has been working as a team for quite some time, thus, there are times when I felt left out in a conversation or going to places. I know it is just me because it takes time to adjust, for them and for me as well. I have to be patience which is why I came across your article while searching on google. Thank you for your reminder! 🙂
It does take time to adjust! Thanks for commenting!
Sherie recently posted..These Relationship Lessons from Downton Abbey
Thank you for sharing such an inspiring post! It is so important to not only love ourselves, but to really feel that we are more than enough! I love coming and reading your great words of wisdom 🙂
Susan Preston recently posted..The Secret In Getting From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be
Awww…Susan, thanks, I am so glad that you come over and read my posts! Big hugs!!
Awesome article Sherie! This is such a common struggle and I agree that when you think you are not good enough, your world just turns into a place full of thorns – painful and miserable. Thankfully there is a solution.
There really is a solution, Edmund! Thanks so much for your insights, really appreciate them!
Sherie, I think you provided very insightful information about identifying qualities a person may not realize they possess that may be holding them back. Thanks for the encouragement. Great post!
Thanks so much, Sarah!
I love the topic of Limiting Beliefs! I think my other favorite is our ‘story’. I love seeing breakthroughs and have had many myself, which is perhaps the reason I love this topic so much. Ultimately, breaking free does not have to be hard!
Suzanne Jones recently posted..I Was Told I Needed To Get Educated Because I Disagreed With A Doctor
I agree that it doesn’t need to be hard, Suzanne. : D
Realizing you ARE good enough is so empowering! It’s amazing what can happen when you believe.
It is amazing, isn’t it, Sara? <3
Thank you for your insights. That puts a lot into perspective. I can think of many examples in my life and around me where such limiting beliefs cause destruction.
Julie recently posted..Military Wives
Julie, imagine what we could do if we didn’t have those limiting beliefs? Thanks for your comment! : D
Powerful post for a problem we all face at some point in our lives. Inner Brilliance…love it!
Anita recently posted..Women’s Business Leadership and The Wealthy Mindset
Thank you, Anita!
You touched the core of everybody’s struggle and that is that we don’t feel good enough which usually comes from that we compare ourselves with others. We are all gifted in a way that others are not; when we focus on that we will be able to live with great fulfillment. Thanks Sherie…
Love your insights, thank you, Olga!
Your article really strikes a nerve with me. Some comments talked about self medicating and I did that for many years. Now I can’t imagine feeling like I used to feel. I know how good I am and my mind is clear. Now it’s all perspective, mindset and prayer along with humility. Thanks for sharing.
Michael, you are such an inspiration! I love how you say that you can’t imagine feeling like you used to feel…that, my friend, is brilliant!
Sherie you did a great job with this post. Self-esteem is key in all of our relationships — without it, the relationship becomes a one-way street.
Pamela Gail Johnson recently posted..The Happiness of Thankfulness
It really is! Thanks so much for your insights, Pamela!
This is truly an incredible article! I wish every parent could read this…self-esteem and self-perception are the absolute key…well done Sherie!
denny hagel recently posted..Tips on How to Answer Kid’s Difficult Questions
Denny, yes, we agree!! And thank you, my dear!
Sherie, that is the most limiting belief of all. That we are somehow not good enough. I’m curious. Does everyone come into the world thinking that? It does seem to be SO prevalent 🙁
Martha Giffen recently posted..How Simple Gratitude Can Increase Your Online Business
Martha, it is SO prevalent and common…I don’t believe that is universal, though…
I love this post and as someone who spent decades with that belief, I so appreciate your tips and your closing image/saying!! We are good enough for all the reasons you listed and when we embrace that – truly embrace it – our lives open to a whole new world of possibilities.
Lisa Frederiksen – BreakingTheCycles.com recently posted..Courage to Change the Things I Can
And there are so many possibilities, aren’t there, Lisa? So appreciate your comment!
Those limited beliefs can hold us back. Sometimes people feel so strongly that they are not good enough, that they self medicate to ease the pain. Good reminder, Sherie to get to the root of the problem so that years aren’t wasted being frustrated and disappointed. Thanks for sharing.
Cathy Taughinbaugh recently posted..Treatment Talk Monthly Message – October 2012
Yes, people do use self medication to cover up the pain, sometimes…thank so much for your comment, Cathy!
Oh, yes, Sherie, those limiting beliefs can cause havoc…and sometimes they are so deeply imbedded that we really believe they are the truth. Great article!
Meryl Hershey Beck recently posted..Recipe to Halt Emotional Eating
Exactly, Meryl! Thank you for your insights!
Thank you for sharing your expertise so we are mindful of how negative thinking can manifest itself in self-sabotage. Excellent explanation on a deeper level of how this can happen.
Terree, thank you for reading and commenting…I appreciate your insights. : D
Some limiting beliefs are so insidious … because they’re so easily masked as other things. That’s where a good coach is so important … especially one who can ferret out those beliefs as well as their cause. Great article, Sherie!
Sharon O’Day recently posted..Comment on Financial Security: Ode to Selfishness by Terree Rola
Right on, Sharon! What a great way to put it! : D Thank you!
Thanks for a great post!
Estelle recently posted..Articles by Coach Estelle
You’re welcome and thanks for reading!
Very true, Sherie. These limiting beliefs just stop us in our tracks. Thanks for the reminder and reinforcement!
Michael Anne Conley recently posted..Women Healing Women: Is This Your Time for the Power of Group?
Michael Anne, I really appreciate that, thank you so much!
Sherie, Thank you for your thoughtful research about relationships and communication! I look forward to learning more from you! Sincerely, Ryan Smith
Ryan, glad to connect with you, too, and thanks! : D
Can totally relate to this post Sherie. As someone who spent a lot of time believing I wasn’t good enough I can agree with all the downfalls here. I love your focus on the limiting belief. Pulling it out is a powerful way to deal with it!
Carolyn Hughes recently posted..No need to hide.
It is, Carolyn. Look at how far you’ve come…isn’t that amazing?
Great post. We are all good enough and should encourage each other more. Say positive, kind words to build people up and to make them feel they are worthy of everything good and are enough just as they are. Thanks for sharing.
We are all good enough, aren’t we? : D Thanks for commenting, Barbara!
Such an inspiring article, Sherie. Yes, what a difference it makes when one believes they are good enough! We all are good enough! I love what you tell your clients: “we work on the origin of it…find the root cause and pull it out…because no one needs to believe that…do they?” Excellent! Thank you, Sherie!
Alexandra McAllister recently posted..Business Or A Job….Which Do You Believe Is Better?
Alexandra, it does make such a difference! Thank you, my dear! <3