Is your
relationship
suffering from lack of focus?
Does it feel scattered? Does your relationship feel like it has a life of its own and if it were a person, it would be diagnosed with attention deficit disorder?
Before I had children, I was extremely focused. When they came along, I swear that my memory was horrible, I had a hard time focusing on tasks and it took a long time to get ordinary chores done.
Partly, it was because of the lack of sleep.
Most of it, though, was due to interruptions. The phone would ring (constantly), there were trips back and forth to school, there were meetings, play dates, my job, dropping the kids off at sports events, meals to be made…the list goes on and on…
The same factors affect our relationships, don’t they…being so busy…that there is no time or priority given to your relationships…with children…with family…or with your partner.
Getting Laser Focused on Your Relationship
Let’s say you have made a decision to spend some time with your significant other. You go out to dinner at a good restaurant. If you want a boost in your connection level, do this to minimize distractions and interruptions:
- Stop multitasking…no…when you are on the phone putting out fires at work while having dinner with your sweetheart…that is not quality time, is it?
- Stop texting. Whoever is on the end of your phone can wait. If you are having a conversation with someone, ignore the sound of a text coming in. There is no rule that says that texts need to be answered immediately.
- Stop scrolling through your social media. That’s right. Yes…social media plays a BIG part in our life today and I am grateful for the connection that it provides with all my friends/family/clients that live miles away. However, there is a time and a place for social media.
- Stop checking your email. It’s the same idea as no texting, isn’t it? Have a regular time for doing that; schedule it for a time when you’re not with your sweetheart.
- Stop talking about the kids. Find a common interest that you can talk about and you could even talk about what you appreciate about each other.
Your relationship deserves to have boundaries to protect it, just like you have boundaries…if a relationship is not nurtured and protected, it will falter….
Relationship Connections Are Made These 7 Ways
So, I have given you a laundry list of what not to do…what can you do to feel more connected?
- Look into each other’s eyes.
- Touch/hug. Even the brief touch of fingertips across a table is a way of connecting. We all need touch.
- Smile at each other. Laugh with each other.
- Share a 6 second kiss with each other, daily.
- Text, email or phone each other throughout the day, but not when you’re sitting across the table from each other. ; )
- Walk together.
- Share what you are grateful for. I know a couple who write down 5 things they are grateful for in a journal each evening…and then they share that with each other. It is a beautiful experience because that gratitude sheds its light on your relationship…
There is a great reward in slowing down and allowing yourself to focus on your relationship…to feel more connected to your partner…you can have that…if you have the basics there…love…shared values…then it is easy to get that laser focus back…and feel those feelings again…
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
Sherie
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Great tips Sherie! It’s great that you talk about really being with your partner, instead of just in the same room only talking or texting. It seems like common sense to pay attention to the person in the room, but it always amazes me at how much more important we think it is to answer the text instead.
Helena recently posted..Keep it Real! Put Your Personality Into Your Marketing
You would think it would be easy to see, wouldn’t you, Helena? ; D
Sherie recently posted..Finding Peace in the Aftermath of a Failed Relationship
I got a funny story for you… my better half and I work and live together, spending often 24/7 with each other. Never splitting without a kiss and a “love you”. But we are also geeks/nerds…
So one of these nights we are at dinner at our local fav place, both on our tablet browsing, answering emails, what ever. A (drunken) guest says to us: “most be a pretty screwed relationship you hev, having dinner but instead of talking being on your devices” and I had to tell him “not as screwed up as you think” (he had just yelled at his girlfriend on the phone 10 minutes before)
Relationships can look wagged to you, yes..especially ours. 21 years age difference, sitting at dinner on our tabs..but you know what?! We never fight, not once in the over five years we are together, yes we might have a dif opinion once in a while but we discuss it and one changes or we agree to disagree..
We can spend 24/7…7 days a week with each other without annoying us and always have something to talk about…
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Yvonne, thanks for your insights. There is always an exception to the “being on devices” rule…and since you are together 7 days a week, you probably have lots of together time. Most couples don’t have that luxury. They work at jobs in different places and often, have different shifts. For them, when they are together, they need to be together…and stay off the phones or tablets…when they are having that together time.
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Excellent post Sherie. Your tips to rekindle the fire on relationships are amazing – especially the 6 second kssing part. LOL
Hee hee…yes, that’s a good one, Lorii!!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Sherie, I used to say that you could tell married couples from newly dating couples because the married ones were the ones who looked bored and the dating ones were engaged in conversation. Today you can’t tell them apart: both couples are texting other people instead of even acknowledging each other. Their loss!
Sharon O’Day recently posted..Financial Independence: A Quick and Dirty Path to Freedom
It is their loss, well said, Sharon!! I can’t believe how many couples actually do this!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Wonderful post, Sherie, with tips that can be tweaked a bit and used in any relationship – such as that with a child. Thanks for such an important wake-up call in this day and age of constant connectivity!
Lisa Frederiksen – BreakingTheCycles.com recently posted..Depression and Alcohol Use – Not a Good Combination
You’re right, Lisa, these tips can be used in relationships with children, friends, and family as well. Thanks so much for commenting!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
These are great points you make above:) I sometimes feel that my husband and I spend way too much time on the computers and sometimes do not have enough face time during the week. We are working on changing this process. Thanks for the tips:)
I hear you on that, Daniele. With the easy access to tech, it’s easy to get caught up with being plugged in!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Excellent tips here Sherie! I liked the tip about texting one another but not when sitting in front of each other – my husband and I have done that… but just for fun ;). I think that laughing together on a regular basis is good too!
Moira Hutchison recently posted..Positive Attitude: Building Confidence
LOL, Moira, that is funny! I have seen couples do this…scary! Yes, laughing together is very important!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
You touched on one of my big beefs Sherie…when you’re with someone, I find it extremely rude (there, I said it!) for someone to be staring at their smart phone, constantly answering someone else. I find it true in personal relationships and business ones!
MamaRed recently posted..Small Business Owners, Get clear on your WHO first
Right on, MamaRed! I find it rude, too…it’s an unwelcome interruption! Thanks so much for commenting!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
These are all great tips for every couple to remember! LOL to the one about texting each other when sitting across from them!
Erin recently posted..City Target in Beverly Hills: Now Open!!
I have seen it happen…LOL. Thanks for your comment, Erin, appreciate it!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Sherie, many times we get side tracked by “life” and forget to foster our personal relationships. Your tips are clear, easy, and sound fun! Thanks for sharing 😉
Meryl Hershey Beck recently posted..Instant Energy Generator
We can get so caught up, can’t we, Meryl? Thanks so much for your comment!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Thanks Sherrie. I noticed at least 3 of your tips had to do with electronics. I am seeing the electronics are really getting in the way of relationships of all types, not just romantic ones. The Iphones, etc. can be really addicting and pull us away from those who really matter most to us!
What you are saying is so pertinent to society right now!
Electronics are wonderful but they have their place…moderation in all things, right, Leslie? : D
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Thanks for sharing all the helpful tips, Sherie! I especially like: “Stop scrolling through your social media.” Thank goodness I am not in a relationship because with the amount of time I’m online, I wouldn’t have time for one! LOL! Another one I like is: “Look into each other’s eyes.” So many couples do not take the time to do this. It is important! 🙂
Alexandra McAllister recently posted..Are There Obstacles Stopping You From Reaching Your Health Goals?
It is important! Alexandra, I think that if you were in a relationship, you would definitely take the time, dear! : D
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
I followed your 6 second tip Sherie and I can tell you that it works 😉
Carolyn Hughes recently posted..Searching for love.
Carolyn, glad to hear it! It is a powerful technique! So appreciate you reading and commenting, dear!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
I loved the one about the 6 second kiss!! Keep up the great work!
BettyLou recently posted..Older women are you killing your dreams with anxiety?
That is one of my favorites, Betty Lou!!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
It’s so important to stay focused on your relationship, especially if you’ve been together for a long time. Thanks for these ideas Sherie!
Dawn Lanier recently posted..Who Should you Follow on Pinterest? Check your Email
You’re welcome, Dawn, and you’re right…the longer you are together, the more important it is to stay focused…instead of taking each other for granted!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Stop talking about the kids: That is the one here! It’s more stop talking about the grandkids, but the same… lol. Great points made here. Thanks!
Explode Your Business ONLINE recently posted..Common Blunders via Small Entrepreneurs
LOL, I hear you on that, Norma!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Sherie, you have mentioned some very good points. For years my husband worked away from home 4 to 5 days & nights a week and only came home on weekends. During those years I worked out of our home for the most part with some outside sales. When he retired 8 years ago, I had quite an adjustment to make because he was used to my undivided attention on weekends and was not used to me being busy when he was home. It is something we still struggle with because he feels ignored when I am working and I feel guilty about not doing things with him. We are working through it but it has definitely taken some adjusting.
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A lot of couples have huge adjustments to make at retirement time, Pat. Glad to here you are working through it. My parents had a similar situation and my Dad had to find some hobbies to fill in the time that he used to spend working. He had become a very good cook and baker. I have had some very fine jams and jellies that he has made! : D
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Having a buddy always helps me and I need to find one here.;-)
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This came at the perfect time for me!! I needed this today for hubby and I.
Angela recently posted..Epic Content Strategies For Facebook’s New Functionality
Glad that it could help, Angela!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
It’s striking how many of the distractions that interfere with relationships are related to electronic devices. I’ve been spending more time unplugged recently and doing that deepens the quality of a lot of experiences — and not just with other people. Thanks for another great post, Sherie.
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Yes, Shari, sometimes we have to “disconnect” in order to “connect”, right?
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Great advice Sherie,
I forgot my smart phone at home for a 48 hour period and it was amazing how many non-verbal body language I was catching from my wife and friends that I know I would have missed by being constantly stimulated by my phone buzzing. Thanks for sharing!
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That is amazing, Tom! We often get so used to our habitually use of those devices…that we don’t see what we are missing!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
these are great! I’ve started the 6 second kiss to start and end the day! I’ll just say VERY effective! lol Thanks doll!
Elizabeth Maness recently posted..How to use Facebook’s News feed Update to Increase Audience Engagement
Hee hee…it really is effective, Elizabeth! Rock on! ; D
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
Wonderful post! I especially like the sharing of daily gratitudes. I’m going to suggest to my husband that we implement that 🙂
Martha Giffen recently posted..5 Simple Social Media Tips You Can Use Right Now
That is particularly powerful, Martha, let me know how it goes for you and your husband!
Sherie recently posted..Why St. Patrick’s Day is So Special to Me
I love your points here Sherie. Making time for sharing even small moments together can make a big difference! Just curious as to why the kiss should be 6 seconds? 🙂
Carolyn Hughes recently posted..Letter to my inner child.
Thank you, Carolyn, I love that you read them! There is no hard and fast rule as to how long a kiss…it’s just that quite often, we kiss quickly…and if you take at least 6 seconds (you can do longer, of course, lol), then you connect, more. Try it and see! ; D