Relationship anxiety
is a huge factor in a lot of people’s lives…and it seems to becoming more common…
I talk to a lot of people…both men and women…about relationship anxiety. In fact…it is the number one reason that my clients come to me.
Feeling anxious can have its roots in trauma…in limiting beliefs…in trigger events that were set up in previous relationships.
The Biggest Problem with Feeling Anxious about Relationships
The biggest issue these types of anxious feelings is that it gets you to think that you can’t have what you want. It makes you feel helpless…powerless…and that future that you want is out of your reach.
And that’s sad.
When I was a little girl, we lived in Germany because my Dad was in the Royal Canadian Air Force and that is where he was stationed.
It was so picturesque. Imagine, if you will….cobblestone lined streets…with houses with shutters…and a quaint little store that sold the most wonderful, candies and chocolates.
I remember the feeling that I had…as a little child…standing outside of that frosted glass window…looking in to see the brilliant, colorful line up of fruit jellies, mints, sour balls, licorice…and chocolates.
I had such a feeling of longing…of wanting to go in and have that candy…and yet…I couldn’t convince my baby sitter to let me go in…even to just have a look.
That feeling of longing…of not being able to reach through the glass…to see those candies…in all of their glory…just so close…and yet so far…to want to be able to walk up to the counter and pick out the exact candies that I wanted…to have them in that little brown bag with my hands tightly holding on…
That is the same feeling that some sufferers of relationship anxiety have…they really can see it…they want to have that relationship…yet…it’s like this thick glass wall….right there…holding them back…and feeling that there is nothing that they can do.
When you’re a child, you are dependent on others and the permission that they give you. So…getting through that barrier and reaching the reward is not as easy as it could be.
When you are an adult…you have a choice…you can break through that barrier…that glass…and reach what you desire…the candy…or the relationship…without the relationship anxiety…
This Simple Exercise to Reduce Those Anxious Feelings
So imagine…what if it could be so easy…to break through that glass wall of relationship anxiety…
If you wish…you can imagine that you have done exactly that…that you have an imaginary hammer…and that you have taken a big swing and broken through that wall…that you can hear the shattering of that wall…the tinkle of the glass as it falls down around your feet…and then…step through…to what you really want.
Now…for some…visualization like that is enough to weaken the relationship anxiety…so that they can let it go…
Others might need to do more work than that…
So, if you feel that way…if being in a relationship makes you feel anxious…or just thinking about being in a relationship brings those feelings up…realize that it is temporary…that it doesn’t need to be forever…and that you can have what you want…really…
Decide that you will get to the root of the issue. Decide that you do deserve to have that love. Decide that there is no time like the present to let that relationship anxiety go…now…
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
Sherie
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Everyone deserves to be loved, it is not right to feel like you can’t have what you want. Let go of the anxiety and imagine how things would go better. Great post, thanks for sharing this.
Lorii Abela recently posted..Get Over a Break Up: Keeping Contact with your Ex’s Friends
Lorii, yes, you are so right! Everyone does deserve to be loved!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
Lovely article Sherie!
Thanks, Karen!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
I think I’ve mellowed with age. Either that or I’ve simply decided to let so much go that relationships have moved to a totally different plane: those that are really valuable are those that are easy to sustain. Those that are problematic by nature are not nurtured, so they don’t stick around. Boy, has life gotten easier! 😉
Sharon O’Day recently posted..Financial Independence: A Quick and Dirty Path to Freedom
Well said, Sharon! The best kind of aging is taking the experience we’ve gotten and gleaning that knowledge from it!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
Beautifully written and such wonderful advice. Thank you so much, Sherie!
Lisa, thanks so much for your kind words! : D
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
Wow, that is a very powerful post. You made sure to touch on great points and thank you for sharing with us.
Marilyn recently posted..Super Sale – Fill The Gift Bags
I appreciate your comment, Marilyn, thanks!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
Love to read your blog as it not only helps me with my personal relationships but my professional as well 🙂
Anita recently posted..7 Time Management Skills You Can Use Now!
Anita, thank you, my dear! I love your blog, as well! : D
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
I love what you’ve written here Sherie – it’s so true that in order to be nurturing and true to ourselves we must acknowledge the anxieties that occur and have faith that they do and will pass.
Moira Hutchison recently posted..How Intuitive Are You?
Well said, Moira!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
I love your relationship Advice Sherie! That is such a powerful visual! Just break throught it! 😉
Elizabeth Maness recently posted..BluePrint for Building a better Blog
Elizabeth, so appreciate you, dear! Thank you!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
I think the thing that drives me to be anxious about relationships is a deep feeling of worthlessness. I feel that if a person knew the real me they would reject me. That I will be a failure in life. I hope to one day find that love.
Sebastian Aiden Daniels recently posted..Am I gay, straight or bi?
Sebastian, you need to find that love inside of yourself…to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have worth…because you do.
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
Relationships can be fragile, scary, and cause anxiety but what would we be without them. Relationships are so important to our actual survival.. we should treasure and nurture them.
Pat Moon recently posted..Poor Circulation Can Be Your Worst Enemy, 50 Things You Need To Know To Defeat It
That is very true, Pat!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
Thank you Sherie!
I totally agree with your perspective. When I stop for a moment and realize, “What else am I going to do?” it ignites a spark within me and there I go!
Barbara Becker recently posted..Think Your Life Won’t Change? Think Again.
Well said, Barbara!!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
Great post, Sherei. Relationship anxiety can be immobilizing, can’t it? Love your analogy of you as a little girl in front of the candy store.
Robin, it really can. Thank you so much for your kind words, my dear!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
Sherie, this post is right on in my book! I have relationship anxiety with not just my personal relationships, I have anxiety with my professional ones as well! thanks so much for sharing!
Liz, that is very true that relationship anxiety can be in any of our relationships, not just romantic ones. I so appreciate you taking the time to read the post and comment.
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?
Such a lovely article, Sherie. I love this: ” So, if you have relationship anxiety…realize that it is temporary…that it doesn’t need to be forever…and that you can have what you want…really…” I agree! Thank you for sharing! Have a blessed day!
Alexandra McAllister recently posted..Simple Tip To Control Cravings, Get Healthier, Happier And Feel Accomplished
Alexandra, my dear, thank you! Blessings back at ya! : D
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Anxiety Got You Thinking You Can’t Have What You Want?