We have all had the experience, at one time or another, of being rejected or not meeting the approval of someone that we cared about, haven’t we?

“Human beings, like plants, grow in the soil of acceptance, not in the atmosphere of rejection” John Powell

Let’s take a look at Sarah…she is a young woman in her mid thirties who works as a public relations manager in a marketing firm. She is extremely responsible and diligent about doing her job.  Unfortunately, members of her team at work are prone to power struggles. As a result, when they question her decisions (and they do it frequently), Sarah feels rejected, personally and professionally. 

The stress is beginning to affect her performance at work and it is spilling into her private life.  Does this sound like a familiar scenario?  It might also play out in reverse.  If Sarah’s primary significant relationship had an atmosphere of rejection, it would cause problems for her in her work life. This is how Sarah starts to think.

• What if everyone laughs at me?
• No one likes me.
• If I put my ideas out, there is no where to hide.

Then, it is a short matter of time until this happens:

Rejection = “I am not good enough”

What can she do about her feelings of being rejected? The pattern of feeling rejected needs to be interrupted. Rejection happens; it is a part of living on this planet and interacting with other people, unfortunately.

If we can look at it from this perspective, it gives us power when the inevitable happens and someone says “No” to us as a partner, employee, friend, author, etc.

Make Friends With the Word “No”

When we hear the word “No”, we attach a meaning to it.  If we have been told “No, you can’t have that_____”, as a child, there might be negative emotions attached to it.  Imagine, how would you feel if someone said “No” to you and there were no emotions connected to it?  It would just be a word, then, wouldn’t it?

When we put a meaning to it or embellish it so that it looks catastrophic to us….like “She said, no, she won’t go to the dance with me….no one will EVER go out with me….”, then the situation looks worse to us.  We have generalized one event and applied it to now and every future event…”NO” then becomes a very big deal.

Before we know it, the picture that we have in our minds has ballooned into a massive ball of emotions that threaten to overwhelm us.  “No” is just a word…we have no control over whether people tell us “no”; we do have control in how we react to it. Detach yourself from any negative emotions, put your picture in neutral and shrink it.

You Have the Power to Choose How You Feel

Take responsibility for the way that you feel by realizing that you are the one who chooses how you feel.  No matter what your circumstances or how you are being treated, that is true.  No one can make you feel any way…it’s always you.  

Rejection can have terrible consequences, depending on a person’s state of mind. If they are feeling rejection on an identity level, it is extremely important to TELL someone how you are feeling.  The danger lies in internalizing those negative feelings of being rejected and then believing them. 

Because, after all, those feelings do not represent the truth. What is the truth?

1. You are here for a reason
2. Someone loves you, even if you don’t recognize it at the moment
3. You deserve to feel genuinely good
4. You CAN be happy, no matter what your circumstances
5. If you don’t like the way your life is going, you do have the power to change it…you just need TIME

Approval and Acceptance is an Inside Job

The approval that you seek can never be found out there.  Others may praise you and tell you that you are doing a good job and that is a wonderful experience.  At the heart of it all though, if you don’t feel that you approve of you, no one else’s opinion can fix that. 

If underneath it all, there lies a limiting belief of “I am not good enough”; life will feel empty and hollow.  Do whatever is necessary to change that…and you can…and remember that you are worth it.

When we look at our relationships with those we work with, live with, love with, watch the words that you speak.  Be an agent of acceptance in your world.

Sit right there and make a list, now, of all of your positive qualities, and yes, there will be a lot…write them without thinking and without judging.  Take that list and put it where you can see it, often.  Remind yourself of how great you really are.

So, Sarah, having made peace with the word “no” and recognizing her own power in her feelings and accepting and approving herself, will feel differently the next time she steps into a board room.  She will have more confidence to voice her opinions and will be able to deal with those little rejections.  When you have that inner knowing and approval of you, on an identity level, it all works out…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

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It is the middle of a dark winter here in North America and what better time to knock out negativity with a 5 day mini cleanse…Our patterns of belief and negativity are hidden in plain sight…obvious to others and not always to us.  You just need to know where to look.

“Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its’ power” Shirley MacLaine

Here are some simple, easy steps to take that negativity monster down. For the next five days, do this!

Write Morning Pages

This advice I have borrowed from the brilliant Julia Cameron and her book “The Artist’s Way.”  Every morning, just after you have woken up, write…write until you have filled 3 pages…do it by hand, not on the computer, that way you connect your brain to the feeling part of you.  

When you do this, you will get all of the crap out and onto the page, instead of leaving it inside of your brain.  It is a tremendous process for release. If you feel any resistance to doing it, do it anyway and see what happens. 

You can destroy the pages after you are done, if you want. Don’t go back and read them or share them with anyone else, they have served their purpose.

Do Something Different

This is not as obvious as it seems.  If you notice that you do the same thing over and over again, why would you expect different results?  You will continue to get the same results, it is only logical.

Let’s say you look at one specific behavior that you have…perhaps it is a simple thing, like having a doughnut every afternoon after lunch.  The question is “How is that working for YOU?”  The behavior is not inherently bad…it is all subjective. Does it work for you or does it not work for you?

If the pattern is not working for you, then here is a simple way to get your brain’s attention.  When you catch yourself about to do the behavior, visualize a big red hexagonal sign with white letters saying “STOP”…that can be your personal STOP sign…

Then, immediately after you have stopped that thought, replace it with another. Do something different and perhaps do the opposite…that’s right…something different, then you will get a result you haven’t gotten before…maybe one that you like better.

Post Notes of Positive Experiences

Grab a package of post-it notes in a color that you like.  Sit down and write down 10 positive memories, not affirmations, memories of good things that have happened in the past.  After you have done that, scatter the notes around your house, in places where you are sure to see them during the day.

When you spy a note, go over to it, and remember the positive memory, feel the feelings, the good feelings.  Do that throughout the day and see how much better you feel. These tiny visual reminders can amplify those positive memories, if you let them.

Be Grateful For Where You Are Now

You started the day with writing morning pages, now it is time to end the day with writing notes of gratitude.  Keep a note book by the side of your bed with a pen or pencil.  Before you go to sleep, take 5 minutes and write down 5 things you are thankful for. It can be as simple as being grateful for the breath that you take.

When you write down even the smallest of things to be thankful for, wonderful feelings come up.  Magnify those feelings of gratitude and thankfulness, make them bigger, spin them around and really, really feel them in your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.  Then sleep well, and take those magnificent, wonderful feelings with you.

When the next morning comes, start over again.  Write your morning pages, stop your negative thoughts in their tracks and do something different, read your positive memory notes and at the end of the day…write down your thoughts of thankfulness.

Dig for the treasure that exists within your own heart and be your best friend. We can be our own worst critics.  If you recognize your own value, you can realize that there are exceptional moments in your life because of who you are.  Take time to think of the good that lies within you, that you do not give yourself credit for.  

These are simple things and because they are, they are doable and they will give you results, if you give them a chance.  We all have a destiny and when we release the negative, we can allow ourselves to have that, can’t we?

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

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I have a hero, a role model and her name is Helen Keller. I imagine that if I had ever had the opportunity to meet her, I would have told her how much of an inspiration she has been to the world.  This is my favorite quote from her…

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Helen Keller

Helen was blind and deaf and yet, she saw so much in this world of ours and was so wise.  Sometimes, we can be metaphorically blind and deaf to so many things around us.  We don’t see the good, the beautiful or even the fantastic…she did…she created castles in her mind and beautiful stories…

5 Special Attributes of Helen Keller

These are only a few that Helen expressed in her amazing life.

Inner Vision

She had a great imagination and what she could not see with her physical eyes, she saw in her minds’ eye.

Love for life, learning and curiosity

Creativity and story telling

Persistence and determination (overcoming obstacles)

Can you imagine how much determination and persistence it took for her to become so accomplished while being both deaf and blind?  How many people are as successful as Helen Keller, without the physical limitations?

Taking responsibility for her own life…and she did…didn’t she?

The Importance of Great Role Models

When we can look at the life that special people like Helen Keller have lived, we have the opportunity to “model” their behaviors…

When I first decided that I wanted to create an amazing love relationship in my life, I looked around to see what it would look like.  I found people in successful marriages and built a model in my mind.

For example, some of the criteria that I saw in those successful marriages were very evident.

• In successful relationships, the couple talked with each other affectionately, there was good communication.
• The amazing love relationships that I saw had couples with values in common.
• Marriages that worked were based on a deep and abiding respect for each other.

And so on…from these observations, it was easy to recognize real love when it presented itself in my life. Modeling is a powerful process that can be extended to all different aspects of our lives.

• Relationships
• Career 
• Finances
• Health
• Business development

Where in your life would modeling a successful person help you? Be careful…this powerful process needs to be handled with care… choose the person you model carefully…

Be sure you want the behaviors…and that they align with your core values.  If you don’t know what your core values are yet, now is a good time to find out, isn’t it?

"Drive your own life…you deserve to, don't you?"  Sherie Venner

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Being stuck in the past or fixating on a future that hasn't arrived yet, can have devastating consequences in our lives.  Have you ever had that feeling that life is passing you by? That you are missing something that you can't put a finger on?

“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are” Calvin and Hobbes

Knowing where you are going is important and remembering where you came from is important. In order to enjoy where we are, we need to focus on the now. So how do you focus on the now and still keep the future and the past where they belong?

The Lines of Time

Did you know that there are different ways that people represent time in their minds?  Let’s imagine for a moment that you can imagine that time is on a line and that you can see it.

If you could do that, where would your future be?  Would it be in front of you, directly?  And would your past be behind you?  You’ve heard people speak of putting their past behind them, haven’t you?  They actually mean that literally.

If you can “see” your past and your now and your future all in front of you  on a line that stretches from your left to your right (with your future being on the right), then you sort time the same way that I do. It could be on an angle, there could be as many different variations as there are people…

Now, you probably have never thought of it this way before and it can be a convenient way to think of time…it can put time in its’ place…

There is an advantage to thinking of time as having a concrete place in your mind, even if it really doesn’t. Think of it as one more tool in your tool box, that you can use to your advantage and make it work for you.

The Past

The past can have power over you, if you let it…if you sort time with the past out in the front and to the side on that line that stretches like that…it might be staring you in the face…

In that case, visualizing that aspect of your time line as being dimmer can make it less significant.  If you put the past behind you, yes, you remember less of it and that can be a problem for people who tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over again….

The Future

Planning for your future is important and fixating on it is not…your SMART goals, when you make them and put them into your future, no matter where you store it, need to be released…let me explain…

When you get that picture of the future that you want, and you feel the feelings and hear the sounds that you hear when you have it and when you KNOW that you have it…then it is time to let it go, let go of the neediness or wanting…

Keep the feeling of having and knowing…and when you have that feeling of knowing that you had achieved that goal…it can happen…without the pressure and prying at it…

Be like the farmer who plants the seeds and does not go out into the field to dig up the seeds to see how they are doing…he lets them germinate and grow in their own time, knowing, knowing that there will be a harvest.

When you take the time to plan your future, map out your goals and create visual reminders like mind maps, you have a constant picture in front of you that reminds you of where you are going.  If you look at those pictures that you have created and you feel the knowing, it will work.  If you time travel in your mind and tell yourself that you don’t know how it will happen…well, then…

Focusing on  Now

When you have released the past and yes, released the future, where does that leave you?  It leaves you with NOW and the experience of now.

In the now, you can experience gratitude.  If your life is at a difficult point, gratitude can be hard to practice.  You can start small, very small if you need to.  If you can only be grateful for the breath that you take as you sit there in that moment, that is a wonderful start.

Gratitude is a powerful focus tool. Take the time now to think of 5 things that you are grateful for…I know that you can do it…small things, big things, happy things, it’s all there, isn’t it?

"Drive your own life…you deserve to, don't you?"  Sherie Venner

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