Imagine this. The holidays are looming and you have a party coming up. It might be a party that you are planning or it might just be an important party that you have been invited to.

You start to worry. What if no one comes? What if the food isn’t good enough? Or if it is a party you’ve been invited to, you start to think thoughts like these…”What if no one talks to me?” “What if I’m there all alone?” or possibly “What if I spill something on my clothes or make a fool of myself?”

That worry is worry that is self-directed. It has been created in your mind.

Getting Rid of Worry

So what exactly is worry? This is the way that it has been explained to me: Worry is thinking about a negative outcome of an event in the future and creating fear about that event. That sounds just about right, doesn’t it?

So if you have a tendency to worry…especially about things that you have no control over…then…instead of imagining the worst case scenario, think about a positive outcome. That isn’t always as easy as it sounds, though.

Filling the Void with Confidence

When there is the state of worry, the natural consequence of that is having no confidence. Who would feel confident about an event that they were worried about? That’s right…no one…if you’re worried, you are definitely not in a confident frame of mind.

So, in addition to imagining a positive outcome, think of a time when you felt super confident…a time when you felt that you could conquer the world…that’s right…

See what you saw, feel what you felt and hear what you heard…and when that feeling of confidence is very strong, use a word…a word that has meaning to you…say a word like “strong”…whatever you choose…a word that you don’t use often…you can even make one up…that’s right…

Then imagine that scene again…and make it bigger and brighter…put life into it…just like you were right there, experiencing it again, in full color, with all of the sights and sounds…and say that word that you chose again…

Then, if you happen to need it…when you say that word again…with the same intensity that you used it when you were thinking of that time…all of those emotions will come back…and you will feel confident…

When you get rid of a belief or a negative state, there is a void left. Fill it with something positive…and watch for the change in your life…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

You are courageous. Really.

You get up in the morning. You go about your daily work.

You live. All of that requires a quiet courage, especially in unsure times…times where there is more chaos and uncertainty than ever before.

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”― Mark Twain

We often think of courage in terms of brave acts…or acts of extreme heroism…and those are wonderful acts…but what about the quiet courage of those who fight with depression…or anxiety…or struggle with addictions…those people who keep going…even if they aren’t sure of the direction they are going in?

Here are some of my favorite courage quotes for the quietly courageous…and you know who you are…don’t you?

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” Mary Anne Radmacher


“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” ― Coco Chanel

It takes courage to:

• Move forward after a loss…a divorce, a death, a breakup, a job loss, a financial loss….
• Move forward when there has been a rejection
• Move forward when a decision has turned out to be the wrong one

Activating Courage When You are Afraid

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”― E.E. Cummings

Remember that fear isn’t real. It is a projection of the worst case scenario. It can seem real because our imaginations are powerful. We can paint pictures in our minds with our words. We make everything feel more real when we FEEL it.

Because we can do this, we can also use the same process to turn it around. We can imagine a better outcome. We can paint a prettier picture of the future…we can make it more real by infusing that picture with good emotions…like hope…joy….being happy…feeling success…right there.

And when we do that, we can feel courage…welling up…making a new future a possibility…that we can move toward…because when we feel it…when we reach down deep inside…we can create that ….

And in the famous quote of Sir Winston Churchill: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

“Freedom lies in being bold.” ― Robert Frost

So, activate your courage…and recognize that it took courage to get you where you are now…and you can move forward because you always were brave…weren’t you?

In closing, this courage quote from Nora Ephron is one of my very favorites because it puts personal responsibility into play…

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”― Nora Ephron

And this could also read be the “hero” of your life…couldn’t it? So do that…be the hero or heroine of your own life…just because you can…and see that everything shifts…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

Image courtesy of BJWOK /  freedigitalphotos.net

Note: This is
a guest post from Ryan Rivera! : D

One of the most amazing realizations I had about the human experience came long before I overcame my anxiety. It came in early college. I had a crush on this young lady that had recently broken up with her old boyfriend. They had been together for several years, but he had been emotionally distant through most of them and slightly verbally abusive, and, like often happens between high school and college, they had grown apart.

She and I were starting to get very close, and both of us expressed our intention of taking it further. We even went on a date that went very well before she went on two week trip with her family. We kept in touch throughout that trip, until near the end she suddenly grew very distant. When she came back, she asked me to have coffee because she needed to talk.

She sat me down and looked very sad. She said to me “we were having a great time. But while I was on my trip I started to miss my ex-boyfriend. I realized that missing him must mean I still cared about him so I am going to call him soon and try to get back together.” That was the end of it.

Emotions Are Irrational

While I’ve never come across anyone since that put it so bluntly, in my work with people living with anxiety and in troubled relationships, I’ve seen this type of logic used in a roundabout way to justify decisions that go against logical thinking. Someone experiences an emotional reaction to something, and they assume that the emotion has more meaning than it does, which indicates to them something about themselves that it may not actually be indicating. Such as:

• I get angry around this person so I must not like them.
• This person can make me cry so they must be very important to me.
• I feel alone when this person isn’t around me so I must need them.

Many of these feelings are very real. But for many, the feelings are not real, and are simply a result of your mind and experience telling your body something incorrectly.

Let’s look at that last one, as it’s a great example. If you spend every day with someone, it doesn’t matter how much you care about them – you’re bound to build a connection to having them around. You’re used to them there, and they’ve become a part of your surroundings, so when they’re gone, you’re going to notice their absence and feel more alone.

It’s why people still experience discomfort when a bad roommate moves out. It’s the same reason that people get upset over throwing away an ugly lamp that they’ve had for years that didn’t even work properly. Change – and other life situations – cause emotions that are incongruous with what the logical reaction should be, and valuing these emotions over logical thinking can cause poor decisions that make your life worse.

Emotions Are a Part of the Equation

None of this is to say that emotions have no role. For example, if you’re with a partner that makes you happy, then it doesn’t matter if logically you don’t expect them to make you happy. Happiness is happiness. It’s just that all emotions should be part of the scale in the decision making process, along with an acknowledgement that emotions can lie to you.

Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, life change, relationships, depression, or something else, emotions need to be looked at through a skeptical lens, because you may find that the emotion you experience is something that doesn’t represent the way you truly feel, or the best decision for your mental health and happiness.

About the Author: Ryan Rivera used to find himself consistently justifying his anxieties as a way to avoid fixing them. Now he writes about ways to cure anxiety at www.calmclinic.com.

Image Courtesy of : Stuart Miles /Freedigitalphotos.net

There are 3 ways of thinking…that keep people stuck…that keep people from having the lives, the careers, the love and the success that they want.

They are common ways of thinking and they aren’t necessary and can be changed…in fact, should be unloaded right now.

“Thinking is a habit, and like any other habit, it can be changed; it just takes effort and repetition”.~ John Eliot

The Way We Think

The way we think influences our lives. Agreed? Those ways of thinking can be old patterns and habits leftover from when we were kids. Or they could be new patterns that we developed as we grew and had different experiences.

When we think, we think in pictures, sounds, feelings and sometimes, in smells and tastes. If the way you think works for you…and gives you what you want in life…and you feel a great amount of harmony, peace and love…well, then, I would say that the way you think works very well for you (even though I would just be guessing…).

However, if you can imagine this scenario…let’s pretend that there is a woman named Amanda. Amanda works hard at her job and often stays past her work hours to make sure that everything gets done and set up for the next day.

She is a hard worker who goes above and beyond, often putting in unpaid time after work on her own time, to do research for work projects. In her position, she is allowed to bank hours. In fact, she is allowed to take days from her vacation accrual if she needs them. So, there is a long weekend coming up.

Amanda asks for and gets approval to take an extra day off on the long weekend so that she can have a four day weekend.(Who loves a 4 day long weekend?). She has made sure that she has prepared for and has all the bases covered for that extra day at work. All systems are go.

Amanda begins to feel a nagging feeling, like something isn’t right. She starts looking for permission…for someone to say that it’s okay that she has arranged to take this day off. Remember…the day has been cleared, she is making sure all her i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed in her office…she actually has the right to take the day off…and isn’t going to hurt anyone…

Unload These Ways of Thinking

• Needing Permission. There is a subtle difference between needing permission to do something and needing approval to do it. When a person looks for permission, there could be an underlying feeling of not deserving…so they are looking for permission from an outside authority (a parent, a spouse, a supervisor)…to do the thing they want to do.
• Feeling Guilty. Guilt is a waste of your time. If you have done something wrong (and I’m not talking about MAJOR things here like severely hurting someone physically or robbing a bank), take responsibility for it, make it right if you can, and move on. Don’t do it again! Guilt keeps you stuck in the past and it serves no use for most people, other than to keep you stuck.
• Speaking to Yourself Critically. Perfectionists are experts at speaking to themselves critically. It doesn’t work. It just makes you feel bad about yourself and the last time I checked, that really doesn’t get you the results you want, long term.

A New Way of Thinking

“A thought-form held in thinking substance is a reality; it is a real thing, whether it has yet become visible to mortal eye or not.”~ Wallace D. Wattles

Our thoughts are real…and they help shape our reality…and because they do that…we must be aware of our way of thinking. The possibility exists within each one of us to change those ways of thinking.

Take responsibility for every decision that you make. When you feel that you are at 100% responsibility, then those ineffective ways of thinking…that need for permission…that guilt…and speaking to yourself critically…can all melt away…

You need your permission. If you aren’t sure that you are going in the right direction, make a list of the pros and cons. For example, Amanda can make a list of the pros of taking the extra day and the cons for taking the extra day.

Then she can take a look at that list and see if she needs to make an adjustment. Then she can take responsibility for making that decision…because when it comes down to it…when you can accept total responsibility…you don’t need anyone else’s permission, do you?

Toss guilt out of the window. Using guilt is like using a hammer to brush snow off of a car windshield….you can do a lot of long term damage that way…

Speak kindly to yourself…remember that it is true that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar…especially when it comes to your relationship with you….

So, when you take 100% responsibility for your actions…and that is really just a decision…then you will start to feel that you deserve what you want in life…you can unload those 3 ways of thinking that don’t work anyway…let go of thinking you needed permission…let go of the guilt…let go of the criticism…just because you can…just like that…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner