The biggest problem
with feeling like you are being taken for granted is the feeling of being powerless to change it.
But what if you actually did have the power to do just that?
What if you could change that by changing your own behavior?
Because we all know that you can’t change anyone else’s behavior…don’t we?
Let’s take a look at that…and answer some questions…
These questions might be painful for you to answer…but you know…hiding from the truth isn’t getting you what you want…
7 Questions to Ask if You Are Being Taken for Granted
- Are you needy and always available?
- Do you drop your plans at a moments notice?
- Do you value what they think of you….rather than what you think of yourself?
- Are you afraid to be alone?
- Do you put yourself down in order to make the other person feel better about themselves?
- Do you feel that you deserve to be taken for granted?
- Do you walk on eggshells…making sure that you never say/do anything to upset the other?
So here are some different ways to think… so that you can stop letting people take you for granted.
If you feel that you are incomplete without a partner/relationship…realize that is not true. The purpose of relationships is not to complete us. Do you remember the scene in Jerry Maguire where he says “You complete me”? That is a myth.
In relationships that work, two complete, whole human beings come together as partners. Neither completes the other. They are already complete. Rather, being in partnership enhances their lives…
If you are being taken for granted in any of your relationships, look at how you treat yourself, on a daily basis. What areas of your life are you taking for granted? Are you taking your physical health, emotional health, financial health for granted? When was the last time you thought about what is important to you?
Make a plan to honor yourself. When you start treating yourself better…and not putting yourself last…then other people will treat you better.
When I was first divorced, on the very first Valentine’s Day after the divorce…I realized that I had never received a dozen roses…in my life…
I thought to myself “Why wait? I deserve to have roses…even if I have to give them to myself”…and I did. I drove my car to the florists…and walked into the shop with my head held high.
I picked out the loveliest bouquet of bright, heart red roses…and a sparkling glass vase to put them in…and proudly bought those beautiful flowers for myself…because I deserved to have those roses…
I felt so happy when I went home and arranged those fragrant roses in the vase. I felt my heart singing…and it was a reinforcement of the idea that had been growing in my mind and my heart…that I deserved…that I was worthy…
And you know…the strange thing is…when I felt that way…when I made that a part of my physical reality…I met my husband two weeks later…
Coincidence? Maybe…but you never know do you?
“Even the smallest victory is never to be taken for granted. Each victory must be applauded…” Audre Lorde
So tell me…in your life…what are some of the ways…or even just one way…just one thing that you can do…to let that wonderful unconscious mind know that you deserve…that being taken for granted is not an option anymore….let me know in the comments below…
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
Sherie
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What a great post! I am not taken for granted now, but I was for many years…it is wonderful once you learn to stand up for yourself and the first step is knowing that you are being taken advantage of in the first place!!! Thanks for sharing!
When we are aware, we can make changes, so it is a brilliant first step, Liz!
Sherie recently posted..Warning! Keep Your Goals Secret!
We grew up hearing the expression in Portuguese “melhor so que mal acompanhada.” (Better to be alone than poorly accompanied.) I believe that was when I realized what good company I was … to myself. Ever since, I am happy when I choose to be in the company of others, but it’s by choice and not by need. That’s clarified the foundation of most relationships since then …
Sharon O’Day recently posted..Financial Independence: A Quick and Dirty Path to Freedom
By choice…love that, Sharon!
Sherie recently posted..Warning! Keep Your Goals Secret!
No kidding? I love the story of how you met your husband 2 weeks after making the decision to care and value yourself. That’s so awesome! And I couldn’t agree more with your statements, “In relationships that work, two complete, whole human beings come together as partners. Neither completes the other. They are already complete. Rather, being in partnership enhances their lives…” It takes time to really find our true selves but when we do – the relationship with ourself makes all other relationships (with friends, children, parents and partners) awesome. Thanks for this wonderful post.
Lisa Frederiksen – BreakingTheCycles.com recently posted..Why Just Say No Typically Doesn’t Work
No kidding!! It was very quick. Love your insights, Lisa, thanks for reading and commenting!
Sherie recently posted..These Little Known Secrets to Stop the Argument
Sherie, what a great article! So many points used to ring true until I learned that it is OK to say no and to draw boundaries. Thank you for sharing this!
Robin, it is SO okay to say no and have strong boundaries! Thank you!
Sherie recently posted..How to End Being Taken For Granted
Sheri I really love your tips and advice here – it’s very similar to some of the things I’ve said to clients myself… especially the ones looking for a partner to “complete” them :).
Something else I’ve noticed about people allowing themselves to be taken for granted is that they harbour resentments (because I think deep down they know they are worthy of being treated better by themselves!)
Moira Hutchison recently posted..Are You Stuck in a Rut?
Moira, what a great insight…that is so true about harbouring resentments!
Sherie recently posted..How to End Being Taken For Granted
Sometimes it hard to see that you’re being taken for granted when you’re in that situation. Asking yourself questions like the ones you shared is a great way to see things you might not otherwise.
Joanne recently posted..Dinner: Chicken Wraps And Tater Tots
Absolutely, Joanne! Really appreciate your comment!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Thanks for the list. I realize I am always ready to drop my plans at a moments notice. It’s not that I have a problem with including others plans in my time but I often do not put a priority on what my own commitments are which often cause me to feel a little resentful. When we really think about it, we bring many things on ourselves. Thanks.
Pat Moon recently posted..Health & Nutrition Blogging–There had to be a Way, It Just Hadn’t Been Invented Yet
That is very true, Pat, we do bring them to ourselves. When you stop being ready to drop your plans at a moments notice, watch what happens….
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
I love it! It is so fabulous to realize how important you are and that there is only one of you..no replacement. I love the story about how you went out to get yourself those roses! You are worthy! 🙂
It was a life changing moment for me, Daniele!Thank you so much for your comment!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
I love that you highlight the fact that no one else can make us complete. We are already whole. I do believe that the more we believe in our own value, then the more we will be able to assert our right to be treated well by others.
Wonderful story about the roses Sherie!
Carolyn Hughes recently posted..Pathway to passion.
Well said, Carolyn! When we know…beyond a shadow of a doubt…that we have value, the more we expect to be valued by others!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Man, what a fabulous article! These things are oh so true, and sadly most people don’t take responsibility for their own actions, feelings and thoughts… and rather spend all their time trying to control how other people treat them. This was so refreshing.
And holy smokes, this part about relationships… SPOT ON!!!!! “In relationships that work, two complete, whole human beings come together as partners. Neither completes the other. They are already complete. Rather, being in partnership enhances their lives…” If just 1/3 of the world would get that, we’d be far better off 🙂
Robin recently posted..The Quickest Way to Success (without losing your passion, joy & sanity)
Robin, thank you! And you’re right…we would be better off if people did get that!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Most certainly I am! This one did take me years to conquer!
Anita recently posted..The Quick and Easy Way to Succeed in Social Media Time Management
And isn’t life so much better, now that you have? : D
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Such an on-point post Sherie and as someone who is going through a divorce at the moment (and is getting past the OMG what did I do wrong THIS TIME conversation…thought I had that one down for the count, apparently not), I totally hear what you’re saying about how we’re letting others treat us AND, most importantly, how we’re treating and honoring ourselves. Thank you for such great teachings and helping me take my next step today.
MamaRed recently posted..What is the RIGHT question to ask to build your business?
MamaRed, hang in there…it does get SO much better. We are all continually learning and moving forward in life…
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Great article. The seven questions was great and I know a couple people who would answer yes to all these questions. They are all on their own journey
We all are, Tom!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Thank you Sherie for this. I read the questions and started thinking:
1. Not any longer.
2. Only for my family.
3 I’m getting better.
4. Never.
5. Sometimes.
6. Not now.
7. Only when it’s absolutely needed.
Ten years ago my answers would have been completely different.
Kathy Robinson recently posted..Keyword Stuffing Infomercials
You’ve come a long way, Kathy, celebrate it!!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Like you can read my mind! Thanks for sharing the 7 Questions to Ask if You Are Being Taken for Granted. I will bookmark this page now!
Thanks
Seun
Oluwaseun Babajide recently posted..My Ultimate Guide to Blogging
Sounds good! Thanks for dropping by!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Great article Sherie. Yes, I truly believe you were shining your light with the love you have for yourself, when your sweetheart showed up in your life. That’s how he found you. You are an inspiration for others!!
Barbara Becker recently posted..What Our Negative Communications Are Really Saying
Awww….thanks so much, Barbara! <3
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Great site, Sherie, and very encouraging for those who have this issue.
Lisa McMahon recently posted..Customize Your Facebook Page Web Address
I really appreciate that Lisa, thanks!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Wow! When I first began reading this I thought “nope this doesn’t apply to me”. Then I read point #5 – “Do you put yourself down in order to make the other person feel better about themselves”? I don’t necessarily put myself down; however, I do lessen my accomplishments to build the other person up and their self esteem so as to not tower over them and make them feel small. Ouch. Thank you for these self-examination tips, they sure to shed light on some things I need to work on…myself.
Carla J Gardiner recently posted..Personal – A Peek Into Who The Fiery Grandma Really Is
Carla, imagine what it would be like if we could just embrace those accomplishments and accept them? Big hugs…I really appreciate your clarity and your honesty!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Sherie,
Love this–and I absolutely agree with this statement: “Make a plan to honor yourself. When you start treating yourself better…and not putting yourself last…then other people will treat you better.”
It’s so true–like they say on the airplane: ‘if you’re traveling with small children, put your own oxygen mask on first and then assist the child with theirs’…it starts with taking care of ourselves first.
Roberta Wilson recently posted..17 Tweeting Strategies To Supercharge Your Engagement
It really does, Roberta! Putting that oxygen mask on is critical to our success and our happiness.
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
You hit it straight on the head. “being in partnership enhances their lives…” Tough lesson to learn but I did. I teach people how they will treat me…! 🙂
Absolutely, Norma!!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Thank you, Sherie, for sharing this post. I’ve been alone for many Valentine’s Day, which is also my birthday and have pampered myself on that day. 🙂 Buying yourself roses was something that I did as well, except they were tulips! I’m so glad that you met your husband 2 weeks later. I’m still “looking!” 🙂
Alexandra McAllister recently posted..Healthy Smoothie Recipes And More To Help You Feel Good
Alexandra, how lovely that you treated yourself so well. Tulips are one of my favorite flowers! No worries…you can have what you want. They say there are no unrealistic goals, just unrealistic time frames!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
These are excellent tips. I tend to not know when to say no. I love helping others and that often holds me back.
Christy Garrett recently posted..Family Fun – Spending the Afternoon at the Swimming Pool
We all need reminders to take care of ourselves, especially if we are as nurturing as you are, Christy. It gets easier!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
“In relationships that work, two complete, whole human beings come together as partners. Neither completes the other. They are already complete.”
Well said. This is the way it is supposed to be.
Rob, yes, that is the way it is supposed to me! So appreciate your comment!
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?
Great points, Sherie. As always, you defined things precisely and concisely. “The purpose of relationships is not to complete us.” Bingo. I don’t know how many people fell for that myth in our generation, but it could be a lot. I didn’t need someone to complete me, but I did have a strong need for companionship and that soulmate bond.
Kudos for getting yourself a dozen roses. Sometimes that really is the solution–to bestow upon yourself that which you deserve.
Eva recently posted..Inspired By Disney
So many people fell for that myth in our generation, Eva…and that’s sad. Relationships do work when it’s two people who know…Thank you so much for your comment, Eva…you’re right…when we give ourselves what we deserve without waiting for someone else…it’s magical…
Sherie recently posted..Are You Done With Being Taken For Granted?