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When does your writing really matter? This type of writing can include business plans, grant proposals, manuscripts for magazines and other commercial media, and specialized/technical reports. Writing of this nature involves not just writing about your area of expertise. It involves writing to get money…someone else's money. It is writing that gets judged.

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It's sad that so many times, just when it matters the most, so many writers do not succeed at this type of writing.

They fail because the writer has forgotten one key requirement: know your audience. Writers are used to thinking big: "My audience is this demographic." or "My audience buys this kind of juice." or "My audience plays this kind of sport". This is a valid way of thinking until it stops working. And here is where that kind of thinking stops working.

For this type of writing, there are no more than five people in the audience.

  • Who is the real audience for your business plan? The loan officer, perhaps a few of his/her assistants and his immediate superior.
  • Who is the real audience for your grant proposal? The grant reviewer, perhaps a second reviewer or a third.
  • Who is the real audience for your media submission? The editor of the publication and perhaps that editor's immediate superior.
  • Who is the real audience for your technical report? Did you say a technical reviewer and perhaps his/her immediate superior? Good, you're catching on!

Put yourself in the shoes of your judge: the banker, the grant or technical reviewer, the editor. Get to know them. Think of them as you write your writing that really matters.

This is straight forward for the banker who will be going over your business plan. Sit down with them and ask them what they want to see. Most of the bankers I've talked to want to know about you just as much as you need to know about them. So, make a date.

The other types of audience are tougher. Your writing that really matters gets subjected to what is known as an "anonymous review". You may never know who judged you.

But you can know about them.

  • Yes, they do not have to write. But, they do have to judge you based on what you write. That's stressful. It hurts to be judgemental.
  • You may have written one or a few types of writing that really matters. They have to judge several tens, if not hundreds, of writing that really matters on a regular and ongoing basis. That's stressful.
  • They have very short timelines. Their jobs likely involve doing a lot more than just judging writing that really matters. Fitting in this additional task is stressful.
  • It's common to hear someone being thanked for helping others succeed. No one ever thanks the judge who rejects someone. That makes the judge's job very stressful indeed.
  • They are very much like you. They have family obligations, mortgages, car payments, pending bills to pay, perhaps a balance on their credit card…and they're tired most of the time.

With that background, imagine now that your judge has just read, reviewed, and made a judgement on 25 people who have submitted writing that really matters. It is 20 minutes before it is time to leave work, pick up the kids from grandma’s house, get some shopping done, make dinner…oops, the car is being repaired…but, before all that your judge just has to review your writing that really matters. How does he feel about that?

So, here is a tip for the next time you are writing.

Spend some time considering how to make your document as comfortable and inviting to your judge as it can be.

About the Author:

Rob Hodgins is a writer who knows about the relationships between people.  He is an exceptional editor as well and shares his brand of humour, wisdom and expertise on his website.  Check him out at www.hodginswriter.net or on Facebook .

 

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When we talk about simplifying and decluttering, we normally speak about cleaning up the mess that lives in our home, the stacks of papers and toys that line the floors and the knick knacks that live on our shelves. But what about the other areas in our life that are in need of clean up and decluttering? Let’s talk about it all, shall we?

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One way to think of the organizing process is to be throwing things out, to toss, to purge.  Another way to think about it is that we are simplifying our lives, bringing in a measure of peace and clarity to our lives.

When we have peace and clarity, it gives us the freedom to create. . .the freedom to create leads us to possibilities and opens doors that we might not have imagined. . .and it allows space for more love and success in all different areas of our life. . .and you deserve that, don’t you?

Declutter Your Relationships

How do you declutter a relationship?  It involves taking a first step, a step back and looking at your relationship, whatever type it might be.

Ask yourself these questions:

What do I want?

What am I getting?

Is there a gap between what I want and what I am getting?

Why?

It is really important when you set out to declutter your relationships that you have a rule…don’t be cruel…be kind, yet firm.  

When you know what you want and need from relationships, a door opens to you…a door you didn’t know was there.  I have a client who grew up in an alcoholic home.  Her parents were still drinking when she was pregnant with her first child.

She very firmly, yet kindly, informed her parents that while she loved them (and would not deny them seeing their grandchild), she would not allow them to see the child if they had been drinking.  To her surprise, two weeks after her informing them of her very firm boundary, they quit abusing alcohol, entirely (they are still sober today). 

Now, this result is not typical…but it is possible.  Her parents could have continued to drink, only abstaining when they wanted to see their grandchild…she didn’t make the choice for them, they did…

Ask yourself if you can declutter aspects of a relationship…some relationships can be cleaned up and salvaged, rather than being tossed. . .others cannot. . .only you know, deep in your heart.

Simplify Your Home

Start with baby steps and really think about the stuff that you have surrounding you.  Does it enrich your life, filling it with beauty and peace?  If not, why do you have it?  Is it your idea or someone else’s? 

When we live with other people, we need to take their needs into account.  It isn’t a good idea to take a trash bag through the house and get rid of all of your partner’s tools (even if he does leave them all over the floor), without talking to him about it first! (although, I have been tempted, lol)

When you think that you need to simplify your home, here are some points to consider.

  • Decide what you want in a simplified home.
  • Get a clear vision of how you want your surroundings to look.
  • Make a plan of action to simplify and follow through (even if you only do it in 15 minute intervals to sidestep overwhelm).

Be persistent and remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. . .you will get there if you keep on keeping on.

If you can’t bring yourself to part with unnecessary things, there is a deeper, root cause. . .usually a belief in lack, that there will never be enough or a lack of connection to your true self. That brings us to our next area that most people need to declutter…

Kicking Negative Beliefs and Self Talk to the Curb

Here is a way to think of the brain. . .it is like a computer that is recording your every thought, image, sound, memory, belief, feeling that you have ever experienced in your life.  Yes, you might not be aware of it but it is all there. . .

When we think a certain pattern of thought, over and over again, it becomes habitual, like a well worn path that we travel on. . .without effort, we slide into that pattern of negative self talk and thoughts and what happens?  We create the same old, same old, even though we don’t want to…

What do you need then?  A simple way to end that loop is to use a pattern interrupt, something that stops the thinking in its’ track.  One way that works is to wear an elastic band or bracelet around your wrist and when you find yourself deep in negative self talk, snap it!  Snap right out of it!

This works too. . .think of something else. . .it’s that simple. . .and if you find that difficult, enlist the aid of a buddy who will say something outrageous to you when they see that you are caught in an emotional loop. . ."Oh look, there is a wolverine at the door!!! Run!”. . .I did say outrageous. . .a good laugh will break a pattern!

Ideally, you work on breaking the negative beliefs when they come up, through whatever techniques you find work for you.  These tips will help though. . .just try. .. or do. . .

There are 12 months in a year and that is a long time. . .plenty of time to get a start on decluttering and simplifying, if that is what you really want to do.  If you do, break it down into steps and start with the smallest one. . .it is easier to build a foundation of habits if you do this. . .just pick one. . .see where it leads. . .

“Drive your own life. . .you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner

 

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us." Marianne Williamson

When you look in the mirror, do you see someone whom you love deeply, completely?  Do you look at yourself and acknowledge the miracle that you are?

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Mirror, Mirror on the Wall. . .

Who is the fairest of them all? If you are like most people who have been exposed to media over the years, you probably see what you perceive to be flaws. . .skin that is not perfect, teeth that may need work, wrinkles, sun damage, a face that is too round, or too thin, or doesn’t meet the standard of beauty that the media tells us is the right look.

I know a girl…her name is Sally…and Sally, when she looks in the mirror, hears a voice inside her head. . .a voice that calls her names.  She has lived with this voice for so long that she no longer is aware of it, it operates just under her awareness. Yet, Sally feels the effect of it.  

When she drags herself out of bed in the morning, she does not do it with enthusiasm.  She walks slowly to her bathroom and avoids looking at the disheveled woman in the mirror.  When she goes to brush her teeth, she criticizes herself, chastises herself for not being younger, prettier, shapely.  If it is a really bad hair day, she tells herself that she can’t compare to her friend Jillian.

Sally goes out to face the day and she does it with an energy pattern of self criticism and loathing.  She wonders why things don’t turn out for her and doesn’t believe that there is much use in trying to change her life.  She has tried before and failed.

What Sally does not know, is that she is defeated before she even starts.  Even if the origin of the voices was a real event in the past, she is the decider, the chooser who allows it to continue. Sally does have  a choice.  She can choose to see herself as she really is, a miracle, because all life on this planet is a miracle.

Changing How You See The Reflection in the Mirror

Imagine that you are alone, with no distractions; the phones are turned off, the television is silent and the internet is asleep for the moment. . . close your eyes and feel the still, peace of the moment, as you sit there. . .in that chair. . .if you could imagine that right in front of you was the person who loved you the most in the world.

The person who accepted you for who you are. . .was right there. . .and if you can’t imagine that. . .pretend. . .that’s right. . .that such a person exists…because they do. . .see them looking at you with love radiating out from them. . .see the love in their eyes. . .and feel it. . .

Imagine that you can step into their experience and that you can see yourself through their eyes. . .see yourself looking back at you, through the eyes of love…feel all that love…take it all in… imagine stepping back into your experience …coming back to now. . .how do you feel?  Have you brought all of that love back with you?  Because you can, you know. . .it was there all along. . .just waiting for you. . . 

It is a simple exercise and if you do this, when you look in the mirror, the voices of your inner critic will fade and be replaced by love. Because the inner critic is just you, isn’t it?

When negative beliefs are eliminated in our lives, we are just uncovering the self. We are letting it breathe, free from the damaging overlay of negativity that has laid over us for years. The true self can break free from those patterns. . .and then, we can move forward, into the light that was ours all along.

"Drive your own life. . .you deserve to, don't you?" Sherie Venner

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As someone who married at 19 and found myself facing divorce, with four small children to raise, at the age of 37, I had my share of relationship anxiety.  There were all the usual questions.

What if I fail again?  How will I ever find someone else to share my life with?  How did I not see that coming? And so on. . .those questions come from fear. . .

It took time and I overcame it, to find love again with my husband Shane. . .an incredible man who lights up my life and is my best friend.

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Are You Keeping Secrets?

When we first find ourselves contemplating going “out there” and finding a new relationship, people will often put their best foot forward, presenting the best side of themselves.  They find themselves in a small café, meeting for coffee or a drink, smiling and making small talk, flirting a little and hoping that they are being seen in a good light.  

You wear your best clothes, make sure that your grooming is immaculate and then…you start the process of keeping secrets. You hide who you really are, in an attempt to gain approval and be “chosen” by the other person.

This causes relationship anxiety because there is a basic disconnect in your integrity. . .you pretend to be one way when in reality, you are another.  When you have that connection with your true self, then you feel comfortable in your own skin.

That does NOT mean laying all of your dirty laundry on the table or telling all, it means, be yourself. . .not a reflection of who you think you should be.

Having the “Talk”

When you come from the perspective that you are the one doing the “choosing”, you are more likely to approach the possibility of a new relationship (or deepening the current one), quite differently.

One of the strategies that I recommend (and one that I followed), is to ask questions or have the “Talk”.  Men, don’t run, this works for you too!

When you sit down at that table in the café and you ask questions during the “Talk”, you don’t need to interrogate. . .ask questions in the natural flow of conversation. . .where do you see yourself in 5 years?  Are you looking for friendship or a relationship?…and so on…

In order to have the “Talk”, you need to do this, first:

  • Know yourself
  • Clarify your values
  • Know what your relationship goals are 

What do you want?  Do you want marriage, children, a short term relationship? Make sure that you are honest with yourself.  If you can’t be honest with you, you certainly can’t be honest with anyone else and it is so key to have that in a relationship, isn’t it?

Are you done with your previous relationship?  Have you closed the door and finished grieving?  Are you ready to move on?  Relationship anxiety can stem from having not finished with the last one, a carrying forward of the negative repercussions of a previous partnership.

There is a very powerful process, called “The Last Straw” that is very helpful in closing the door on a relationship that you might have clung to for too long. . .

What is the Message that Relationship Anxiety Has for You?

When we create feelings like anxiety in our life, they often come with a message. Take the time to hear what message your subconscious mind is trying to tell you. Listen for clues, they will come.  

Have you been focusing on the negative, not the positive that happens in your life?

Are you imagining a future that won’t turn out, based on a past that didn’t?

Are you independent enough?  Do you know that you will be okay, whether you are in relationship or not?

Have you accepted responsibility for the part that you played in past relationships?  Do you have well established boundaries?

Do you know that you are enough, that you deserve love?

Relationship anxiety will cease to exist when you clear up the past and any residual feelings about previous partners…when you accept responsibility for creating your own life. . .when you know that you are enough and that you deserve love.  Create a wonderful vision, filled with light and brilliance and the relationship that you want will be there. . .just like that.

“Drive your own life. . .you deserve to, don’t you?”  Sherie Venner

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New Year’s Eve saw me bringing in the New Year with grape juice and club soda (LOVE club soda!) with my husband, Shane, our son Will and our white (yes, white) miniature schnauzer, Daxby.

For the past month, I had been redefining goals, doing some personal change work and I was feeling good.

We went to sleep to the sound of fireworks in the distance and sleep came quickly.

I awoke in the morning, brimming with creativity and good will. The feel of this New Year was full of promise

…and then, there it was, just before breakfast and just before the house began to fill with family.

Epiphany

It snuck up on me.

It was unexpected.

It was miraculous.sudden realization of truth epiphany

It came in with joy.

Understanding at a soul level.

It came in swiftly and it stayed.

Laughter bubbled up and burst forth.

My smile lasted for hours.

What was it?

I’ll start so many years ago when I was a young girl.  My family was fairly well off middle class.  Dad was an instrument technician in a small town in New Brunswick, Canada.  We were better off than most and Dad worked hard, putting in long hours building a house for us and clocking as much overtime as he could.
 
 
It all caught up with him one night when he was bent over, repairing a steam pipe. It burst open and the entire left side of his body was scalded with blistering, hot steam.  He almost died.
 
 
My Dad lived, the bright red, vivid scars from the top of his head, past his ears, across his face, down his arm and leg, all bearing testament to the human spirit and the reliance of the body. Those scars faded with time but little did I know of the invisible scars that I, personally, would carry.

Fast forward to now.

 
Looking back, I saw the struggle that I created in the my life was a direct result of this one incident.  I successfully finished University with no debt and created a number of successful small businesses, including a cleaning company that I built from nothing.
 
Now,I am in the process of enlarging my coaching practice. I had success, yet,there was always something niggling at the edges.
 
There were periodic upsets, accidents, disasters that would happen. . .I  began to wait for the other shoe to drop.  Through it all, I told myself that there was no reason for me to feel lack.  My family of origin had never experienced lack, at all.
 
 
And then. . .New Year’s Day, after doing all of the personal change work, using the principles of NLP, in the preceding month, there it was, presented to me on a platter.
 

The memory split wide open.  Dad almost died, Dad couldn’t work for 2 months during the recovery period, he didn’t even know if he would ever return to work.  Savings were depleted quickly, bills and debt piled up, and the little bit of compensation did not go far.
 
Lack
 
Right there
 
Hidden in plain sight
 
A LIE I had told myself for years (that we had never experienced lack)
 
Yes, it was a short time and it was traumatic for an almost 8 year old and it explained so much.
 
Burst wide open
 
To have that deeply buried trauma gone. . .amazing.
I can only give you a glimpse of my experience…just a peek…of my peak…
And it does not mean adversity won’t ever be in my life again. Life has it’s challenges, doesn’t it?
 
It does mean that new challenges will be met with a new mindset, one free from that trauma…and that is a position of power.
 
So, the epiphany? (and for me, it was a big one)
 
No matter how far we’ve come, there is still farther to go.
We are not done, we are a work in progress.
When we least expect it, if we’ve done the work, we can have the most powerful experience of change, a sudden realization of truth that can change our lives forever.
Because we can. . .just like that. . .

 
 
Photo credit: Tony the Misfit
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