Is anybody
listening in your relationship?
Or are you both trying to prove a point…or be right…first?
Everybody needs to be heard…and we all need someone to listen to us…don’t we?
When people are first in relationship with each other…whether it is a romantic partnership…or another type of relationship…they hang on to every word that’s spoken.
They listen intently.
They listen for hints…for clues…for messages…
Yet, with time…listening begins to slow down…and for some…it stops altogether…like a clock that needs to be wound up…
Listening Problems
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone…and you could almost feel that they were just nodding their head and waiting for an opportunity…an opening…a space to just jump in with their opinion?
Have you ever felt that you were talking to a brick wall? That no matter what you said…or how upset you were…that there was no reaction?
There are many ways to not listen…
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway
We have the illusion of listening…because we are so busy with our own thoughts…that race through our minds…that we aren’t completely focused on what the other is saying…
How to Listen More Effectively
- Be still and quiet your own mind. Tell those thought to settle down…and really focus on those words that are being spoken…watch the body language…the expressions on their face…
- Don’t interrupt (unless there is a very good reason to…)
- Hear without judging or making any assumptions about what is being said…just listen…
- Clarify what you’ve heard. Ask questions…and see if what you’ve heard and understand is what they intended for you to hear…
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia
Yes, listen…because listening is a form of respect. It is acknowledging that the other is important…and they must be…if you are continuing to be in relationship with them.
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” Bryant H. McGill
It sounds simple…listen…and be listening…yet, it isn’t as simple as it seems. How often do we ignore listening to ourselves and that still, small voice that we have inside…our intuition…our gut feelings?
So, listen…without judgement. Reflect back what you’ve heard…be clear…and then go from there…
We all need to feel that we are important…because we are…and when we are genuinely listened to…and we listen…then that happens…
“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner
Sherie
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I agree. This is probably the most valuable skill to have and possibly the most underrated. Young people now a days do not value this skill. Oftentimes instead instead of listening they are on their phones or doing something else. It is sad. Everyone consciously or subconsciously cherises a person who listens to them.
Sebastian Aiden Daniels recently posted..Traumatic Childhood! How it affects a person and how to heal from it! Part 2.
They certainly do, Sebastian!
Sherie recently posted..How Your Relationship Might Be Sabotaging Your Business Success
It’s called “being present.” That’s something that more and more people have trouble with. And it shows up in all sorts of places, not just relationships. Great tips, Sherie, for resolving the problem …
Sharon O’Day recently posted..Mamas, Don’t Let Your Daughters Grow Up to Be Clueless
Sharon, so appreciate your comment, dear…and you’re right…more and more people are having trouble with it…
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
Excellent article Sherie – I agree that listening is an art of communication that is often overlooked – especially in stressful situations… and then there is that *assume* thing – that needs to be avoided in order to keep things healthy in any kind of relationship!
Moira Hutchison recently posted..Positive Attitude: Dismissing Negative Thought
Absolutely, Moira…those assumptions can be real relationship killers!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
I love your tips on how to listen more effectively. I think this is sometimes the hardest part of communication! 🙂
It can be, Daniele…but when we focus on it, it gets easier!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
Oh you are dead on here! We listen often for a pause and not what is said so that we can say something.. not trying to make sure the other person is understood. It is funny how we do that none listening over time and instead of doing it better we don’t do it as well!
Elizabeth Maness recently posted..Blogger SEO Tips – I Have a Blog Now What?
Exactly, Elizabeth!! So appreciate your comment!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
Oh my gosh – really listening is so lacking in so many relationships – the norm, as you write, is more like “you are both trying to prove a point…or be right…first.” Love your suggestions for how to really listen. Thanks for this, Sherie – just think what we could change if we all really listened to [and therefore understood] what the other had to say.
Lisa Frederiksen – BreakingTheCycles.com recently posted..When Does Drinking Alcohol Become a Problem
It would really make a difference in relationships with everyone, wouldn’t it, Lisa! Love your insights!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
I am guilty of this too! Hand is waving..LOL I am a work in progress and have come to understans I learn more when my mouth is closed and my ears are open!
Anita recently posted..Self Motivation and Fulfilling Your Aspirations
Hee hee…I think we’ve all been guilty of this, Anita! We are all works in progress!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
A great reminder Sherie of the need to listen, especially in those close relationships with people we see every day. Listening to your partner is so important and it takes effort sometimes not to jump in and allow the person to be heard. In those situations where I know I need to shut up I try to remember that the 7 letters of listen also spell silent!
Carolyn Hughes recently posted..Sanctuary of the soul.
Carolyn, that is brilliant! I am going to have to remember that!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
Sherie, listening without judgement is often not easy but a key ingredient to a successful relationship. Great article!
Meryl Hershey Beck recently posted..Time for Healing
It really is a key ingredient! Thanks so much, Meryl for your input!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
You know what? Listening is an art. Always amazed when I chat with people and see so many not listening actively. Lost art, I say! How can you learn & grow if you don’t listen? I already know what I know – that is why I choose to listen to what YOU have to say! Tee-hee…
Explode Your Business ONLINE recently posted..Call for Justice on Rehtaeh Parsons Bullying Tragedy
Love that turn of phrase, Norma…”Listening is an art”…right on!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
This is so true! I just went through this with my husband and we go through it about every few years… When I talk he hears what he wants to hear – NOT what I actually said! He tends to go to defensive mode and begins to defend himself before I have even finished my question…he assumes I want something else – not what I asked for and then is shocked when I tell him – I just want the answer to my question!
Assumptions get a lot of people in hot water, Liz! I appreciate you sharing.
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
wow! Isn’t this the truth? Sometimes I’m so busy thinking about what I’n going to say next that I’m totally unaware that my husband is talking! Great advice here!
Martha Giffen recently posted..Why LinkedIn Recommendations Are Important
Thanks, Martha, we all need that reminder every once in a while…; D
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
This is so good, Sherie. Much of the time we’re not listening; we’re waiting to talk. It is so easy to forget what Paul Tillich wrote: “The first duty of love is to listen.” Thanks so much for sharing this.
Shari recently posted..For our health, for the planet
I hadn’t seen that quote before, Shari, love it!! Thanks for sharing it!!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
I love your point, Sherie that listening is a point of respect. It is important to listen without judging. Not always easy to do, but something that we should all strive towards. Take care.
Cathy Taughinbaugh recently posted..How to Find Recovery and Thrive: Meet Tommy Rosen
You’re right, Cathy, it isn’t always easy and it is always necessary!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
If someone does not listen at all, the relationship is eventually damaged to the point of no return. How can you interact with someone if one side is not listening? I love to talk, but I also love to listen. This is a great blog on how to do it and the respect it conveys to the other person.
Barbara, I really appreciate your kind words…and yes, it can be so damaging to relationships and often is the last nail in the coffin.
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
I agree about listening completely without thinking about other things and without making judgments as they are talking. I know I am guilty of this sometimes.
Tom H recently posted..Napa Valley Gastronomic Tour – Understanding Napa Valley Regions
Tom, we all can be…it isn’t always easy to have that focus..
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
Being a good, respectful listener is a great character trait worth developing.
Pat Moon recently posted..Diabetes Nutrition is Not All About Calories
I so agree, Pat, thanks so much for commenting!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
This is great! Looks like we do similar work with relationships. Contact me if you are interested in guest blogging some time!
Gina recently posted..Boost Your Resilience: Four Ways to Get Through Tough Times
Gina, that would be awesome, thank you! Perhaps you could guest post, here, as well!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
I agree totally, I find it amazing what happens when you really listen to the little kids!
MarVeena recently posted..Crossing Over from Spirit
It is amazing, MarVeena!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
WOW! Love this: ““Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” This is so true! Incredible! Great post and your tips are very helpful. Thank you, Sherie!
Alexandra McAllister recently posted..New Mobile Marketing App Start The Rippln
Awww..thank you for the lovely comment, Alexandra, dear!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
I rather be happy than right. When I listen to a person, I observe my Higher Self is asking questions to the person I’m listening to. We are amazing beings of love and compassion!
Love those insights, Barbara! So appreciate you taking the time to read the post and comment!
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?
Love, love, love this statement: “Yes, listen…because listening is a form of respect. It is acknowledging that the other is important…and they must be…if you are continuing to be in relationship with them.”
I can’t tell you the number of times I have repeated something back to my husband when he thought I was not listening to him; it’s makes all the difference in our world!
Kim Hawkins recently posted..Our First Kiss
It does, doesn’t it, Kim?? Love that you have done that and noticed that difference. Thank you SO much for dropping by and commenting! <3
Sherie recently posted..Relationship Tips. #7. Listen: Is Anybody Really Listening?