Have you ever had the feeling of being stuck? I know that I have. At one time or another, most of us have had that feeling. Stuck. It’s not a nice sounding word and it’s not a good feeling. Instead of being able to move forward and get done what you want to get done, you sit there. Feeling. Stuck. That’s right…

“Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene.”
~ A. C. Benson~

What Mindset Keeps You Feeling Stuck?

Can you remember being a small child and being told to put your toys away? You know…your mother was right…those toys did need to be put away…well…even though I loved my mom, I used to throw horrible tantrums because I didn’t like to be told what to do. In fact, I can remember very clearly, crossing my little arms across my chest, looking down with a fierce pout on that little face and shouting “No” to my mom.

That is rebellion…and it is possible that there is a small part of you that doesn’t like to be told what to do. ..and yet…don’t you do just that? Yes…you probably do…order yourself around and speak in angry tones to yourself. When was the last time that you needed to do something…something that may or may not have been important…did you have any internal talk with yourself?

If you did…did you speak nicely to yourself or were you angry? My mom was a smart woman. She realized that those tactics of ordering me around weren’t going to get her the results she wanted. So, she did something different…she came in and very kindly said “Let’s put the toys away so that your room can be neat and tidy so that you can have friends over”…and when I did…she came in and told me that I had done a great job…and that worked for me.

Do You Have an Inner Rebel who Keeps You Feeling Stuck?

The problem with having that inner rebel is that often the baby gets thrown out with the bath water or you cut off your nose to spite your face. These are old sayings and they are still relevant today. Have you ever been in a position where you did something that didn’t move you forward…that in fact…moved you backwards…because you were rebelling against a suggestion…even one that would led to positive changes in your life?

I had an experience a week ago. I was taking some advice from a time management expert. She gave me a suggestion to track my time. My inner rebel flared right up! I didn’t want to do it…at all…and in fact…at that moment, I quite wanted to talk myself out of it…totally…

But because I know that she knows more than me about time management, I did some things to calm my inner rebel down…and then…I was able to use that very valuable tool to find out where I needed to make changes…

So, this is one possibility…one reason why you might be feeling stuck…there could be others…

Getting out of Feeling Stuck by Taking Care of Yourself

When you are in the midst of making changes in your life, the last feeling you want is the feeling stuck one. When I recognized that I was feeling stuck about doing the time tracking, I needed to reframe it…to think about it differently…from a different perspective…because in order to make changes…you need to feel good…

Does that sound contrary to you? As a child, were you shamed into putting your toys away? Just imagine how much better you would have felt…and how much more willing you would have been…if you could have found a positive aspect to doing that dreaded chore…

And so I did it…and in doing that, I learned some valuable things about myself and I actually learned that I do more in a day than I thought that I did! I learned that I have a pretty good balance, naturally, between family, work, play, and self-care. So the dreaded time tracker became a very, very good thing. Thank you, Leanne!

It doesn’t matter if you are feeling stuck in a relationship,feeling stuck in a career,or just generally feeling stuck in your life…it all comes down to this:

Ultimate and lasting change and moving through feeling stuck, does not come through being brow beaten or making yourself feel BAD. It comes in an environment of love, nurturing and support and feeling GOOD.

That’s right. You might not have had that before and now…who better to give that to you than you?

Take care of yourself for five minutes today. That’s a very good start. If you need to give something up, like 5 minutes of social media…really…you can do that…can’t you? You could give up 5 minutes of thinking negative thoughts…or 5 minutes of television…and…

• Spend 5 minutes reading.
• Spend 5 minutes using a foam roller for self-massage.
• Spend 5 minutes deep breathing.
• Spend 5 minutes writing in a gratitude journal.

You get the drift, don’t you?

And here is the key…when you feel better and start generating some feelings of good, it is easier to leave the feeling stuck in the past… to move forward…closer to those dreams that you have…in small steps…and then…when that time is right…it is so much easier to take a giant leap of faith…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

Are you in a relationship where you aren’t getting the love you want? Or are you looking for a relationship and don’t have the love you want?

Have you noticed that for some people, they have no problems getting the love they want…and yet, for others, it is a constant battle.

Why is Getting the Love You Want Such a Tricky Thing?

So the question is: Is it really a tricky thing or does you believing that…make it so?  Let’s see…

Here’s why you might be having trouble finding the love you want.

1. You say to yourself “All men/women are scum/hurt me/are in it for the money/sex.” This is called a universal belief. You have applied it to ALL men/women…and it might be different than these words…but similar in tone…you’ll know it if you say it, won’t you?
2. You keep picking the “same” person. You know what I mean. You have been through the “stars in your eyes” beginning… and now…three months or a year into the relationship, you wake up one morning with the realization that you’ve been here before and done that.
3. You don’t believe that it is even possible to succeed at finding and getting the love you want. You’ve been through the wringer one too many times.
4. You don’t really know what your values are. When I talk about values, I am talking about freedom, fun, family, love, money, happiness…and many more possibilities. If you don’t know your values yet, go here…now…
5. You don’t believe that you even deserve to have the love you want and desire. Your self-esteem has taken a beating in previous relationships that were possibly abusive, emotionally or physically.

Can You Really Find the Love You Want?

Absolutely! And it starts here:

1. If you have a universal belief about men/women, that needs to change…now…when you say “ALL”…I want you to ask yourself this…”Is that true?”…is it “ALL men/women”…can you think of ANY men/women that this is not true for? Just think about it…that’s right…
2. Take a look at the characteristics of the partners that you have chosen in the past. Take a pen and paper (or pencil if you prefer!) and list previous relationships that have failed. Write down the characteristics of the partner that you didn’t like…and see if they have anything in common.
3. Look around for examples of happy couples and relationships that work. Make sure that you start to notice all of those in your life…and there will be many…and if it is possible for them…then it really is possible for you…even if it takes time.
4. Find out what your values are. Go here. When you are in partnership with someone who has opposing values, it can be so difficult to make it work.
5. Believe that you deserve to have the love you want…and that is not always an easy thing. Simple. Yes. Imagine yourself as a small baby, newly born…being held in strong arms…and look at that tiny, beautiful face…does that baby deserve to be loved? That’s right…and nothing has changed…because you do still deserve love…no matter what…work on that self-esteem and get that lifted up.

So, if you are in a relationship and are not getting the love you want, take the temperature of the relationship. See if any of these things apply to you…and if these small changes in perspective can help you make that change. If you aren’t in a relationship, then these steps will help you go back to the drawing board and make a fresh start.

Start where you are…take small steps and they add up…so if you aren’t getting the love you want right now…change these small things…and one day…when you’re not even looking for it…you just might be very surprised…I know that I was…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner 

Clear, concise communication is necessary so that the person we are in relationship with, understands us. When we are understood…when we feel listened to…we feel appreciated and we feel more loved…we feel connected…like we belong…and that is all good…because everyone wants to feel that way…don’t they?

Now, that just makes sense, right? That communication would be the key to a successful relationship. ..and it should be simple. Yet, it’s not…especially if you have been in a relationship for a long time… or even if you are in a new relationship or just looking for one. In fact, for some people, communication is not easy at all. Simple. ..but not easy.

Why do you think that is? For a lot of us, we haven’t had good role models and it certainly isn’t taught in most schools. So, if you haven’t learned to be as good of a communicator as you would like, it’s not your fault. Now…it is your responsibility…and we all know that we keep learning as we live, don’t we? 

The Biggest Failures in Communication in Relationships

There are 4 main failures in communication within the boundaries of relationships:

Assumptions

To assume…have you heard the saying to assume is to make an ass out of u and me…that can be true. As people, we do make assumptions and that is how we get through a day filled with millions of small details. However, there are times when making assumptions is totally the wrong thing to do.

Don’t assume that you know what your partner is thinking. Don’t assume that you know how your partner feels. Don’t assume the motivation behind your partner’s actions.

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” ― Henry Winkler. 

ASK questions and be as specific as you can, within the situation.

• What are you thinking?
• How are you feeling?
• Why are you doing that?

Not Listening

Once you have asked questions, LISTEN…that means listening with care.

Negative Body Language

• Arms crossed
• Eyes averted or looking down, no direct contact
• Rolling of eyes
• Head shaking
• Slouching
• Finger pointing or shaking
  What message does these types of body language send? Yes, a substantial part of our communication is done through body language. It has a big impact, as do tones of voice and volume of voice, as well.

Lying

Honesty is an essential component of communication. If you don’t have honesty, you don’t have true communication in your relationship, do you? So, tell the truth. And when I say tell the truth, don’t be brutal. When we were first married, I had a pair of pants that were way too tight to look good.

My husband, the sweetie, didn’t point this fact out. Instead, he said, “Sweetheart, I don’t think those pants are as flattering as they should be. The pants aren’t cut well.” Have you ever been with someone who criticized your body instead of the clothing? There is a difference.

When You Have Good Communication in Your Relationship

Good communication in a relationship will lead to less painful conflict. It’s not whether you have conflict in a relationship or not. If someone tells you they never disagree with their partner, chances are that they have boundary issues. It’s how you approach the disagreement or conflict.

The key to any good relationship, on-screen and off, is communication and respect- Hermann Hesse

When you are clear…concise and honest…ask the right questions instead of making assumptions…be aware of the message that your body language is sending…and tell the truth…then…you have the foundations of communications that work.

And when you have solid, fair and workable lines of communication in your relationships, you have more love, more respect, more fun, more stability and more peace…and that leads to a life filled with more happiness and joy…just like that….

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

Laughter and relationships. Yes. It is a concept that we tend to forget is important. Because…after all…if you are an adult and you are in a “serious” relationship…well then…there isn’t a lot of room for fun, is there?

Relationship Tips. #1: Laughter is the best medicine. Take time every day to find something that you both can laugh about…a memory, an oops, something funny that you heard or saw. Share it with each other!

Here is one of my favorite laughter quotes:

“A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder. Tweet this!

When you think about it…if you actually say that you are in a “serious” relationship, what are you telling that unconscious mind of yours? Are you telling your unconscious mind that it isn’t a good thing to be light hearted and have a joy filled relationship? Be careful…your unconscious mind listens to your words…

No wonder so many people find it hard to enjoy their spouse or partner once they tie the knot. They literally give up the idea that they can have fun. Dating was fun and filled with laughter. Being single was fun and filled with laughter. Think about it…sometimes, it just takes a simple change of perspective to make that turn around.

Letting the Laughter into Your Relationship

If laughter is the best medicine, in your life and in your relationships…you have to let it in so that it can do it’s work, don’t you? Here are some simple steps to make that Relationship Tips #1 work:

• Smile at each other. With the hassle and routines of daily life (and if you add children to that mix…well…oh my…), this one is so easy to forget. Make it a rule that you drop your days baggage at the door when you come home and smile at each other, first thing. You can talk about problems later. For now, when you see the person you love, remember what you love about them…and smile.
• Keep a mental note of the happenings of the day that were funny. Share those things. It might be as simple as seeing a video on the internet of a cat doing silly moves. In that case, you can email each other during the day and share your thoughts when you get home.
• Tickle each other. Play with each other. Laughing has so many benefits. It gives you a rosy flush and you naturally bring in more oxygen to your lungs.
• Watch a comedy together. If you have a favorite scene in a movie, talk about it.
• Share a fun activity. Make the everyday things fun as well as the special events (like vacations). Yes, you can be playful when you put the dishes away…really…
• Laughter is contagious. Once one partner starts genuinely laughing at something funny, it spreads…you’ve been there haven’t you…when you don’t find it terribly funny and your partner starts to laugh…and you can’t help yourself…before you know it…there is so much laughter in the room…and it feels SO good…doesn’t it?

What Would Happen if You Really Had More Laughter in Your Relationship?

Ask yourself that question and see what comes up…laughter can cement bonds in relationships. If you are in the middle of a conflict and you do something unexpected that will make your partner laugh (something that is not disrespectful to them), it can break a negative stuck state. Make sure that your partner does not think that you are laughing at them. That doesn’t work…at all…

Laughter and relationships are a good mix, if it is done right…if you are laughing together and enjoying the time you spend with each other, you will strengthen your relationship. Seriously…give it a try… and let me know what happens…stay tuned…I’ll be writing about more relationship tips, soon!

And remember this…“A day without laughter is like a day without sunshine and a day without sunshine is like … night.” Steve Martin

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner